Is the grass always greener?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stick at it and keep working on things and give it time. I would wait at least three or four more years before taking such a drastic step.

I think it's foolish to think this won't have an impact on your kids.

I would be much less worried about the financial impact than how much it will hurt your kids, even if their dad is away. Still, kids do get over divorce and they could recover.

I would encourage you to give it more time to keep working on it. You have a much better chance of finding a second husband or life partner at your age now than if you wait 15 years until your kids go off to college. But, blended families and balancing dating while parenting is incredibly challenging.

There's no easy solution. Make yourself feel better with the fact that probably half of the married couples around you are the same.

Ugh, what? No, OPs experience is not normal or common, and no, half of all spouses most certainly do not have a history of cheating on their spouse with escorts (not to mention any of the other issues).

Being generally dissatisfied is. That's why 40 percent of marriages end. And of the couples who stay married, a portion of them are just sticking it out. This isn't being negative, it's just the reality.

Divorce rate is much lower for college educated couples.

More assets more to lose. They are rather remained married and be miserable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's impossible to know. Women whose romantic/dating life post divorce isn't that great are not going to advertise it. Women are very good at protecting their ego and internalizing their disappointment.

This. My ex wife after we divorced went from to men, she seemed happy but it was all a facade. My sister who is friend with her best friend told my sister that my ex cried after every break up (4 in 2 years) and stated wondering why men weren't willing to date her long term.

Divorced and never married women think men are the problem, which is true in some cases. But in other situations, women are either irrational, have an inflated sense of self worth or overweight

[Anonymous]

OP posts here are really not addressing your post divorce reality. Here’s the grass on the other side:
You work FT making it sounds like not much
You have at least and possibly at most 60% custody of a 3 yo and 6yo, to take care of alone without a second income and you working.
You may not be entitled to much childcare once younger one is in school
You likely have not been married long enough to have sizeable marital assets and likely have a large remaining mortgage that you likely cannot afford to buy your DH out of so will likely have to radically downsize
You will be exhausted for the next ten years and if you think you spend 95% of your time parenting now (with two kids in school and what sounds like a very part time flexible job) buckle up.
Possibly kids won’t remain in TT private
Goodbye fancy vacations and clothing/expenses budget you’re probably enjoying now
Yes there will be a stigma and many people will not befriend you or your kids while others will drop you
Not much time to date and pickings in a post kids world are slimmer and much more complex
You seem to think you can divorce and maintain your lifestyle: you won’t.

[Anonymous]

You should see how much alimony you can get first. Or line up a wealthy boyfriend in the wings, before you do anything rash.

[Anonymous]

I separated at 40, and now I'm 44. Our kids were 7, and I'm glad I didn't wait any longer as I think it would be harder to divorce now with middle schoolers. We both make good money, so there weren't any financial concerns. We had a prenup, so no fighting over assets. He cheated for four months, and that was the extent of my reason for leaving. If I had your reasons, I would have left right away (I did counseling for 2 years first). The grass is definitely greener. I date and do not want to be entangled in anything serious for the foreseeable future. My kids are doing well, I'm semi-retired, I have lots of friends, so yes, even without a husband, life is amazing. I could care less about the parents of the other kids in school, so social standing there doesn't matter at all. I wasn't involved with that when married either. There was one trip I noticed some friends went on, and I wasn't invited. It was clearly a "couples" trip. I don't really care, though. I hang out with them all the time and travel plenty with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I separated at 40, and now I'm 44. Our kids were 7, and I'm glad I didn't wait any longer as I think it would be harder to divorce now with middle schoolers. We both make good money, so there weren't any financial concerns. We had a prenup, so no fighting over assets. He cheated for four months, and that was the extent of my reason for leaving. If I had your reasons, I would have left right away (I did counseling for 2 years first). The grass is definitely greener. I date and do not want to be entangled in anything serious for the foreseeable future. My kids are doing well, I'm semi-retired, I have lots of friends, so yes, even without a husband, life is amazing. I could care less about the parents of the other kids in school, so social standing there doesn't matter at all. I wasn't involved with that when married either. There was one trip I noticed some friends went on, and I wasn't invited. It was clearly a "couples" trip. I don't really care, though. I hang out with them all the time and travel plenty with them.

Curious how much you make, and how much you got in the divorce? Most working parents don’t find divorce such a cakewalk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I separated at 40, and now I'm 44. Our kids were 7, and I'm glad I didn't wait any longer as I think it would be harder to divorce now with middle schoolers. We both make good money, so there weren't any financial concerns. We had a prenup, so no fighting over assets. He cheated for four months, and that was the extent of my reason for leaving. If I had your reasons, I would have left right away (I did counseling for 2 years first). The grass is definitely greener. I date and do not want to be entangled in anything serious for the foreseeable future. My kids are doing well, I'm semi-retired, I have lots of friends, so yes, even without a husband, life is amazing. I could care less about the parents of the other kids in school, so social standing there doesn't matter at all. I wasn't involved with that when married either. There was one trip I noticed some friends went on, and I wasn't invited. It was clearly a "couples" trip. I don't really care, though. I hang out with them all the time and travel plenty with them.

Curious how much you make, and how much you got in the divorce? Most working parents don’t find divorce such a cakewalk.

Being financially secure helps a ton in being able to take that step to divorce! I'm very glad I did not choose the SAHM route when my ex offered to support that. I considered it, and I would have loved it, but supporting myself was too important. We had a good relationship at that time, so I never even thought I would need to support myself, but I was doing well and was enjoying the financial security it was bringing our family.

I'm in real estate so my income is variable. Last year I made 90k, some years I made 250-300k. I saved a lot and made some good investments. I also had that handy prenup, so things were not split 50/50.

The advice I give every SAHM who wants to leave is to go to school, get a 2 year degree in something like dental hygiene and start working toward your exit.