Less scheduled kids - how are they faring in high school and beyond?

[Anonymous]

My kids organically found passions in late middle and high school, where they are now, despite having no or almost no activities until that time. Both hated pretty much everything we signed them up for when they were younger and we ended up stopping. So far it’s worked out and no regrets, even if we were always the outliers with kids who didn’t do organized activities. For mine, they somehow needed to get to an age where they really wanted to find things they enjoyed. Seeing all their friends engaged in activities also was a nudge to explore around 7th grade for both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can be well scheduled and not exhausted. It just depends on how intelligent and gifted the child is.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means the poster you're quoting is a perfect parent with a perfect kid, I guess.

Two of my kids are in college and the third has graduated and been working for a few years. When they were young, we signed them up for things they said they wanted to do, but if they were resistant to actually going to the activity, we didn't sign them up for the next round.

In high school, two of them found activities they really liked and did them. The third needs more down time, plus there was COVID. They all got into colleges they were happy with (state flagship, top private universities and SLACs), and they are (mostly) good about managing the sort of real life tasks that my friends nag their kids about (medical appointments, laundry, etc)

Get out of their way so they can figure out who they are. Let them screw up while they're young and the consequences are smaller

[Anonymous]

I don’t think there is any correlation between success and scheduling of activities. You do you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

I love this comment. Because it is 100% spot on. We’re all just a bunch of average Joes.

I mean this in the nicest way but statistically, the more your kid is motivated to engage in activities whether sports or interest like art, music, theater, it doesn't matter - v sitting at home just doing some homework and being online - the more likely they are in doing better than average from a professional perspective at least in terms of grad school. I'm a corporate recruiter and regularly recruit both undergrad and grad students from top schools ie Duke or UVA MBA and Cornell or U of I Urbana EE degrees and I've always noticed is how well rounded they are in terms of a LOT of activities on their resume often from HS on.

I have interviewed a ton of entry levels and the motivated ones almost always played a travel sport.

I'm not kidding. It makes sense from the perspective that a kid who is motivated to socially engage and take the time to do something they like will be more motivated to succeed in anything. Now this does NOT mean that you can't succeed if you're an introvert or you can't succeed if you don't go to a top school. There's 100 ways to success at any age but what I can tell you from real world observation is that people who don't just want to stay home and relax but are willing to expend energy to join and participate in an activity tend to have more motivation than someone who does not. Pretty logical conclusion.

Speaking as mom if a kid who plays a travel and school sport and an instrument, who always has something going on, they are better at time management, organization and focus than my other kid who just wants to be online and doesn't really have that interest to do too much other than their school sport that's mandatory. I am always more significantly worried about this kid over my other one who I pretty much never need to be hands on with. They are far from but they are self driven.

I'll also say that PP - the times have changed in prob the past 7-8 years. I've been recruiting a very long time and yes, there was a time when I did not see this trend as prevalent but these days, I can pick out the kids in HS I see who will go to a top school just knowing what their daily schedule is.

Again - I reiterate - this is not something I'm suggesting us 100% nor that you will never see someone successful who does not have a lot of activities they do and of course it's gotta come from the kid whatever they choose to do. However, being over scheduled is not exactly a marker of someone who is going to have a nervous breakdown but rather often a sign of someone who has motivation to exceed average persons standards. In other words, they want the A and A+ over the B. Its drive is what it is, nothing less or more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

I love this comment. Because it is 100% spot on. We’re all just a bunch of average Joes.

I mean this in the nicest way but statistically, the more your kid is motivated to engage in activities whether sports or interest like art, music, theater, it doesn't matter - v sitting at home just doing some homework and being online - the more likely they are in doing better than average from a professional perspective at least in terms of grad school. I'm a corporate recruiter and regularly recruit both undergrad and grad students from top schools ie Duke or UVA MBA and Cornell or U of I Urbana EE degrees and I've always noticed is how well rounded they are in terms of a LOT of activities on their resume often from HS on.

I have interviewed a ton of entry levels and the motivated ones almost always played a travel sport.

I'm not kidding. It makes sense from the perspective that a kid who is motivated to socially engage and take the time to do something they like will be more motivated to succeed in anything. Now this does NOT mean that you can't succeed if you're an introvert or you can't succeed if you don't go to a top school. There's 100 ways to success at any age but what I can tell you from real world observation is that people who don't just want to stay home and relax but are willing to expend energy to join and participate in an activity tend to have more motivation than someone who does not. Pretty logical conclusion.

Speaking as mom if a kid who plays a travel and school sport and an instrument, who always has something going on, they are better at time management, organization and focus than my other kid who just wants to be online and doesn't really have that interest to do too much other than their school sport that's mandatory. I am always more significantly worried about this kid over my other one who I pretty much never need to be hands on with. They are far from but they are self driven.

I'll also say that PP - the times have changed in prob the past 7-8 years. I've been recruiting a very long time and yes, there was a time when I did not see this trend as prevalent but these days, I can pick out the kids in HS I see who will go to a top school just knowing what their daily schedule is.

Again - I reiterate - this is not something I'm suggesting us 100% nor that you will never see someone successful who does not have a lot of activities they do and of course it's gotta come from the kid whatever they choose to do. However, being over scheduled is not exactly a marker of someone who is going to have a nervous breakdown but rather often a sign of someone who has motivation to exceed average persons standards. In other words, they want the A and A+ over the B. Its drive is what it is, nothing less or more.

How can you pick out which kids are going to top schools? Lots and lots kids, more than ever, are loading up on activities, creating non-profits, and jumping hoops. Not all of them go to top schools. Good schools, sure.

[Anonymous]

Every single less scheduled kid I know is doing amazing. They are all recent college graduates (2021-2024)
Kid 1 (niece) only did gymnastics once a week up until middle school.
Played an instrument. Joined marching band in high school and that was the only activity.
Got into all schools, went to UVA, graduated and now at Med school.
Kid 2. Extremely smart kid. No activity whatsoever. But highly interested in computers. Graduated from TJ.Finished undergrad in CS from UMD in the Spring of 2024 , working at amazon.
Kid 3. Only gymnastics as an activity until high school. But non competitive. Only did once a week type things. Went to Va Tech, and then to Penn for graduate school. Now working.
Kid 4. Extremely smart. No activity. Lots of AP’s and beyond AP classes. Got into Michigan, Geogia tech, UMD (scholarship) and UIUC. Chose UMd and now successfully running his own company.

They all had high GPA’s and SAT scores..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

I love this comment. Because it is 100% spot on. We’re all just a bunch of average Joes.

I mean this in the nicest way but statistically, the more your kid is motivated to engage in activities whether sports or interest like art, music, theater, it doesn't matter - v sitting at home just doing some homework and being online - the more likely they are in doing better than average from a professional perspective at least in terms of grad school. I'm a corporate recruiter and regularly recruit both undergrad and grad students from top schools ie Duke or UVA MBA and Cornell or U of I Urbana EE degrees and I've always noticed is how well rounded they are in terms of a LOT of activities on their resume often from HS on.

I have interviewed a ton of entry levels and the motivated ones almost always played a travel sport.

I'm not kidding. It makes sense from the perspective that a kid who is motivated to socially engage and take the time to do something they like will be more motivated to succeed in anything. Now this does NOT mean that you can't succeed if you're an introvert or you can't succeed if you don't go to a top school. There's 100 ways to success at any age but what I can tell you from real world observation is that people who don't just want to stay home and relax but are willing to expend energy to join and participate in an activity tend to have more motivation than someone who does not. Pretty logical conclusion.

Speaking as mom if a kid who plays a travel and school sport and an instrument, who always has something going on, they are better at time management, organization and focus than my other kid who just wants to be online and doesn't really have that interest to do too much other than their school sport that's mandatory. I am always more significantly worried about this kid over my other one who I pretty much never need to be hands on with. They are far from but they are self driven.

I'll also say that PP - the times have changed in prob the past 7-8 years. I've been recruiting a very long time and yes, there was a time when I did not see this trend as prevalent but these days, I can pick out the kids in HS I see who will go to a top school just knowing what their daily schedule is.

Again - I reiterate - this is not something I'm suggesting us 100% nor that you will never see someone successful who does not have a lot of activities they do and of course it's gotta come from the kid whatever they choose to do. However, being over scheduled is not exactly a marker of someone who is going to have a nervous breakdown but rather often a sign of someone who has motivation to exceed average persons standards. In other words, they want the A and A+ over the B. Its drive is what it is, nothing less or more.

How can you pick out which kids are going to top schools? Lots and lots kids, more than ever, are loading up on activities, creating non-profits, and jumping hoops. Not all of them go to top schools. Good schools, sure.

People say this but it's not really true. There are no that many impressive kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

I love this comment. Because it is 100% spot on. We’re all just a bunch of average Joes.

I mean this in the nicest way but statistically, the more your kid is motivated to engage in activities whether sports or interest like art, music, theater, it doesn't matter - v sitting at home just doing some homework and being online - the more likely they are in doing better than average from a professional perspective at least in terms of grad school. I'm a corporate recruiter and regularly recruit both undergrad and grad students from top schools ie Duke or UVA MBA and Cornell or U of I Urbana EE degrees and I've always noticed is how well rounded they are in terms of a LOT of activities on their resume often from HS on.

I have interviewed a ton of entry levels and the motivated ones almost always played a travel sport.

I'm not kidding. It makes sense from the perspective that a kid who is motivated to socially engage and take the time to do something they like will be more motivated to succeed in anything. Now this does NOT mean that you can't succeed if you're an introvert or you can't succeed if you don't go to a top school. There's 100 ways to success at any age but what I can tell you from real world observation is that people who don't just want to stay home and relax but are willing to expend energy to join and participate in an activity tend to have more motivation than someone who does not. Pretty logical conclusion.

Speaking as mom if a kid who plays a travel and school sport and an instrument, who always has something going on, they are better at time management, organization and focus than my other kid who just wants to be online and doesn't really have that interest to do too much other than their school sport that's mandatory. I am always more significantly worried about this kid over my other one who I pretty much never need to be hands on with. They are far from but they are self driven.

I'll also say that PP - the times have changed in prob the past 7-8 years. I've been recruiting a very long time and yes, there was a time when I did not see this trend as prevalent but these days, I can pick out the kids in HS I see who will go to a top school just knowing what their daily schedule is.

Again - I reiterate - this is not something I'm suggesting us 100% nor that you will never see someone successful who does not have a lot of activities they do and of course it's gotta come from the kid whatever they choose to do. However, being over scheduled is not exactly a marker of someone who is going to have a nervous breakdown but rather often a sign of someone who has motivation to exceed average persons standards. In other words, they want the A and A+ over the B. Its drive is what it is, nothing less or more.

Do you realize your interviewing is likely screening more for wealth than anything else if a travel sports history is a key distinction you are looking for?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

I love this comment. Because it is 100% spot on. We’re all just a bunch of average Joes.

I mean this in the nicest way but statistically, the more your kid is motivated to engage in activities whether sports or interest like art, music, theater, it doesn't matter - v sitting at home just doing some homework and being online - the more likely they are in doing better than average from a professional perspective at least in terms of grad school. I'm a corporate recruiter and regularly recruit both undergrad and grad students from top schools ie Duke or UVA MBA and Cornell or U of I Urbana EE degrees and I've always noticed is how well rounded they are in terms of a LOT of activities on their resume often from HS on.

I have interviewed a ton of entry levels and the motivated ones almost always played a travel sport.

I'm not kidding. It makes sense from the perspective that a kid who is motivated to socially engage and take the time to do something they like will be more motivated to succeed in anything. Now this does NOT mean that you can't succeed if you're an introvert or you can't succeed if you don't go to a top school. There's 100 ways to success at any age but what I can tell you from real world observation is that people who don't just want to stay home and relax but are willing to expend energy to join and participate in an activity tend to have more motivation than someone who does not. Pretty logical conclusion.

Speaking as mom if a kid who plays a travel and school sport and an instrument, who always has something going on, they are better at time management, organization and focus than my other kid who just wants to be online and doesn't really have that interest to do too much other than their school sport that's mandatory. I am always more significantly worried about this kid over my other one who I pretty much never need to be hands on with. They are far from but they are self driven.

I'll also say that PP - the times have changed in prob the past 7-8 years. I've been recruiting a very long time and yes, there was a time when I did not see this trend as prevalent but these days, I can pick out the kids in HS I see who will go to a top school just knowing what their daily schedule is.

Again - I reiterate - this is not something I'm suggesting us 100% nor that you will never see someone successful who does not have a lot of activities they do and of course it's gotta come from the kid whatever they choose to do. However, being over scheduled is not exactly a marker of someone who is going to have a nervous breakdown but rather often a sign of someone who has motivation to exceed average persons standards. In other words, they want the A and A+ over the B. Its drive is what it is, nothing less or more.

How can you pick out which kids are going to top schools? Lots and lots kids, more than ever, are loading up on activities, creating non-profits, and jumping hoops. Not all of them go to top schools. Good schools, sure.

People say this but it's not really true. There are no that many impressive kids.

It is true. Look at the stats of a dozen kids who applied and got into more than 1 Ivy. Do the same with a dozen kids who went through the application cycle 15 years ago. I didn’t say today’s kids were genuinely impressive, just that way more of them are doing lots and lots of activities and extracurriculars.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

I love this comment. Because it is 100% spot on. We’re all just a bunch of average Joes.

Speaking as mom if a kid who plays a travel and school sport and an instrument, who always has something going on, they are better at time management, organization and focus than my other kid who just wants to be online and doesn't really have that interest to do too much other than their school sport that's mandatory. I am always more significantly worried about this kid over my other one who I pretty much never need to be hands on with. They are far from but they are self driven.


Again - I reiterate - this is not something I'm suggesting us 100% nor that you will never see someone successful who does not have a lot of activities they do and of course it's gotta come from the kid whatever they choose to do. However, being over scheduled is not exactly a marker of someone who is going to have a nervous breakdown but rather often a sign of someone who has motivation to exceed average persons standards. In other words, they want the A and A+ over the B. Its drive is what it is, nothing less or more.

Your son plays a travel sport, a school sport and plays an instrument. That’s good but describes the majority of students. It’s not exceeding the average student, it is the average student. Not sure about it showing drive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

I love this comment. Because it is 100% spot on. We’re all just a bunch of average Joes.

I mean this in the nicest way but statistically, the more your kid is motivated to engage in activities whether sports or interest like art, music, theater, it doesn't matter - v sitting at home just doing some homework and being online - the more likely they are in doing better than average from a professional perspective at least in terms of grad school. I'm a corporate recruiter and regularly recruit both undergrad and grad students from top schools ie Duke or UVA MBA and Cornell or U of I Urbana EE degrees and I've always noticed is how well rounded they are in terms of a LOT of activities on their resume often from HS on.

I have interviewed a ton of entry levels and the motivated ones almost always played a travel sport.

I'm not kidding. It makes sense from the perspective that a kid who is motivated to socially engage and take the time to do something they like will be more motivated to succeed in anything. Now this does NOT mean that you can't succeed if you're an introvert or you can't succeed if you don't go to a top school. There's 100 ways to success at any age but what I can tell you from real world observation is that people who don't just want to stay home and relax but are willing to expend energy to join and participate in an activity tend to have more motivation than someone who does not. Pretty logical conclusion.

Speaking as mom if a kid who plays a travel and school sport and an instrument, who always has something going on, they are better at time management, organization and focus than my other kid who just wants to be online and doesn't really have that interest to do too much other than their school sport that's mandatory. I am always more significantly worried about this kid over my other one who I pretty much never need to be hands on with. They are far from but they are self driven.

I'll also say that PP - the times have changed in prob the past 7-8 years. I've been recruiting a very long time and yes, there was a time when I did not see this trend as prevalent but these days, I can pick out the kids in HS I see who will go to a top school just knowing what their daily schedule is.

Again - I reiterate - this is not something I'm suggesting us 100% nor that you will never see someone successful who does not have a lot of activities they do and of course it's gotta come from the kid whatever they choose to do. However, being over scheduled is not exactly a marker of someone who is going to have a nervous breakdown but rather often a sign of someone who has motivation to exceed average persons standards. In other words, they want the A and A+ over the B. Its drive is what it is, nothing less or more.

Your job is to look for people who like to work themselves to death, accept busywork, and do unpaid work on their time off, duh. Corporate recruiters know that people who have a good work-school-life balance from an early age aren't going to answer emails at 12 am or attend every single meeting. Someone who plays a travel sport at a mediocre level for 8 years is more the type of person to go to a meeting that they know is pointless. There is no great insight in your comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are an average adult who went to an average college, have an average job and your kids attend an average school, your kid is probably doing fine and will continue your average lives. They can also go to an average college, get an average job, marry a fellow average spouse and repeat. This is probably what happens to most people.

I love this comment. Because it is 100% spot on. We’re all just a bunch of average Joes.

I mean this in the nicest way but statistically, the more your kid is motivated to engage in activities whether sports or interest like art, music, theater, it doesn't matter - v sitting at home just doing some homework and being online - the more likely they are in doing better than average from a professional perspective at least in terms of grad school. I'm a corporate recruiter and regularly recruit both undergrad and grad students from top schools ie Duke or UVA MBA and Cornell or U of I Urbana EE degrees and I've always noticed is how well rounded they are in terms of a LOT of activities on their resume often from HS on.

I have interviewed a ton of entry levels and the motivated ones almost always played a travel sport.

I'm not kidding. It makes sense from the perspective that a kid who is motivated to socially engage and take the time to do something they like will be more motivated to succeed in anything. Now this does NOT mean that you can't succeed if you're an introvert or you can't succeed if you don't go to a top school. There's 100 ways to success at any age but what I can tell you from real world observation is that people who don't just want to stay home and relax but are willing to expend energy to join and participate in an activity tend to have more motivation than someone who does not. Pretty logical conclusion.

Speaking as mom if a kid who plays a travel and school sport and an instrument, who always has something going on, they are better at time management, organization and focus than my other kid who just wants to be online and doesn't really have that interest to do too much other than their school sport that's mandatory. I am always more significantly worried about this kid over my other one who I pretty much never need to be hands on with. They are far from but they are self driven.

I'll also say that PP - the times have changed in prob the past 7-8 years. I've been recruiting a very long time and yes, there was a time when I did not see this trend as prevalent but these days, I can pick out the kids in HS I see who will go to a top school just knowing what their daily schedule is.

Again - I reiterate - this is not something I'm suggesting us 100% nor that you will never see someone successful who does not have a lot of activities they do and of course it's gotta come from the kid whatever they choose to do. However, being over scheduled is not exactly a marker of someone who is going to have a nervous breakdown but rather often a sign of someone who has motivation to exceed average persons standards. In other words, they want the A and A+ over the B. Its drive is what it is, nothing less or more.

How can you pick out which kids are going to top schools? Lots and lots kids, more than ever, are loading up on activities, creating non-profits, and jumping hoops. Not all of them go to top schools. Good schools, sure.

People say this but it's not really true. There are no that many impressive kids.

It is true. Look at the stats of a dozen kids who applied and got into more than 1 Ivy. Do the same with a dozen kids who went through the application cycle 15 years ago. I didn’t say today’s kids were genuinely impressive, just that way more of them are doing lots and lots of activities and extracurriculars.

umm, this is a very small number of children. less than 1%. so no, "lots and lots of kids are not creating non-profits, loading up on activities etc".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids organically found passions in late middle and high school, where they are now, despite having no or almost no activities until that time. Both hated pretty much everything we signed them up for when they were younger and we ended up stopping. So far it’s worked out and no regrets, even if we were always the outliers with kids who didn’t do organized activities. For mine, they somehow needed to get to an age where they really wanted to find things they enjoyed. Seeing all their friends engaged in activities also was a nudge to explore around 7th grade for both.

What did they do after school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids organically found passions in late middle and high school, where they are now, despite having no or almost no activities until that time. Both hated pretty much everything we signed them up for when they were younger and we ended up stopping. So far it’s worked out and no regrets, even if we were always the outliers with kids who didn’t do organized activities. For mine, they somehow needed to get to an age where they really wanted to find things they enjoyed. Seeing all their friends engaged in activities also was a nudge to explore around 7th grade for both.

What did they do after school?

Why is hanging out with friends after school doing nothing or somehow unacceptable? Surely, no one believes that all kids will end up trouble makers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kids organically found passions in late middle and high school, where they are now, despite having no or almost no activities until that time. Both hated pretty much everything we signed them up for when they were younger and we ended up stopping. So far it’s worked out and no regrets, even if we were always the outliers with kids who didn’t do organized activities. For mine, they somehow needed to get to an age where they really wanted to find things they enjoyed. Seeing all their friends engaged in activities also was a nudge to explore around 7th grade for both.

What did they do after school?

What did you do after school as a kid? Was nothing but homework and activities? Did you never just hang out with friends or spend time with family? You never again went outside with your friends? Did you think you were overscheduled or did you like it?