Parents/ILs and never ending dinner plans

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought vacations were supposed to be leisurely and relaxing not adhering to a military schedule and demanding everyone hop to it.

This is how it works. Every moment of the day must be perfectly scheduled for the DCUMom's children. Their children must be catered to instantly when they need something. If an elderly person wants to eat at a certain time, they must be shunned as unreasonable or demanding, because otherwise the children might learn that they aren't the center of the universe. We can't have that happening.

Also, adults can't anticipate children's needs so that the elders can have time to consider their choices. The elders can have 5 minutes.

Exactly. If two grown adults can't make a decision on a simple thing like dinner then yes, we're leaving without them. This does not require hours to decide. In or out. It's not that hard. My kids get the same thing. Make a decision in or out or you get to stay home-they're old enough to stay alone.

It doesn’t require hours but it also doesn’t need to be a 4 alarm fire that everything must be dropped right now because the children are suddenly hungry. It’s rather predictable that this event is going to happen hours in advance at about the same time every day.

That’s the point. OP is trying to get people to think through and plan ahead so they aren’t stuck at a restaurant with a 45 minute wait and ILs are shocked and grumbling, like mine do in a freaking beach town during high season

No, she’s not. Because the kids are hungry now. The plan should have been made hours ago. But as the kids are hungry it’s like “hey let’s go to that place we drove by yesterday” when they clearly don’t have a reservation and have no idea what the wait will be.

Nope, that’s because they’ve burned up all the built-in time by yapping and turning down every suggestion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought vacations were supposed to be leisurely and relaxing not adhering to a military schedule and demanding everyone hop to it.

This is how it works. Every moment of the day must be perfectly scheduled for the DCUMom's children. Their children must be catered to instantly when they need something. If an elderly person wants to eat at a certain time, they must be shunned as unreasonable or demanding, because otherwise the children might learn that they aren't the center of the universe. We can't have that happening.

Also, adults can't anticipate children's needs so that the elders can have time to consider their choices. The elders can have 5 minutes.

Exactly. If two grown adults can't make a decision on a simple thing like dinner then yes, we're leaving without them. This does not require hours to decide. In or out. It's not that hard. My kids get the same thing. Make a decision in or out or you get to stay home-they're old enough to stay alone.

It doesn’t require hours but it also doesn’t need to be a 4 alarm fire that everything must be dropped right now because the children are suddenly hungry. It’s rather predictable that this event is going to happen hours in advance at about the same time every day.

That’s the point. OP is trying to get people to think through and plan ahead so they aren’t stuck at a restaurant with a 45 minute wait and ILs are shocked and grumbling, like mine do in a freaking beach town during high season

No, she’s not. Because the kids are hungry now. The plan should have been made hours ago. But as the kids are hungry it’s like “hey let’s go to that place we drove by yesterday” when they clearly don’t have a reservation and have no idea what the wait will be.

Nope, that’s because they’ve burned up all the built-in time by yapping and turning down every suggestion.

That’s not how it works. Sounds like a bunch of people who aren’t planners and don’t eat out often to know how any of this works.

[Anonymous]

I carry snacks around people like this so we are never caught short with their lack of ability to plan ahead or choose foods easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made reservations at Larlo’s pizza at 7. If you would like to ride with us we’re leaving at 6:30.

This. You can't cater to people like this. With me, it's my husband. The last straw was the time we arrived in a foreign country and were trying to beat jet lag. We walked to dinner with the kids. He was dragging us all over and I was finally like, no, no more. I won't do this. I now refuse to leave the house to eat unless we have decided on a place.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone has to eat together all, the, time. Unfortunately, in my experience, grandparents often think you do and take it as a slight if you dare go to a restaurant without them because you’re all in the same place and absolutely must eat with each other every day and caravan to restaurants. Just start the practice I’d saying we’re going here, leaving in a few minutes, if you’d like to pass on it today, that’s fine, we’ll catch you for lunch tomorrow. Or be slick snd make it a date night and say you’ll leave the grandkids with them and get them all take out before you go. 😉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made reservations at Larlo’s pizza at 7. If you would like to ride with us we’re leaving at 6:30.

This. Tell them what you’re doing. They can join you or decline but they have a firm deadline to decide.

But don't restaurants get upset when you reserve for 6 and only 4 show up?

No. Why would they? They can easily rearrange the table setting if there are fewer people than expected. It’s when you add extra people to a reservation that it could pose a problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought vacations were supposed to be leisurely and relaxing not adhering to a military schedule and demanding everyone hop to it.

o
You obviously don’t have kids.

Of course I do. I have 3. But in an earlier thread when the MIL wanted to eat and the kids wanted to sleep all day everyone was like “chill! It’s vacation! Day care is hard. Don’t be so rigid.” And now it’s like “Give them exactly 5 minutes then just leave.” Typical.

This makes no sense. Children who are young enough for daycare don’t “sleep in”.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws have a very hard time making decisions these days - I definitely see them slipping in a parent child relationship with us (where we are the parents) - they ask DH for his input on everything in a way they never would have a few years ago. I have started just making the plans and telling them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has to eat together all, the, time. Unfortunately, in my experience, grandparents often think you do and take it as a slight if you dare go to a restaurant without them because you’re all in the same place and absolutely must eat with each other every day and caravan to restaurants. Just start the practice I’d saying we’re going here, leaving in a few minutes, if you’d like to pass on it today, that’s fine, we’ll catch you for lunch tomorrow. Or be slick snd make it a date night and say you’ll leave the grandkids with them and get them all take out before you go. 😉

This made my stomach clench. The idea of all meals together. And if we're caravaning to the restaurant, they insist on mixing up everyone between the two cars every time instead of everyone staying in their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not everyone has to eat together all, the, time. Unfortunately, in my experience, grandparents often think you do and take it as a slight if you dare go to a restaurant without them because you’re all in the same place and absolutely must eat with each other every day and caravan to restaurants. Just start the practice I’d saying we’re going here, leaving in a few minutes, if you’d like to pass on it today, that’s fine, we’ll catch you for lunch tomorrow. Or be slick snd make it a date night and say you’ll leave the grandkids with them and get them all take out before you go. 😉

This made my stomach clench. The idea of all meals together. And if we're caravaning to the restaurant, they insist on mixing up everyone between the two cars every time instead of everyone staying in their own.

God yes. So getting in cars becomes a prolonged negotiation and you have to move car seats because they stupidly told your toddler they can ride with them. Never again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought vacations were supposed to be leisurely and relaxing not adhering to a military schedule and demanding everyone hop to it.

o
You obviously don’t have kids.

Of course I do. I have 3. But in an earlier thread when the MIL wanted to eat and the kids wanted to sleep all day everyone was like “chill! It’s vacation! Day care is hard. Don’t be so rigid.” And now it’s like “Give them exactly 5 minutes then just leave.” Typical.

This makes no sense. Children who are young enough for daycare don’t “sleep in”.

No, the adult children wanted to sleep in, and they also wanted the grandchildren to have an age appropriate bedtime. But I suspect they're not actually sleeping just getting a break from tedious, pushy boomers. But MIL had the thread deleted so who knows.

[Anonymous]

My MIL loves to research restaurants and discuss. It’s taken some time to train her to do it earlier in the day. I do think she gets a lot of enjoyment out of it though, so as long as it does not interfere with a decent dinner time it’s fine.

[Anonymous]

If you hate your family, don't go on vacation with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I thought vacations were supposed to be leisurely and relaxing not adhering to a military schedule and demanding everyone hop to it.

o
You obviously don’t have kids.

Of course I do. I have 3. But in an earlier thread when the MIL wanted to eat and the kids wanted to sleep all day everyone was like “chill! It’s vacation! Day care is hard. Don’t be so rigid.” And now it’s like “Give them exactly 5 minutes then just leave.” Typical.

This makes no sense. Children who are young enough for daycare don’t “sleep in”.

No, the adult children wanted to sleep in, and they also wanted the grandchildren to have an age appropriate bedtime. But I suspect they're not actually sleeping just getting a break from tedious, pushy boomers. But MIL had the thread deleted so who knows.

But people who actually have kids know that the adults aren’t sleeping in when the young kids are awake, hungry, bored and ready to go. But that was a troll thread anyway because for obvious reasons it never made sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL loves to research restaurants and discuss. It’s taken some time to train her to do it earlier in the day. I do think she gets a lot of enjoyment out of it though, so as long as it does not interfere with a decent dinner time it’s fine.

This is where the planner in the group takes on the thankless task. At breakfast, when the planner is asking “what should we do for dinner tonight” everyone moans that it’s too early in the day to think about dinner. But come 4pm everyone suddenly wants to know what the plan is and it would suck to find out the good restaurants are already booked because they couldn’t possibly think ahead. Someone has to be the one to take the reins and it would be nice if the others could be decisive and work with the planner so that dinner is stress free.