Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of friends in divorce and not only because they were couple friends. Some people seemed to pull away from me because …idk…they fear divorce is contagious? But also hanging out with people from my old life was a painful reminder of all that I had to leave behind (my home, community, lifestyle). Once my kids are done with school I will leave the area too. I want to focus on moving forward.

Our neighbor is divorced. The other day she had a party that we attended. Later that evening my DW told me she noticed that said neighbor was being overly friendly and flirty with me. She was not. DW was just being insecure and it came out of nowhere because I am not even the most attractive guy that women will gravitate too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of friends in divorce and not only because they were couple friends. Some people seemed to pull away from me because …idk…they fear divorce is contagious? But also hanging out with people from my old life was a painful reminder of all that I had to leave behind (my home, community, lifestyle). Once my kids are done with school I will leave the area too. I want to focus on moving forward.

Our neighbor is divorced. The other day she had a party that we attended. Later that evening my DW told me she noticed that said neighbor was being overly friendly and flirty with me. She was not. DW was just being insecure and it came out of nowhere because I am not even the most attractive guy that women will gravitate too.

Yet here you are. On the DCUM Relationships board.

[Anonymous]

When you are a couple, you hang out with couples. When you’re not, hanging out with couples can be awkward. It is natural to gravitate towards people sharing your life experience.

[Anonymous]

It’s bc there is so much judgment, shaming, pity, condescension and sanctimony from married people once you’re getting divorced—plus all the fear about contagion, about divorced women being husband stealers, or easy pickings, or selfish/flaky/unreliable parents. It can be really horrible being on the receiving end of all the undeserved crap people throw at you to see what sticks.

You become a foil for other people’s fears and stereotypes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is really hard, and people gravitate to others who are divorced because they understand. The divorced person also might feel kind of left out when around happy married people, and feel like they have more in common with single people.

I still have married friends. But my best friend is divorced and she has been soooo understanding. Any of my friends - straight or lgbtq, if they went through it, they know. It's a chasm.

While they may think I envy them, sometimes I actually view some married women as quaint and feel sorry for them. Just the ones who are trying very hard on social media to appear perfect wives and moms. I see it and think, Oh honey, bless your heart, I've been there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is really hard, and people gravitate to others who are divorced because they understand. The divorced person also might feel kind of left out when around happy married people, and feel like they have more in common with single people.

I still have married friends. But my best friend is divorced and she has been soooo understanding. Any of my friends - straight or lgbtq, if they went through it, they know. It's a chasm.

While they may think I envy them, sometimes I actually view some married women as quaint and feel sorry for them. Just the ones who are trying very hard on social media to appear perfect wives and moms. I see it and think, Oh honey, bless your heart, I've been there.

Perhaps you lost your vision since being divorced and "free". Perhaps those married women are actually happy and enjoy being married moms. Divorced people sometimes are judgmental toward people who are still married and happy. Sorry your divorce failed get over it.

[Anonymous]

I'm a divorced dad with 50/50. I definitely have had a great new life in the 10 years since the divorce.

[Anonymous]

I have custody, 24/7 , trust me , life is not exciting! Just peaceful.

[Anonymous]

A lot of the women I know who divorced (none were close friends) seemed to regress from their 40s-50s to their 20s after divorce. They started posting photos on social of themselves in skimpy clothes holding wine glasses, got lots of plastic surgery, were constantly at bars and dating lots of different men. Which, fine, but it’s not my lifestyle anymore and hasn’t been for decades, so kind of hard to relate. As a result the friendships drift apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I lost a lot of friends in divorce and not only because they were couple friends. Some people seemed to pull away from me because …idk…they fear divorce is contagious? But also hanging out with people from my old life was a painful reminder of all that I had to leave behind (my home, community, lifestyle). Once my kids are done with school I will leave the area too. I want to focus on moving forward.

Our neighbor is divorced. The other day she had a party that we attended. Later that evening my DW told me she noticed that said neighbor was being overly friendly and flirty with me. She was not. DW was just being insecure and it came out of nowhere because I am not even the most attractive guy that women will gravitate too.

Yet here you are. On the DCUM Relationships board.

NP - huh? That wasn’t the zinger you thought it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorce is really hard, and people gravitate to others who are divorced because they understand. The divorced person also might feel kind of left out when around happy married people, and feel like they have more in common with single people.

I still have married friends. But my best friend is divorced and she has been soooo understanding. Any of my friends - straight or lgbtq, if they went through it, they know. It's a chasm.

While they may think I envy them, sometimes I actually view some married women as quaint and feel sorry for them. Just the ones who are trying very hard on social media to appear perfect wives and moms. I see it and think, Oh honey, bless your heart, I've been there.

Perhaps you lost your vision since being divorced and "free". Perhaps those married women are actually happy and enjoy being married moms. Divorced people sometimes are judgmental toward people who are still married and happy. Sorry your divorce failed get over it.

It's just hard when they want a play book on how to get divorced... finances, lawyers name and you are like, hey i'm not encouraging divorce (even though it is glorious).. then they enumerate every issue with you thinking you are a kindred spirit, then they post "the love of my life I could never do this crazy world without you".

Then I give them a therapists name instead of a lawyer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the women I know who divorced (none were close friends) seemed to regress from their 40s-50s to their 20s after divorce. They started posting photos on social of themselves in skimpy clothes holding wine glasses, got lots of plastic surgery, were constantly at bars and dating lots of different men. Which, fine, but it’s not my lifestyle anymore and hasn’t been for decades, so kind of hard to relate. As a result the friendships drift apart.

Have you ever thought about why YOUR FRIENDS are like that, while my friends are golfing, doing yoga, and spending tons of time with family and grandchildren.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A lot of the women I know who divorced (none were close friends) seemed to regress from their 40s-50s to their 20s after divorce. They started posting photos on social of themselves in skimpy clothes holding wine glasses, got lots of plastic surgery, were constantly at bars and dating lots of different men. Which, fine, but it’s not my lifestyle anymore and hasn’t been for decades, so kind of hard to relate. As a result the friendships drift apart.

Yep. And our neighbor started overly going on and on about how great divorced life is, how much being married sucked...every gathering she would talk non-stop about all of the 'party life'. It no longer really fit with the other 50-year olds who were long past trying so hard and going to bars to pick up.

[Anonymous]

It is a new life.
Less money, judgey people, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think when people know the reasons it can change things. The woman on our block turns out was banging married men so, rightly, none of the women --even those that were former friends wanted anything to do with her when that got out. She now gravitates towards the middle-aged women hooking up OLD scene. Most people stayed friends with the husband after they sold the house and divorced.

Yep. Sometimes the secrets come out and you realize you don't want to associate with those type of people with sh*t values and character, liars that had everyone deceived.