Less scheduled kids - how are they faring in high school and beyond?

[Anonymous]

I was a child of poor Asian immigrants. My parents were not relaxed. They were just trying to survive in a new country and they never signed me up for anything or drove me anywhere. I was on my own. I took advantage of every opportunity that was given to me at school. I had to sign up on my own. Every activity I did was at my school.

I want my kids to at least try everything because I never had the chance. I want them to try dance, robotics, swim, piano, debate and everything else that they have the slightest interest in. I’m happy to support them in what they enjoy and excel in. My kids all play sports competitively.

[Anonymous]

If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

[Anonymous]

I think the goal should be exposing kids to a wide range of activities and sports in the elementary school years. There will be times this might lead to over scheduling and others when the schedule is much more comfortable. DS is currently in high school, and he is on a varsity team playing the fourth sport he tried. It is something he loves and is good at. If we had stopped at his third sport I’m not sure if we would be on a high school team. Balance is important, but you also want to find sports and activities that are a good fit for your DCs before they are in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

This, pretty much. I also find it odd that we as a society drive kids to do, do, do, all this stuff. But we don't do it as adults. Even before becoming consumed with taking our kids to all this stuff, your typical adult goes to work, hangs out with friends, maybe fits in time to go to the gym and keep up a hobby. So by looking at the adults, our kids learn that doing all this stuff is just about the college resume but is to be dropped as soon as possible. Instead, better to do less, encourage exploration, and finding real interests that you can pursue for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

My nephew only did karate after school and some kind of music ensemble (bass) during class in high school, and is at UMD on a full engineering scholarship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was a child of poor Asian immigrants. My parents were not relaxed. They were just trying to survive in a new country and they never signed me up for anything or drove me anywhere. I was on my own. I took advantage of every opportunity that was given to me at school. I had to sign up on my own. Every activity I did was at my school.

I want my kids to at least try everything because I never had the chance. I want them to try dance, robotics, swim, piano, debate and everything else that they have the slightest interest in. I’m happy to support them in what they enjoy and excel in. My kids all play sports competitively.

How did you turn out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a child of poor Asian immigrants. My parents were not relaxed. They were just trying to survive in a new country and they never signed me up for anything or drove me anywhere. I was on my own. I took advantage of every opportunity that was given to me at school. I had to sign up on my own. Every activity I did was at my school.

I want my kids to at least try everything because I never had the chance. I want them to try dance, robotics, swim, piano, debate and everything else that they have the slightest interest in. I’m happy to support them in what they enjoy and excel in. My kids all play sports competitively.

How did you turn out?

I went to a good college and went to Harvard for grad school. I met Dh there. Dh is the type of guy who is good at everything. My kids take after him. I was only good at school. I often wonder if I would have been good at other things if given the opportunity when I was a child.

[Anonymous]

And I’m sure my kids are tired of hearing how I was not able to do anything as a child.

One of my friends comes from a refugee family and like me had no opportunities as a child. It kills hwr that her children don’t want to do anything even if they are handed activities. My kids want to do the sports and activities. My problem is my kids want to do too much. My boys play 3-4 sports each. They focus on one sport each competitively year round but still don’t want to give up their other sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And I’m sure my kids are tired of hearing how I was not able to do anything as a child.

One of my friends comes from a refugee family and like me had no opportunities as a child. It kills hwr that her children don’t want to do anything even if they are handed activities. My kids want to do the sports and activities. My problem is my kids want to do too much. My boys play 3-4 sports each. They focus on one sport each competitively year round but still don’t want to give up their other sports.

I understand the feeling, I have a physical disability and couldn't do sports. I wish I could have at least tried. But, it doesn't kill me that kids may not want to do organized sports. It kills me that they don't want to play/hang out outside with friends in person or if they aren't allowed to

[Anonymous]

Pp again. I think there is a difference between parents not signing up kids who want to do more vs not signing up a kid who isn’t very interested in the first place.

I know a boy who loves golf. Parents never played. Kid watched tv and became interested. Parents don’t have a lot of money but got him some clubs. I know his coach waives a lot of fees. This is the type of kid who will be playing for Stanford. His parents could easily have said no and signed him up for rec soccer

[Anonymous]

The boy plays golf daily and wins tournaments. Parents spend all their money on golf. I don’t think the parents even went to college.

There are kids like this in basketball, gymnastics, etc. Kids are quickly identified as talented at a young age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And I’m sure my kids are tired of hearing how I was not able to do anything as a child.

One of my friends comes from a refugee family and like me had no opportunities as a child. It kills hwr that her children don’t want to do anything even if they are handed activities. My kids want to do the sports and activities. My problem is my kids want to do too much. My boys play 3-4 sports each. They focus on one sport each competitively year round but still don’t want to give up their other sports.

I understand the feeling, I have a physical disability and couldn't do sports. I wish I could have at least tried. But, it doesn't kill me that kids may not want to do organized sports. It kills me that they don't want to play/hang out outside with friends in person or if they aren't allowed to

My friend’s kids struggle academically and socially as well. The boy especially finds it difficult to fit in because he hates sports.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

This, pretty much. I also find it odd that we as a society drive kids to do, do, do, all this stuff. But we don't do it as adults. Even before becoming consumed with taking our kids to all this stuff, your typical adult goes to work, hangs out with friends, maybe fits in time to go to the gym and keep up a hobby. So by looking at the adults, our kids learn that doing all this stuff is just about the college resume but is to be dropped as soon as possible. Instead, better to do less, encourage exploration, and finding real interests that you can pursue for the rest of your life.

I find this so sad. Almost nobody from my youth orchestra plays music 20 years later. Almost nobody is doing rec sports. It honestly sends a terrible message to our kids when they don't see the adults in their lives just following them around and doing nothing for enjoyment except "hanging out." The children grow to think the world revolves around them, and they become adults who have no interests and are kind of boring to talk to. A much better model is to continue your hobbies and involve your kids. I have kept up music, and for the past year my toddler-aged son has been obsessed with the violin, constantly "playing" his toy violin at home, at school, at church. My daughter is asking for time to play her real violin (she hasn't started formal lessons yet but I'm doing some basics with her until she demonstrates that she's ready to commit to regular lessons and practice). If we can keep up the enthusiasm, we'll be able to play music together as a family, and my children will see this as a lifelong hobby and not something that you do only until you get your college admission letter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My nephew only did karate after school and some kind of music ensemble (bass) during class in high school, and is at UMD on a full engineering scholarship.

That’s a mediocre kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was a child of poor Asian immigrants. My parents were not relaxed. They were just trying to survive in a new country and they never signed me up for anything or drove me anywhere. I was on my own. I took advantage of every opportunity that was given to me at school. I had to sign up on my own. Every activity I did was at my school.

I want my kids to at least try everything because I never had the chance. I want them to try dance, robotics, swim, piano, debate and everything else that they have the slightest interest in. I’m happy to support them in what they enjoy and excel in. My kids all play sports competitively.

How did you turn out?

I went to a good college and went to Harvard for grad school. I met Dh there. Dh is the type of guy who is good at everything. My kids take after him. I was only good at school. I often wonder if I would have been good at other things if given the opportunity when I was a child.

Doubt it