Why does it feel like divorced friends always have a whole new life?

[Anonymous]

I have read on here that divorced moms feel left out. I actually feel like the divorcing moms distance themselves from their old friends.

I have one friend who was a good family friend of ours. Our kids were best friends. We used to hang out together all the time as families. Then Covid hit and she got divorced and she wants nothing to do with me or my child. Her ex husband is still friends with mine.

Another friend is divorcing now. I met them as a couple and we were close for over a decade. We were pregnant together. Our husbands were good friends. I know she is dating. She seems to want nothing to do with us and has made all these new party friends.

[Anonymous]

People stop inviting us to cookouts and dinner parties and events like football games where couples are invited.

I do find I am invited to things that are women only.

It leaves us a little lost for a few months then we start doing new things... I now play pickleball, golf a few times a week, travel A LOT, and my married friends are like you are never available. Well I can't sit at home waiting for you to do a girls night.

[Anonymous]

I feel like friends get split in the divorce. It depends who took custody of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like friends get split in the divorce. It depends who took custody of you.

This. In the examples OP gave, her DH is friends with the ex-DH. Of course the woman won't feel comfortable hanging out now. A lot of people dislike their ex-spouse so much that they don't want anything to do with them, including old friends.

[Anonymous]

I naturally spend more time with my mom friends who are also divorced with 50-50 custody, both with and without our kids. Of course I am also still good friends with my married friends but lots of their time/emotional energy goes to their husbands - as you expect with married couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like friends get split in the divorce. It depends who took custody of you.

This. In the examples OP gave, her DH is friends with the ex-DH. Of course the woman won't feel comfortable hanging out now. A lot of people dislike their ex-spouse so much that they don't want anything to do with them, including old friends.

I also have a divorced childless friend who seemed to have dropped all her married mom friends. I have heard her complain about mutual acquaintances and their kids so I assume she also finds me and my kids bothersome or lame or some negative feeling.

[Anonymous]

It could be just us. But mutual and non mutual friends still include ex DH in their plans. The women are still friendly( or friendlier) to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have read on here that divorced moms feel left out. I actually feel like the divorcing moms distance themselves from their old friends.

I have one friend who was a good family friend of ours. Our kids were best friends. We used to hang out together all the time as families. Then Covid hit and she got divorced and she wants nothing to do with me or my child. Her ex husband is still friends with mine.

Another friend is divorcing now. I met them as a couple and we were close for over a decade. We were pregnant together. Our husbands were good friends. I know she is dating. She seems to want nothing to do with us and has made all these new party friends.

If your husband is still friends with their husbands, that might be a bit too close for comfort. I’m divorcing now and don’t want to socialize with people who are also spending time with the ex and his side piece. My ego just can’t take that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read on here that divorced moms feel left out. I actually feel like the divorcing moms distance themselves from their old friends.

I have one friend who was a good family friend of ours. Our kids were best friends. We used to hang out together all the time as families. Then Covid hit and she got divorced and she wants nothing to do with me or my child. Her ex husband is still friends with mine.

Another friend is divorcing now. I met them as a couple and we were close for over a decade. We were pregnant together. Our husbands were good friends. I know she is dating. She seems to want nothing to do with us and has made all these new party friends.

If your husband is still friends with their husbands, that might be a bit too close for comfort. I’m divorcing now and don’t want to socialize with people who are also spending time with the ex and his side piece. My ego just can’t take that.

The guys don’t have girlfriends or anyone they bring around. In both my examples, the wife wanted the divorce.

My divorcing friend is leaving her alcoholic husband. I am totally her friend first. My husband is and was friends with both of them for over a decade. Her soon to be ex does not have many friends while my female friend has tons of friends. She definitely seems to be gravitating towards divorced and single people. We have teen children but I also have an elementary child while she only has teens.

[Anonymous]

Divorce is really hard, and people gravitate to others who are divorced because they understand. The divorced person also might feel kind of left out when around happy married people, and feel like they have more in common with single people.

[Anonymous]

Because they DO have a whole new life, OP. It sounds like there wasn't a place for you in these women's new lives, likely because your husband is still friends with their husbands and it's too close to home.

That said, I will say this. I initiated my divorce and was really, really relieved to be able to move on from that relationship and that life. Our friends were part of the life I wanted out of. It wasn't that I stopped liking my "marital friends" individually and specifically. It was that in general, I hated my life and my ex and wanted to move on from all of it.

It's okay for you to feel rejected by this, but it's probably more related to their want to move on than their specific feelings about you as a friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have read on here that divorced moms feel left out. I actually feel like the divorcing moms distance themselves from their old friends.

I have one friend who was a good family friend of ours. Our kids were best friends. We used to hang out together all the time as families. Then Covid hit and she got divorced and she wants nothing to do with me or my child. Her ex husband is still friends with mine.

Another friend is divorcing now. I met them as a couple and we were close for over a decade. We were pregnant together. Our husbands were good friends. I know she is dating. She seems to want nothing to do with us and has made all these new party friends.

There's no "always" in this. It's only your limited experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have read on here that divorced moms feel left out. I actually feel like the divorcing moms distance themselves from their old friends.

I have one friend who was a good family friend of ours. Our kids were best friends. We used to hang out together all the time as families. Then Covid hit and she got divorced and she wants nothing to do with me or my child. Her ex husband is still friends with mine.

Another friend is divorcing now. I met them as a couple and we were close for over a decade. We were pregnant together. Our husbands were good friends. I know she is dating. She seems to want nothing to do with us and has made all these new party friends.

If your husband is still friends with their husbands, that might be a bit too close for comfort. I’m divorcing now and don’t want to socialize with people who are also spending time with the ex and his side piece. My ego just can’t take that.

The guys don’t have girlfriends or anyone they bring around. In both my examples, the wife wanted the divorce.

My divorcing friend is leaving her alcoholic husband. I am totally her friend first. My husband is and was friends with both of them for over a decade. Her soon to be ex does not have many friends while my female friend has tons of friends. She definitely seems to be gravitating towards divorced and single people. We have teen children but I also have an elementary child while she only has teens.

I’m the PP, dunno then. Maybe it’s some sort of reinvention thing. I got dumped hard, so just circled the wagons for self-preservation. It’s probably very different when someone is making an active choice rather than just reacting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It could be just us. But mutual and non mutual friends still include ex DH in their plans. The women are still friendly( or friendlier) to him.

Perhaps the guy was miserable and friends are happy the ex wife is out of the picture.

But women are also weird to be honest. They tend to avoid divorced women far more than men avoid divorced men. I personally know a few divorced men and they still have the same guys friends. On the other hand I heard from a couple of divorced women (too small of a sample size to generalize) that some of their friends give them funny looks. In fact in case one of her former married friend just stopped talking to her.

[Anonymous]

I am divorced and nothing has changed. It's been almost 5 years.

My friends are the same; however, these were my friends before I got married. There were never "couple friends." I was married for a decade.

I don't feel that I have a new life at all. It is just work and kids--just like before.