Responding calmly and helpfully to a parent whose student waited until the day after the project was due to ask for help

[Anonymous]

My students have worked on a project since Day 2 of this school year. It was divided into four sections. Each week, they had two days to work on it during class. I’ve also provided extensive feedback on each step, identifying weak or missing areas and suggested revisions. 99% of my students turned in a successful project yesterday. One student told me her mom would email me. I thought there might be a message about some unexpected occurrence that kept the student from finishing. Prior to this, the student did not appear to be struggling exceptionally.

Today, I received an email from the mom saying that the child didn’t understand the assignment. In fact, she claims the child never understood what to do, she had to pay the math tutor to help with the project, and that the tutor disagreed with my feedback and suggested revisions. She sides with the tutor as she is a doctoral student in math. Note: I do not teach math and no math was involved in the project.

Mom’s parting shot is that her child will not turn in the assignment unless I Zoom with them tonight to go over each of the four steps. If I do not do this, she is threatening “legal action” over a failing grade.

I’m not afraid of the “legal action”. I’m a veteran teacher who has had nearly a thousand students successful complete this project, many with learning disabilities, serious socioemotional issues, or other challenges including homelessness.

I do worry that mom will try other ways to make my life a living hell for the next 8.5 months. Without caving, how can I respond to her patiently and helpfully.

[Anonymous]

Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

[Anonymous]

Mrs. Beasley rocks! What she said, lol.

What grade is this for op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Leave off the last paragraph. Just ignore the zoom request, don't respond to it. But you could say that you are open to a conference if needed in the future.

[Anonymous]

+1 to Mrs. Beasley’s response, and if you have a department head or other immediate supervisor between you and the principal (or head if this is private school), alert them verbally to the situation and then copy them on the email.

Time to document the sh*t out of this situation so you have a paper trail.

[Anonymous]

Agree with Mrs. Beasley except don't mention threats or zoom. Just say what you're willing to do. And you may want to mention that you had been checking in and providing feedback along the way and that the student seemed on track.

[Anonymous]

What grade are we talking? I agree with the draft response but curious. My kids are in HS and teachers have been clear they would prefer students raise issues not parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Leave off the last paragraph. Just ignore the zoom request, don't respond to it. But you could say that you are open to a conference if needed in the future.

Agree with this. Ignore the Zoom request and threat. Forward your response to your (principal, HoS, Dept Head) so they know you have a batsh!t crazy parent in your class and that you just want to keep them up to speed for when she comes to them with a crazy demand--because she will.

What grade is this and what do you teach? Just curious because the whole math tutor thing is weird if you don't even teach math.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Leave off the last paragraph. Just ignore the zoom request, don't respond to it. But you could say that you are open to a conference if needed in the future.

Agree to leave the last paragraph off.
Be sure to Cc your AP and explain the situation to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mrs. Beasley rocks! What she said, lol.

What grade is this for op?

I agree!

Seventh graders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My students have worked on a project since Day 2 of this school year. It was divided into four sections. Each week, they had two days to work on it during class. I’ve also provided extensive feedback on each step, identifying weak or missing areas and suggested revisions. 99% of my students turned in a successful project yesterday. One student told me her mom would email me. I thought there might be a message about some unexpected occurrence that kept the student from finishing. Prior to this, the student did not appear to be struggling exceptionally.

Today, I received an email from the mom saying that the child didn’t understand the assignment. In fact, she claims the child never understood what to do, she had to pay the math tutor to help with the project, and that the tutor disagreed with my feedback and suggested revisions. She sides with the tutor as she is a doctoral student in math. Note: I do not teach math and no math was involved in the project.

Mom’s parting shot is that her child will not turn in the assignment unless I Zoom with them tonight to go over each of the four steps. If I do not do this, she is threatening “legal action” over a failing grade.

I’m not afraid of the “legal action”. I’m a veteran teacher who has had nearly a thousand students successful complete this project, many with learning disabilities, serious socioemotional issues, or other challenges including homelessness.

I do worry that mom will try other ways to make my life a living hell for the next 8.5 months. Without caving, how can I respond to her patiently and helpfully.

A project like this should have written instructions and a grading rubric. Can you attach that to your email to the parent?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear Ms. Pushy,

The students had been working on this since Day 2 of school. They were given explicit instructions each step of the way, which Janice seemed to understand as she kept progressing in pace with the rest of the class.

At no point did Janice tell me she was struggling or ask for help. This project does not involve math, so it is unclear why a math tutor got involved. Regardless, I am available today and tomorrow during lunch if Janice would like to come see me to get back on track and this one time, I will give her an extension, to October 7, to turn in the completed project.

I am not available to do a Zoom meeting, and moving forward please do not threaten me. We have 8 months left of the school year, and I look forward to having a collaborative and productive relationship with each of my students (and by extension, their parents).

Best,
Mrs. Beasely

Leave off the last paragraph. Just ignore the zoom request, don't respond to it. But you could say that you are open to a conference if needed in the future.

Agree to leave the last paragraph off.
Be sure to Cc your AP and explain the situation to them.

That’s a good point. Thank you!

[Anonymous]

Wow. I can't believe the gumption of that parent. Incredible.

My oldest child, now in college, has ADHD, ASD and learning disabilities, and had numerous crises over his school career. He had one last year as a college freshman. He always did his best to handle them himself, and I only got involved if he was at an impasse... the last time that happened was in senior year of high school, with a very inflexible math teacher who refused point blank to comply with his 504 accommodations.

What Mrs. Beaseley said, with or without the last paragraph and with a heads-up to your supervisor. Stay strong, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My students have worked on a project since Day 2 of this school year. It was divided into four sections. Each week, they had two days to work on it during class. I’ve also provided extensive feedback on each step, identifying weak or missing areas and suggested revisions. 99% of my students turned in a successful project yesterday. One student told me her mom would email me. I thought there might be a message about some unexpected occurrence that kept the student from finishing. Prior to this, the student did not appear to be struggling exceptionally.

Today, I received an email from the mom saying that the child didn’t understand the assignment. In fact, she claims the child never understood what to do, she had to pay the math tutor to help with the project, and that the tutor disagreed with my feedback and suggested revisions. She sides with the tutor as she is a doctoral student in math. Note: I do not teach math and no math was involved in the project.

Mom’s parting shot is that her child will not turn in the assignment unless I Zoom with them tonight to go over each of the four steps. If I do not do this, she is threatening “legal action” over a failing grade.

I’m not afraid of the “legal action”. I’m a veteran teacher who has had nearly a thousand students successful complete this project, many with learning disabilities, serious socioemotional issues, or other challenges including homelessness.

I do worry that mom will try other ways to make my life a living hell for the next 8.5 months. Without caving, how can I respond to her patiently and helpfully.

A project like this should have written instructions and a grading rubric. Can you attach that to your email to the parent?

Those were sent home at each stage, but I will attach them to my reply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I can't believe the gumption of that parent. Incredible.

My oldest child, now in college, has ADHD, ASD and learning disabilities, and had numerous crises over his school career. He had one last year as a college freshman. He always did his best to handle them himself, and I only got involved if he was at an impasse... the last time that happened was in senior year of high school, with a very inflexible math teacher who refused point blank to comply with his 504 accommodations.

What Mrs. Beaseley said, with or without the last paragraph and with a heads-up to your supervisor. Stay strong, OP.

Thank you.