Responding calmly and helpfully to a parent whose student waited until the day after the project was due to ask for help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Thank you so much! This is strong, but calm and helpful.

Oh, I hard disagree fwiw. This is waving a red flag to a bull. You can’t win with a drama queen like this parent. It might feel good in the moment to say “don’t threaten me,” but it’s not a strategic play. You won’t fix this woman, so don’t try. Just protect yourself.

Lol, I'm very verbally aggressive and not afraid of anyone when I know damn well they're in the wrong.

I hope this isn’t the OP but there is no reward for being right in a situation like this. The mom is baiting the teacher. You can’t take the bait. Lie down with pigs, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Thank you so much! This is strong, but calm and helpful.

Oh, I hard disagree fwiw. This is waving a red flag to a bull. You can’t win with a drama queen like this parent. It might feel good in the moment to say “don’t threaten me,” but it’s not a strategic play. You won’t fix this woman, so don’t try. Just protect yourself.

Lol, I'm very verbally aggressive and not afraid of anyone when I know damn well they're in the wrong.

I hope this isn’t the OP but there is no reward for being right in a situation like this. The mom is baiting the teacher. You can’t take the bait. Lie down with pigs, etc.

I doubt the “verbally aggressive” poster is the OP. If the OP were aggressive, she wouldn’t be reaching out for advice.

But I agree: you can’t argue with this parent. She’s looking for a fight, so don’t give it to her. Best thing you can do is let her show her true qualities to the main office.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Thank you so much! This is strong, but calm and helpful.

Oh, I hard disagree fwiw. This is waving a red flag to a bull. You can’t win with a drama queen like this parent. It might feel good in the moment to say “don’t threaten me,” but it’s not a strategic play. You won’t fix this woman, so don’t try. Just protect yourself.

Lol, I'm very verbally aggressive and not afraid of anyone when I know damn well they're in the wrong.

I hope this isn’t the OP but there is no reward for being right in a situation like this. The mom is baiting the teacher. You can’t take the bait. Lie down with pigs, etc.

I doubt the “verbally aggressive” poster is the OP. If the OP were aggressive, she wouldn’t be reaching out for advice.

But I agree: you can’t argue with this parent. She’s looking for a fight, so don’t give it to her. Best thing you can do is let her show her true qualities to the main office.

Yes, the verbally aggressive one is me, Mrs. Beasley. I'm just not afraid of someone who wants to fight, and can easily make them afraid of me, quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Thank you so much! This is strong, but calm and helpful.

Oh, I hard disagree fwiw. This is waving a red flag to a bull. You can’t win with a drama queen like this parent. It might feel good in the moment to say “don’t threaten me,” but it’s not a strategic play. You won’t fix this woman, so don’t try. Just protect yourself.

Lol, I'm very verbally aggressive and not afraid of anyone when I know damn well they're in the wrong.

I hope this isn’t the OP but there is no reward for being right in a situation like this. The mom is baiting the teacher. You can’t take the bait. Lie down with pigs, etc.

I doubt the “verbally aggressive” poster is the OP. If the OP were aggressive, she wouldn’t be reaching out for advice.

But I agree: you can’t argue with this parent. She’s looking for a fight, so don’t give it to her. Best thing you can do is let her show her true qualities to the main office.

Yes, the verbally aggressive one is me, Mrs. Beasley. I'm just not afraid of someone who wants to fight, and can easily make them afraid of me, quickly.

Yeah um, don’t take advice from Mrs. Beasley. You’ll just create headaches for yourself. You want to dodge this mom, not fight with her. Life is to short to waste time on people like that.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't you have guidelines or rules set by your principal or headmaster about returning emails. all of our privates and publics did

[Anonymous]

Is this a private school? I can’t imagine a public school teacher worrying about this. The grading policy is decided by the school board, including how late work is handled. If a student “refuses” to hand in an assignment, well okay that’s a zero.

What does “legal action” even mean? What law does she think was broken? Lololol.

[Anonymous]

Not all kids will advocate or ask for help. However, go to the principal and let them deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, don't you have guidelines or rules set by your principal or headmaster about returning emails. all of our privates and publics did

+1 I wouldn't respond until admit reviewed her email.

And wouldn't it be sweet if the response was, "Under school policy all threats of legal action must be forwarded to district legal counsel, so I am prohibited from discussing your child's school project with you at this time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Thank you so much! This is strong, but calm and helpful.

Oh, I hard disagree fwiw. This is waving a red flag to a bull. You can’t win with a drama queen like this parent. It might feel good in the moment to say “don’t threaten me,” but it’s not a strategic play. You won’t fix this woman, so don’t try. Just protect yourself.

Hence the previous recs to leave off the last paragraph.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with Mrs. Beasley except don't mention threats or zoom. Just say what you're willing to do. And you may want to mention that you had been checking in and providing feedback along the way and that the student seemed on track.

But was the teacher checking in and providing feedback along the way? I am not sure she did. How is she just now realizing the student was so far behind? For kids this age, for a five week long project, the teacher should be making the students turn in the project in pieces and providing feedback. And if the student is not, the parent should be notified.

[Anonymous]

I second everyone who said you should forward and discuss the email with your admin/supervisor before drafting a response. And it may be better for the response to come from them given the (ridiculous) threat of legal action. Their job is to protect you in situations like this.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the reference to Math tutor was a cut and paste from a different email where parent emailed a math teacher?

OP is there an update?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with Mrs. Beasley except don't mention threats or zoom. Just say what you're willing to do. And you may want to mention that you had been checking in and providing feedback along the way and that the student seemed on track.

But was the teacher checking in and providing feedback along the way? I am not sure she did. How is she just now realizing the student was so far behind? For kids this age, for a five week long project, the teacher should be making the students turn in the project in pieces and providing feedback. And if the student is not, the parent should be notified.

You didn't bother to read the whole thread, did you?

[Anonymous]

Op I think you need feedback from your admin before sending a response.

I hope the mom from hell pulls in her horns.

[Anonymous]

I hope the mom finds your post. You should lose your job.