If someone helped your child make a mother's day present for someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels off the charts overly sensitive, OP. Do you feel your child can only love you, not aunts or grandmothers? Because that to me is at the heart of your anger at the care person. You don't want your child to show love for any other female relative.

OP here,

I'm the aunt who got the extra, not the mom who is upset. Trying to figure out if other people would agree with my sister.

I'm this PP. Was it your sister's DH that did it? Or was it a caretaker/teacher/aide who did it. That could make a difference.

Whatever the case, your sister shouldn't be mad at you. And if it's a care person and not her DH, then she is insecure if she is upset. My guess is that given she's your sister you know the answer. Rightfully upset or insecure.

Neither, it was our brother who did it. Sister is separated and has a toddler. Brother and his wife also have a toddler, so he took both kids and made art projects for the kids' moms and grandmas, and then made an extra one for me, and one for an elderly great-aunt in memory care. He said figuring out how to get it right was hard, but once he did replicating it was easy so he just kept going. My SIL (Brother's wife) was not hurt, just my sister.

I took her older kid and helped her make a gift, The but we just did her mom and grandma.

If I have it all straight I think it's that your sister is hurting because she doesn't have a husband to help her kids make her gift and her brother taking on that role already stings, and then for him to give that same gift to all the aunts makes it even less special and personal. It's not rational or reasonable at all but I kind of get it. Nobody did anything wrong. Hopefully next year her kid is big enough to draw a card themselves so it's something unique.

Oh yeah, I’m sure next year this toddler + 12 months is going to be planning an amazing Mother’s Day for mom.

You don't think a three year old can scribble out a card with crayons?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Personally I think it's weird to insist that all women in the family get something for Mother's Day, even if they're not mothers. I also think it's weird that the husband of one of my child-free friends goes all out with gifts to his wife from their "dog-baby" on Mother's Day. Some women are moms, some aren't - and that's just fine. We don't feel the need to send flowers to every random adult man on Father's Day, do we? So I'd probably roll my eyes a bit over a well-meaning relative who replicated mother's day presents for all the women in the family. But I wouldn't be hurt or offended.

Fwiw we rarely do anything in my house for mother's day, so it's not like I think it should be a big deal for anyone other than those who might need it (my husband for the first time ever sent flowers to his own mother, who may not live to see another Mother's Day, and I thought that was right. I got nothing but texts from my college kid, and I also am just fine with that.)

I have kids but I LOVE the idea that some childless couple celebrates being a "dog mom". I can't imagine what the gifts are like but it's just so sweet and I'm happy to know someone is going all out for this. I don't feel the need to gatekeep this holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is a saint.

This was my takeaway as well.

OP, I get that your sister is going through a rough time, but no one did anything wrong so I hope it blows over for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This feels off the charts overly sensitive, OP. Do you feel your child can only love you, not aunts or grandmothers? Because that to me is at the heart of your anger at the care person. You don't want your child to show love for any other female relative.

OP here,

I'm the aunt who got the extra, not the mom who is upset. Trying to figure out if other people would agree with my sister.

I'm this PP. Was it your sister's DH that did it? Or was it a caretaker/teacher/aide who did it. That could make a difference.

Whatever the case, your sister shouldn't be mad at you. And if it's a care person and not her DH, then she is insecure if she is upset. My guess is that given she's your sister you know the answer. Rightfully upset or insecure.

Neither, it was our brother who did it. Sister is separated and has a toddler. Brother and his wife also have a toddler, so he took both kids and made art projects for the kids' moms and grandmas, and then made an extra one for me, and one for an elderly great-aunt in memory care. He said figuring out how to get it right was hard, but once he did replicating it was easy so he just kept going. My SIL (Brother's wife) was not hurt, just my sister.

I took her older kid and helped her make a gift, The but we just did her mom and grandma.

If I have it all straight I think it's that your sister is hurting because she doesn't have a husband to help her kids make her gift and her brother taking on that role already stings, and then for him to give that same gift to all the aunts makes it even less special and personal. It's not rational or reasonable at all but I kind of get it. Nobody did anything wrong. Hopefully next year her kid is big enough to draw a card themselves so it's something unique.

Totally agree, it’s a misplaced kind of upset. Your brother is a doll.

[Anonymous]

Why do you hate love, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you hate love, OP?

How do you come to that conclusion?

[Anonymous]

You sister is being ridiculous presumably because she is hurting. But the fact that she cannot realize she is being ridiculous and therefore, keep this information to herself makes the whole thing even more wackadoodle. We all have unreasonable reactions sometimes. Most of us can assess and be like “you know I’m probably overly sensitive right now because of X so I’m just going to sit with this”. Or we would vent to a best friend that had nothing to do with the situation. It seems like your sister is in such a bad place she is venting to the wrong people.

[Anonymous]

It waters down the occasion - it’s meaningless if every aunt gets included. What are we telling the child? Your aunt is just as much a mother as your mother?

The mom is going through a rough time. Only a guy can think this is a good idea to taker her child and make auntie also a Mother’s Day card. Fool

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is a saint.

Right?! He took 2 toddlers, 1 who isn’t even his kid, and had them make cute little hand print crafts for the women of the family. Sounds like a great guy.

I agree with a PP that sister is dealing with some baggage from being a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is a saint.

Right?! He took 2 toddlers, 1 who isn’t even his kid, and had them make cute little hand print crafts for the women of the family. Sounds like a great guy.

I agree with a PP that sister is dealing with some baggage from being a single mom.

No he isn’t. It’s not international women’s day - it’s Mother’s Day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It waters down the occasion - it’s meaningless if every aunt gets included. What are we telling the child? Your aunt is just as much a mother as your mother?

The mom is going through a rough time. Only a guy can think this is a good idea to taker her child and make auntie also a Mother’s Day card. Fool

Ehhh. I think it’s sweet that OP cares enough about her niece or nephew that it was presumed she’d want their handprint. Only a certain level of family cares enough to be gifted that.

I’m an only child and my DH has a mentally ill sister who is estranged and has no relationship with our kids. I would love if they had an Aunt in their life close enough to receive their handprints. Maybe get a little perspective on what is more important than getting some sort of made up recognition on a made up holiday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It waters down the occasion - it’s meaningless if every aunt gets included. What are we telling the child? Your aunt is just as much a mother as your mother?

The mom is going through a rough time. Only a guy can think this is a good idea to taker her child and make auntie also a Mother’s Day card. Fool

Ehhh. I think it’s sweet that OP cares enough about her niece or nephew that it was presumed she’d want their handprint. Only a certain level of family cares enough to be gifted that.

I’m an only child and my DH has a mentally ill sister who is estranged and has no relationship with our kids. I would love if they had an Aunt in their life close enough to receive their handprints. Maybe get a little perspective on what is more important than getting some sort of made up recognition on a made up holiday.

Gift it on any day you want but why on Mother’s Day?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your brother is a saint.

Right?! He took 2 toddlers, 1 who isn’t even his kid, and had them make cute little hand print crafts for the women of the family. Sounds like a great guy.

I agree with a PP that sister is dealing with some baggage from being a single mom.

No he isn’t. It’s not international women’s day - it’s Mother’s Day.

Well the handprints were a gift to the sister for Mother’s Day. And in the spirit of efficiency extra hand prints were made for other relatives who love the child (I’m assuming if they were gifted the hand prints any other time of year it would be NBD). It would be stupid to have to make handprints for mom of X day and then go back and make handprints for the other relatives on Y day. We all know how messy these toddler crafts can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It waters down the occasion - it’s meaningless if every aunt gets included. What are we telling the child? Your aunt is just as much a mother as your mother?

The mom is going through a rough time. Only a guy can think this is a good idea to taker her child and make auntie also a Mother’s Day card. Fool

Ehhh. I think it’s sweet that OP cares enough about her niece or nephew that it was presumed she’d want their handprint. Only a certain level of family cares enough to be gifted that.

I’m an only child and my DH has a mentally ill sister who is estranged and has no relationship with our kids. I would love if they had an Aunt in their life close enough to receive their handprints. Maybe get a little perspective on what is more important than getting some sort of made up recognition on a made up holiday.

Gift it on any day you want but why on Mother’s Day?

Because no one is making toddler handprints on different occasions because of something this petty. I guess brother could have held on them and gifted them a different day (for all we know he gave it to them days later) or maybe they got together at a big family event that day so it made sense to give it to them together.

Acting like this is a sure way to have brother not want to do nice things with the kid going forward. Everyone is going to be walking on egg shells around sister.

[Anonymous]

I hope your sister is expressing her feelings only to you and not to your brother. That was so nice of him to do that. My brother is great with MD (hosts dinner for my mom and I) and I really appreciate that. But this was really sweet.