Parents/ILs and never ending dinner plans

[Anonymous]

Whether it is cooking at a beach house, ordering take-out, or going to a restaurant, both my parents and my ILs pick and peck and hem and haw and make us late for every. Single. Dinner. “Hmmm, well, I don’t knowwwww” about everything, even when I suggest places they’ve liked before, or remind them of places we passed by that they said looked interesting. It’s like they have so few things in their life to “research” and make a meal of, as it were, which is fine but I have hungry kids to feed!

How do you get annoying people like this on task?

[Anonymous]

I made reservations at Larlo’s pizza at 7. If you would like to ride with us we’re leaving at 6:30.

[Anonymous]

They're probably keeping a much later schedule than you realize and can't adjust.

[Anonymous]

Split up for meals.

[Anonymous]

They are mentally starting to slip and it's making them indecisive.

Or they're just really constipated and plan everything around that.

[Anonymous]

At a point in the not too distant future, dinner will become pleasurable for you again and you may even enjoy discussing the options/what you are in the mood for.

They years of dining with little ones who don’t care what they eat and need to be fed by 6:30pm are relatively short in the big scheme.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I made reservations at Larlo’s pizza at 7. If you would like to ride with us we’re leaving at 6:30.

This. Tell them what you’re doing. They can join you or decline but they have a firm deadline to decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a point in the not too distant future, dinner will become pleasurable for you again and you may even enjoy discussing the options/what you are in the mood for.

They years of dining with little ones who don’t care what they eat and need to be fed by 6:30pm are relatively short in the big scheme.

Or not. Because by the time OP's kids grow up, the teens will prefer to hang out with their friends, and the elders will definitely be senile.
Maybe there's a small window when the kid are late elementary, early middle school, and the elders aren't far gone.

Or, you know, don't do as many dinners with parents and in-laws!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made reservations at Larlo’s pizza at 7. If you would like to ride with us we’re leaving at 6:30.

This. Tell them what you’re doing. They can join you or decline but they have a firm deadline to decide.

But don't restaurants get upset when you reserve for 6 and only 4 show up?

[Anonymous]

Ask them to pick the restaurant. Simple.

[Anonymous]

I make the decisions and tell everyone else what they're doing. If anyone complains, then I ask them to choose an alternative and just let us know what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whether it is cooking at a beach house, ordering take-out, or going to a restaurant, both my parents and my ILs pick and peck and hem and haw and make us late for every. Single. Dinner. “Hmmm, well, I don’t knowwwww” about everything, even when I suggest places they’ve liked before, or remind them of places we passed by that they said looked interesting. It’s like they have so few things in their life to “research” and make a meal of, as it were, which is fine but I have hungry kids to feed!

How do you get annoying people like this on task?

It's 100% this. They don't have much going on in their lives so "researching" whatever they're doing is entertainment to them. My IL's do the same with EVERYTHING. But we set a deadline-we're leaving at 7pm if you want to come with us. It doesn't stop the incessant research/taking about whatever we're doing but they know we're leaving at a particular time whether they're in or out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I made reservations at Larlo’s pizza at 7. If you would like to ride with us we’re leaving at 6:30.

This. Tell them what you’re doing. They can join you or decline but they have a firm deadline to decide.

But don't restaurants get upset when you reserve for 6 and only 4 show up?

How often are you going to the kind of restaurant that requires reservations with little kids? For those occasions, have the conversation in advance, maybe a few days before the thing, and make the reservation.

[Anonymous]

Give them 5 minutes to think it over. Then make your decision. If they protest, ask for alternative. Otherwise take charge and head out the door: "Mom we gotta go. Larlo and Larla are hungry. You can come with us or eat where you prefer."

[Anonymous]

I thought vacations were supposed to be leisurely and relaxing not adhering to a military schedule and demanding everyone hop to it.