Friend's child was murdered by a family member: how should I interact with friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think OP is trying to write a book. Their last few lines are very weird – if the “friend” lost a child at the hands of the family member, why are they wanting to know about peoples experiences with losing children due to wars, etc.?

+1 trying to get ideas because she lacks imagination and want to do so by exploiting the grief of strangers. Eww

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a good friend whose only sibling, his brother, was murdered by a random stranger. (The only person I've known like this). They had a trial, the murderer went to prison. The trial in itself was super difficult.

This event destroyed their family and colored everything in their lives. The parents broke up. I've heard that this often happens. Family is driven apart, not closer.

The father got into a new relationship. The mother became a part of Parents of Murdered Chikdren and that was her life focus until she died. I don't think many other people can even relate to what they experience.

My friend was traumatized and was able to have a long-term relationship but it was not easy. His relationships with his parents suffered too.

My point is that this is a very huge, rare trauma and it may not be a good thing to get involved in. I think they never really move on.

This has been my experience also. I had a high school classmate murdered, my kids had a friend commit suicide in college and I had a cousin who died of an overdose in his 20s and in all cases, it was absolutely devastating to the entire family and changed the course of everyone’s life, including siblings.

I also know a man who witnessed his mother’s murder as a small child. He was traumatized for life about it (and being raised without parents).

I wouldn’t rule out a friend or a romantic relationship because they experienced trauma - but I would be careful about getting involved romantically with someone who had recently experienced such a loss. And if it wasn’t recent, I would take my clues from them.

[Anonymous]

People here are incredibly harsh. Unless you notice it taking a toll on your own mental health, you can continue with the relationship and take their lead. You don't need to talk about the murder, but maybe ask about their child (where was your favorite place to go to with them, what was their favorite meal?). From there if they get emotional, just hug them and let them know you are there for them.

DCUM tends to have people who do not deal with real world issues. Anyone experiencing those issues they immediately write off. These responses are gross and I'm sorry you have had to read them.

[Anonymous]

The friend is hurting and needs to talk. My God, be kind to them and lend an ear.