50/50 in practice doesn't work for the kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been divorced for 1 year and my son (14) said he can't do the back and forth anymore. We tried so many schedules last year and our kids spent a lot of time travelling. My ex wife couldn't afford to leave nearby. There are no room rents in our area. There are few apartments to rent and the cost is prohibitive. My ex lives at least 25 minutes away. Her work schedule makes it almost impossible sometimes for her to pick up the kids during the week for drop off/ pick up. This year the kids re going to be with me Monday to Thursday and Friday to Sunday they will be with their mom. But if their mom has plans some weekends they can stay with me this way.

So, what is the problem with the schedule you plan (dc with you M-Th and F-Su with other parent)? For a teenager, this will probably work fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been divorced for 1 year and my son (14) said he can't do the back and forth anymore. We tried so many schedules last year and our kids spent a lot of time travelling. My ex wife couldn't afford to leave nearby. There are no room rents in our area. There are few apartments to rent and the cost is prohibitive. My ex lives at least 25 minutes away. Her work schedule makes it almost impossible sometimes for her to pick up the kids during the week for drop off/ pick up. This year the kids re going to be with me Monday to Thursday and Friday to Sunday they will be with their mom. But if their mom has plans some weekends they can stay with me this way.

Why is her economic position so different from yours following the divorce? Typically, in a divorce, you split assets 50/50, and child support/alimony gets incomes closer to equal.

OP here. Our economic situation is not that much different. We did split everything 50/50. Neither of us requires alimony or child support. Our salary are not that far off. We sold the house and split the proceeds. We are both renting, but as I said earlier it's prohibitive to rent here and the supply is very limited. In fact I am spending far more of my income towards rent than her, but at least our kids remain in the same school district. Our divorce agreement does not have any clause (nor did we want it) that says we must live close to one another say within 10 mins or so.

Why not have mooed to an area where you both could afford to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been divorced for 1 year and my son (14) said he can't do the back and forth anymore. We tried so many schedules last year and our kids spent a lot of time travelling. My ex wife couldn't afford to leave nearby. There are no room rents in our area. There are few apartments to rent and the cost is prohibitive. My ex lives at least 25 minutes away. Her work schedule makes it almost impossible sometimes for her to pick up the kids during the week for drop off/ pick up. This year the kids re going to be with me Monday to Thursday and Friday to Sunday they will be with their mom. But if their mom has plans some weekends they can stay with me this way.

Why didn't you and she choose a neighborhood you could both afford together? It sounds like you actually could afford to live in the same area, but you didn't put your kids needs first and instead chose to put them in this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been divorced for 1 year and my son (14) said he can't do the back and forth anymore. We tried so many schedules last year and our kids spent a lot of time travelling. My ex wife couldn't afford to leave nearby. There are no room rents in our area. There are few apartments to rent and the cost is prohibitive. My ex lives at least 25 minutes away. Her work schedule makes it almost impossible sometimes for her to pick up the kids during the week for drop off/ pick up. This year the kids re going to be with me Monday to Thursday and Friday to Sunday they will be with their mom. But if their mom has plans some weekends they can stay with me this way.

Why didn't you and she choose a neighborhood you could both afford together? It sounds like you actually could afford to live in the same area, but you didn't put your kids needs first and instead chose to put them in this situation.

Classic absolutely classic. The divorce wasn't enough. Now he I also responsible for this arrangement. How about she makes more money?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been divorced for 1 year and my son (14) said he can't do the back and forth anymore. We tried so many schedules last year and our kids spent a lot of time travelling. My ex wife couldn't afford to leave nearby. There are no room rents in our area. There are few apartments to rent and the cost is prohibitive. My ex lives at least 25 minutes away. Her work schedule makes it almost impossible sometimes for her to pick up the kids during the week for drop off/ pick up. This year the kids re going to be with me Monday to Thursday and Friday to Sunday they will be with their mom. But if their mom has plans some weekends they can stay with me this veryine makes sacrifices. way.

Why didn't you and she choose a neighborhood you could both afford together? It sounds like you actually could afford to live in the same area, but you didn't put your kids needs first and instead chose to put them in this situation.

Classic absolutely classic. The divorce wasn't enough. Now he I also responsible for this arrangement. How about she makes more money?!

Coparenting means everyone makes sacrifices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your question?

OP. My question is how do people who can't afford to live in the same school district generally managed a 50/50 schedule?

You could move to a cheaper school district where you can both afford to live. You can give your ex more in child support or alimony so that she can live closer to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been divorced for 1 year and my son (14) said he can't do the back and forth anymore. We tried so many schedules last year and our kids spent a lot of time travelling. My ex wife couldn't afford to leave nearby. There are no room rents in our area. There are few apartments to rent and the cost is prohibitive. My ex lives at least 25 minutes away. Her work schedule makes it almost impossible sometimes for her to pick up the kids during the week for drop off/ pick up. This year the kids re going to be with me Monday to Thursday and Friday to Sunday they will be with their mom. But if their mom has plans some weekends they can stay with me this way.

Why didn't you and she choose a neighborhood you could both afford together? It sounds like you actually could afford to live in the same area, but you didn't put your kids needs first and instead chose to put them in this situation.

Classic absolutely classic. The divorce wasn't enough. Now he I also responsible for this arrangement. How about she makes more money?!

A parent shouldn't be responsible for his kids' wellbeing? What a bizarre belief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your question?

OP. My question is how do people who can't afford to live in the same school district generally managed a 50/50 schedule?

You could move to a cheaper school district where you can both afford to live. You can give your ex more in child support or alimony so that she can live closer to you.

He already said their salaries are about the same, and she already agreed to no child support or alimony, so why the hell should he give her more money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been divorced for 1 year and my son (14) said he can't do the back and forth anymore. We tried so many schedules last year and our kids spent a lot of time travelling. My ex wife couldn't afford to leave nearby. There are no room rents in our area. There are few apartments to rent and the cost is prohibitive. My ex lives at least 25 minutes away. Her work schedule makes it almost impossible sometimes for her to pick up the kids during the week for drop off/ pick up. This year the kids re going to be with me Monday to Thursday and Friday to Sunday they will be with their mom. But if their mom has plans some weekends they can stay with me this way.

Why is her economic position so different from yours following the divorce? Typically, in a divorce, you split assets 50/50, and child support/alimony gets incomes closer to equal.

OP here. Our economic situation is not that much different. We did split everything 50/50. Neither of us requires alimony or child support. Our salary are not that far off. We sold the house and split the proceeds. We are both renting, but as I said earlier it's prohibitive to rent here and the supply is very limited. In fact I am spending far more of my income towards rent than her, but at least our kids remain in the same school district. Our divorce agreement does not have any clause (nor did we want it) that says we must live close to one another say within 10 mins or so.

Why not have mooed to an area where you both could afford to live.

Which would uproot the kids from their existing schools and friend networks, which would be horrible for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is your question?

OP. My question is how do people who can't afford to live in the same school district generally managed a 50/50 schedule?

You could move to a cheaper school district where you can both afford to live. You can give your ex more in child support or alimony so that she can live closer to you.

He already said their salaries are about the same, and she already agreed to no child support or alimony, so why the hell should he give her more money?

It’s a little unclear why they ended up in the situation where he is paying more rent to stay in the school district but she is not. Maybe they have different notions of financial security and he’s OK with overpaying on rent. She shouldn’t be forced to do that. But at the end of the day the kid is 14 and the current arrangement isn’t working. So seems like it would be worthwhile to figure out if she can manage to move closer for just 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been divorced for 1 year and my son (14) said he can't do the back and forth anymore. We tried so many schedules last year and our kids spent a lot of time travelling. My ex wife couldn't afford to leave nearby. There are no room rents in our area. There are few apartments to rent and the cost is prohibitive. My ex lives at least 25 minutes away. Her work schedule makes it almost impossible sometimes for her to pick up the kids during the week for drop off/ pick up. This year the kids re going to be with me Monday to Thursday and Friday to Sunday they will be with their mom. But if their mom has plans some weekends they can stay with me this veryine makes sacrifices. way.

Why didn't you and she choose a neighborhood you could both afford together? It sounds like you actually could afford to live in the same area, but you didn't put your kids needs first and instead chose to put them in this situation.

Classic absolutely classic. The divorce wasn't enough. Now he I also responsible for this arrangement. How about she makes more money?!

Coparenting means everyone makes sacrifices.

So does marriage. Maybe she shouldn’t have been a walkaway wife, choosing to optimize her own happiness at the expense of her children and husband.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. 50/50 is horrible. As a kid who did it, I can tell you, everyone thought we were ok but we hated it. Let the kids stay in one house. The other parent can do dinners, homework, games, be involved but don't make the kids move back and forth. Makes me want to cry thinking about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. 50/50 is horrible. As a kid who did it, I can tell you, everyone thought we were ok but we hated it. Let the kids stay in one house. The other parent can do dinners, homework, games, be involved but don't make the kids move back and forth. Makes me want to cry thinking about it.

Ok and I was with the sole custody parent and everyone thought I was ok but I hated it. Makes me want to cry thinking about it.

When you decide to get divorced you’ve decided to make your kids unhappy. That’s baked in the cake.

[Anonymous]

You live to far apart. You need to live within 1mile of each other

[Anonymous]

If you and ex-spouse are on decent terms, you need to do nesting. Kids stay in the main family house and to do not travel. You and spouse alternate living in the family house and a cheap nearby studio apartment (10-15 min drive max). You'll save a ton of money this way.