Is the grass always greener?

[Anonymous]

My kids are at a TT private, and I'd say there were very few (but not no) divorces in the early years, but people started dropping like flies in late middle/early high school. The kids who had it happen while they were young have adjusted, and everyone is used to the situation. I think it's tougher for kids to go through as teens.

As far as social standing, although it's true that couples like to socialize with other couples, that only really applies to things that are one-on-one, like going out to dinner with one or two other couples. I don't think singles are ever excluded from larger gatherings. Also, I actually enjoy socializing with women more than couples, and often have coffee or lunch dates with one or two other moms. You could still do that. I think it's actually harder for the divorced dads to make social connections at the school.

[Anonymous]

How much money does he make? How long have you been married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stick at it and keep working on things and give it time. I would wait at least three or four more years before taking such a drastic step.

I think it's foolish to think this won't have an impact on your kids.

I would be much less worried about the financial impact than how much it will hurt your kids, even if their dad is away. Still, kids do get over divorce and they could recover.

I would encourage you to give it more time to keep working on it. You have a much better chance of finding a second husband or life partner at your age now than if you wait 15 years until your kids go off to college. But, blended families and balancing dating while parenting is incredibly challenging.

There's no easy solution. Make yourself feel better with the fact that probably half of the married couples around you are the same.

Ugh, what? No, OPs experience is not normal or common, and no, half of all spouses most certainly do not have a history of cheating on their spouse with escorts (not to mention any of the other issues).

Being generally dissatisfied is. That's why 40 percent of marriages end. And of the couples who stay married, a portion of them are just sticking it out. This isn't being negative, it's just the reality.

[Anonymous]

I would say in most cases the grass is not always greener, but in your case op it has to be

[Anonymous]

DP here but cheating with escorts would be a hard no for me. No way would I stay in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should stick at it and keep working on things and give it time. I would wait at least three or four more years before taking such a drastic step.

I think it's foolish to think this won't have an impact on your kids.

I would be much less worried about the financial impact than how much it will hurt your kids, even if their dad is away. Still, kids do get over divorce and they could recover.

I would encourage you to give it more time to keep working on it. You have a much better chance of finding a second husband or life partner at your age now than if you wait 15 years until your kids go off to college. But, blended families and balancing dating while parenting is incredibly challenging.

There's no easy solution. Make yourself feel better with the fact that probably half of the married couples around you are the same.

Ugh, what? No, OPs experience is not normal or common, and no, half of all spouses most certainly do not have a history of cheating on their spouse with escorts (not to mention any of the other issues).

Being generally dissatisfied is. That's why 40 percent of marriages end. And of the couples who stay married, a portion of them are just sticking it out. This isn't being negative, it's just the reality.

Divorce rate is much lower for college educated couples.

[Anonymous]

So sorry to hear how bad your marriage is now OP. 💔

In your situation - it is clear to me that this marriage is only bringing you down & that eventually the totality of your negative feelings can possibly destroy any remaining joy that exists in your daily life.

This is unfair to everyone involved >> most especially your young children.

I agree…..since your children rarely seem to see their Father plus due to their young age(s), getting a divorce now will likely not affect them at all.

You will likely have to get a full-time job + put your kids into daycare if you leave your husband but you can most definitely receive child support and possibly some alimony too.

Sure your lifestyle will be different however to be away from your toxic marriage will be an excellent saving grace for you and your family.

The only other option is to remain where + how you currently are.
If you choose this option, your life will progressively get worse and your two children will be negatively impacted.

Best to get out now while they are still young.
You can do it❣️

The best is yet to come!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say in most cases the grass is not always greener, but in your case op it has to be

+10000x

This is an excellent point right here. 👈🏽

[Anonymous]

OP I’m sorry you are dealing with this situation. But it doesn’t really sound like you are truly dealing in reality right now.

It sounds like no matter what you need to think about getting a full-time job - doesn’t sound like the marriage is sustainable. Huge red flag that a counselor honed in on “a minor addiction” and your husband has a history with escorts. It’s not a marriage that is going to last And frankly, I’m not sure you can count on your husband to even be a higher earner in 10 years. He’s got some issues.

You need to start earning some more income and if you get divorced, no matter your husband salary is (you say he makes 10 times as you, so assuming we’re not talking about a billionaire here), it’s not going to be enough to keep you from the workforce for the rest of your life. You need to realize this. You can’t depend on child support even if it’s very generous, because at some point that ends and if you find yourself at 50 with no work history you are screwed.

Quit focusing on dumb things like social life and stigma, and start thinking about the financial reality. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but this kind of post is the reason Motherhood is the number one predictor of poverty.

So many sweeping red flags here and now is the time to start addressing them like the grown-up that you are!

[Anonymous]

All good points above. OP listen to this person.

[Anonymous]

Currently considering ending my marriage, spouse said “the grass isn’t always greener” I really don’t care if the grass is greener, it could be infested with ticks and bedbugs, so long as they weren’t there I would probably be happier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's impossible to know. Women whose romantic/dating life post divorce isn't that great are not going to advertise it. Women are very good at protecting their ego and internalizing their disappointment.

This. My ex wife after we divorced went from to men, she seemed happy but it was all a facade. My sister who is friend with her best friend told my sister that my ex cried after every break up (4 in 2 years) and stated wondering why men weren't willing to date her long term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids are at a TT private, and I'd say there were very few (but not no) divorces in the early years, but people started dropping like flies in late middle/early high school. The kids who had it happen while they were young have adjusted, and everyone is used to the situation. I think it's tougher for kids to go through as teens.

As far as social standing, although it's true that couples like to socialize with other couples, that only really applies to things that are one-on-one, like going out to dinner with one or two other couples. I don't think singles are ever excluded from larger gatherings. Also, I actually enjoy socializing with women more than couples, and often have coffee or lunch dates with one or two other moms. You could still do that. I think it's actually harder for the divorced dads to make social connections at the school.

Your kids are at a TT private, and with all the $$$$ in the world you're wasting your time on DCUM? This site never fails to surprise me.

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand why rich people have so many problems but being that you do my suggestion is to come to the realization that you don't have a marriage either way. You have a document that says you are owed money if you divorce and you have someone living in your house that you know doing good and bad things to help or hurt you. Get over the fact that your marriage already died and then try out different living situations till you come up with one you like.

[Anonymous]

It will be difficult and scary at first but you are still young now is the time. Also, I’m having a hard time reconciling low T and escorts and he can go s#!t in his hat if the nanny costs have to come out of your earnings. I would say that you may have to pull kids from private if he’s going to be a jerk.