Reply to Friend's child was murdered by a family member: how should I interact with friend?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a good friend whose only sibling, his brother, was murdered by a random stranger. (The only person I've known like this). They had a trial, the murderer went to prison. The trial in itself was super difficult.

This event destroyed their family and colored everything in their lives. The parents broke up. I've heard that this often happens. Family is driven apart, not closer.

The father got into a new relationship. The mother became a part of Parents of Murdered Chikdren and that was her life focus until she died. I don't think many other people can even relate to what they experience.

My friend was traumatized and was able to have a long-term relationship but it was not easy. His relationships with his parents suffered too.

My point is that this is a very huge, rare trauma and it may not be a good thing to get involved in. I think they never really move on.

[/quote]

This has been my experience also. I had a high school classmate murdered, my kids had a friend commit suicide in college and I had a cousin who died of an overdose in his 20s and in all cases, it was absolutely devastating to the entire family and changed the course of everyone’s life, including siblings.

I also know a man who witnessed his mother’s murder as a small child. He was traumatized for life about it (and being raised without parents).

I wouldn’t rule out a friend or a romantic relationship because they experienced trauma - but I would be careful about getting involved romantically with someone who had recently experienced such a loss. And if it wasn’t recent, I would take my clues from them. [/quote]

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