How would you handle this situation regarding helping out an AC with money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents need to have a discussion with her about making it on her own and the importance of budgeting and living within or below her means to build up savings. Parents are there to provide a safety net, not provide a hammock. Our three ACs never got financial support from us once they were on their own and they made their own way and did fine.

I like that and agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the insights. I'm not posing this question here to figure out a solution for my sister and parents, but rather, see how others would approach it. I have a young child, and DH and I have talked a little bit about how we want to be a safety net for our daughter as she gets older, but also want her to be independent. Given that this situation with my sister is happening now, it's made me reflect on how to create that balance in the future.

We will be a safety net for our kids--they are college and recently launched. However, that means having a full time job and living within your means. We help so they can save more for retirement and have a "nicer car", but wouldn't help if they were not financially stable.

In this case, your sister has no business having an animal. That restricts where you can live and costs money. She can work 2-3 months in the summer or get a weekend job during the school year. Heck, tutoring in most nicer areas like you describe will get her $50+/hr. Do that in evenings or weekends (10-12 hours per week) and she will be fine. Also if doing that, that is 10-12 less hours to party away and waste money. There are ways to figure it out. She is not "struggling" to survive. She just wants to live a better life than her job will allow. I would not finance that.

That is precisely what you are doing. Give me a break. You are exactly the same as OP's parents.

[Anonymous]

She should just get another roommate. That’s what I’d tell her if she was my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should not be discussing this with your parents.

+ 1.

This will ruin your relationship with your sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I like the fact that she’s a teacher and has a dog. I’d be inclined to help her. teaching is a struggle career that your parents failed to warn her about. Also she needs to live where single men live she’s 33. All reasons to help. She moves to Rockville she’s going to be dating married men (hopefully not)

Stop posting, you said that already. And it's BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best approach would be to help her with down payment to buy a small condo she can afford and then let her handle it.

This is probably what we would do.

I hate to tell you but this is an outdated idea and here is why:

the less expensive the sale price of the condo, the higher the monthly maintenance fee

The result:
Buy a small less expensive condo under $200K will cost more than renting the same unit OR will cost roughly the same as buying a larger unit, with higher sale price , but less maintenance fee

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I highly encourage you to read The Millionaire Next Door if you're thinking ahead about your own child. The book addresses how parents supplementing adult children's incomes can lead to much more problems for the AC down the road, as 9:36 mentioned re safety nets.

It's a great book - I'm not recommending it to you for the money tips, but for the part about what you teach your children, both in childhood and in adulthood.

https://www.amazon.com/Millionaire-Next-Door-Surprising-Americas/dp/1589795474

Plenty of kids do just fine at excelling while knowing they have a safety net. It's all in how you raise them.

This^

[Anonymous]

Could also do something like: When you save $X for a down payment, we will match it. Still puts the initial burden on the child, but still helps them out tremendously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best approach would be to help her with down payment to buy a small condo she can afford and then let her handle it.

This is probably what we would do.

I hate to tell you but this is an outdated idea and here is why:

the less expensive the sale price of the condo, the higher the monthly maintenance fee

The result:
Buy a small less expensive condo under $200K will cost more than renting the same unit OR will cost roughly the same as buying a larger unit, with higher sale price , but less maintenance fee

Not mutually exclusive. You can buy small condo with low maintenance and large place with high maintenance cost.

[Anonymous]

I would not subsidize a luxury living arrangement, or the decision to have an animal.

She has many choices she could make to lower her financial liabilities before she'd need to ask me. But they should be having clear conversations with her.

I'd be happy to be generous with something like, paying for plane tickets to come visit me or taking her on a vacation with me. But by 33 I would not be helping with living expenses unless it was temporary.

[Anonymous]

I really like the idea of helping her with a down payment on a condo rather than subsidizing rent. Teacher salaries are not known for being highly paid. This is what DH and I would do. She is in a job that is such a positive for our community.

OP - what did your parents do for your and your sister’s college (and other siblings) Did any of you have to take out loans for any of it? How many siblings are there? Have any of them married? Was there any help in paying for that? Are there any grandchildren? Have your parents set up any funds for them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your parents need to have a discussion with her about making it on her own and the importance of budgeting and living within or below her means to build up savings. Parents are there to provide a safety net, not provide a hammock. Our three ACs never got financial support from us once they were on their own and they made their own way and did fine.

Ha! I love this.

[Anonymous]

Meh. I would buy my kid a house if they decided to go into a helping profession that doesn't pay much. My SIL is a teacher and makes so much less than me and DH in govt and defense. We have been trying to convince his parents who have enough $ and full pensions to just buy her a house/bigger condo as she is stuck in a small 2 bedroom with 2 kids and a partner (who is great but also not making that much).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for the insights. I'm not posing this question here to figure out a solution for my sister and parents, but rather, see how others would approach it. I have a young child, and DH and I have talked a little bit about how we want to be a safety net for our daughter as she gets older, but also want her to be independent. Given that this situation with my sister is happening now, it's made me reflect on how to create that balance in the future.

We will be a safety net for our kids--they are college and recently launched. However, that means having a full time job and living within your means. We help so they can save more for retirement and have a "nicer car", but wouldn't help if they were not financially stable.

In this case, your sister has no business having an animal. That restricts where you can live and costs money. She can work 2-3 months in the summer or get a weekend job during the school year. Heck, tutoring in most nicer areas like you describe will get her $50+/hr. Do that in evenings or weekends (10-12 hours per week) and she will be fine. Also if doing that, that is 10-12 less hours to party away and waste money. There are ways to figure it out. She is not "struggling" to survive. She just wants to live a better life than her job will allow. I would not finance that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Meh. I would buy my kid a house if they decided to go into a helping profession that doesn't pay much. My SIL is a teacher and makes so much less than me and DH in govt and defense. We have been trying to convince his parents who have enough $ and full pensions to just buy her a house/bigger condo as she is stuck in a small 2 bedroom with 2 kids and a partner (who is great but also not making that much).

+1 ditto. But I would also give that same amount to my other kid(s).