S/O: how to parent in a low expectations, type B area?

[Anonymous]

I grew up in an area like you described. Really bad public schools. Neither of my parents went to college (though they had a successful business). My friends had small goals. I did a competitive sport about 30 minutes away where my peer group was all from Type A families. My parents learned from their parents about tutoring and a good, gifted summer program at a local college, etc. (I wasn't gifted, but I have always had a strong work ethic and drive). I did well in my sport and attended a good college. My younger siblings followed a similar trajectory. I know there was more to it, but I attribute much of my trajectory to participating in a competitive sport.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So important to have an ambitious peer group. That is the reason we ended up moving to an expensive zip code. Unfortunately, institutional racism and historic inequity notwithstanding, income and ambition are closely correlated.

This- but it doesn’t necessarily have to come from school. It can be through a sport, hobby, summer camp. Any kid can thrive in a mediocre or poor public school if their parents supplement at home and provide an enriching educational environment outside of home. In fact, I find the areas with bad public schools often have the best enrichment opportunities- and they are underutilized and there for you, if you want them. If you child is bright and high achieving, they with stand out in a sea of apathetic kids, and thus even more opportunity will be thrown their way

[Anonymous]

Interlochen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a similar area -- the answer is private school here. Luckily it is $10-15k a year for very strong privates, instead of $50k.

The local publics are in a race to the bottom performance-wise. Surround yourself with others who have similar values to yours. We are out there.

Do you think it’s sustainable to remain at a “top public” and supplement? I am hoping differentiation will help, but that doesn’t start until late elementary. Private here is more like $30-50k, and I’m not sure the emphasis is on academics there, judging by the websites.

Here it isn't. Our publics are highly rated, but that doesn't mean anything any more.

Our children go to a very rigorous classical school established by university professors. The academics are top notch but it's Catholic, so not everyone's cup of tea. There are no screens at all, they study Latin, and all the children are taught music by a Ph.D. in music ed.

One of my children struggles with math, so he has a tutor as well.

As a family, we prioritize education. Read the article in the Chronicle of Higher Ed..."Is This The End of Reading?" The public school education world is not what I want for my children.

LOl no you do not. "we prioritize education"

The public school system certainly does not prioritize education. Enjoy having a child raised by a Chromebook instead of a highly educated human teacher.

[Anonymous]

I hope you’re not for real. My kids were skip counting in 1st grade and shockingly made it through AP Calc. They attend UMD (gasp!) but they also were high stats. We know tons of kids with super high stats coming from magnets who also attend UMD. Coming from a strong MCPS school, many high stats kids won’t even get in. UMD is not a low bar. The only people who say that are those who haven’t been through the application process with kids in recent years. And what elementary parents use the term regional colleges/universities. Moving right along…there’s nothing wrong with not learning to read music until 4th grade. I’d guess that’s actually pretty common among Americans. My nephew who graduated from an Ivy certainly wasn’t hindered by it. Maybe these type B parents are on to something. Parents need to set some rules and boundaries but the best parents allow kids to develop on their own timetable, follow their natural curiosities and build a love of learning without pushing.

[Anonymous]

I’m an outlier.

We are in a middling school district in flyover country and my kids are having a relatively low-key childhood—and I think it’s good for them. Extracurriculars and enrichment opportunities are low-cost and undersubscribed. In a small district, there are no cuts from school sports/music/art/theater programs because they need as many bodies as they can get. And then you can supplement with travel/AAU/private lessons if you choose.

It is…provincial. And I know the education does not prepare for the rigors of college. AP is offered but the quality of the teaching/ preparation is inadequate. As are handed out, but the teaching (and overall curriculum) is weak, As don’t translate to 4s and 5s. We supplement whether by college student tutors, Khan Academy, experiences, and discussions, etc. It’s critical my kids have perspective and be prepared.

The upsides: free time. My teen is not depressed and over-stressed—she’s living her best life balancing school with extracurriculars, volunteering, and wandering around our small town with friends. Less competition: my kids make it to ensembles, sectionals, internships, etc.

These kids have confidence in trying new things and believe in themselves, they’re well adjusted. I’ll take it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you send them to elite summer camps in other areas. You visit family if those family are more academic. You travel. You travel internationally. They aim for top awards. They do Governor's School if your state has it. You probably need to zero-in on private schools for college, that's has geographic diversity. Your in-state might be more of the same. I think public universities are great. That's where our family went but we were going out-of-state expanding our horizons. Certainly more than regional universities would offer.

Please give examples of elite summer camps. Most are just cash grabs.

DP. Wouldn’t call it elite, but CTY thankfully has standards of admission.

Also, OP, not sure why you’re so bothered by what peers are doing. We’re in a similar area as you and we just do what we do without concern how others are performing or doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The first step is to recognize that you don’t actually value education and achievement above all… you value parental bragging rights. That is why you are so concerned about these things when your child is only seven years old. You aren’t bothered by the alleged mediocrity you see around you. You are bothered because you are surrounded by people who are unimpressed that Larla takes violin AND piano and will therefore not give the “world’s bestest mother” validation you clearly crave.

That said, the only solution is to move. The chill people in your town are unlikely to change and will continue to be deeply unimpressed by your striving.

This is it. Unfortunately, OP will be just as unfulfilled in a tiger parent environment where nothing is ever good enough to impress other parents because some other tiger parent is doing it better than you. Such an exhausting way of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first step is to recognize that you don’t actually value education and achievement above all… you value parental bragging rights. That is why you are so concerned about these things when your child is only seven years old. You aren’t bothered by the alleged mediocrity you see around you. You are bothered because you are surrounded by people who are unimpressed that Larla takes violin AND piano and will therefore not give the “world’s bestest mother” validation you clearly crave.

That said, the only solution is to move. The chill people in your town are unlikely to change and will continue to be deeply unimpressed by your striving.

This is it. Unfortunately, OP will be just as unfulfilled in a tiger parent environment where nothing is ever good enough to impress other parents because some other tiger parent is doing it better than you. Such an exhausting way of life.

What a weird claim. That is not what I took from this at all. Do you think the mothers of Bethesda (and other type A parents in competitive schools) would be impressed that OP does math supplements?

Living in an area like (well, probably worse) than what OP describes, I completely understand her question.

[Anonymous]

Put your child in tennis and stick with it. You will inevitably meet other parents and kids that value education. There seems to be a lot of cross over, proportional more than other popular child activities (competitive dance, cheer, football, baseball…)

[Anonymous]

The behavioral genetic evidence suggests that outcomes such as IQ and academic achievement and behavior are largely genetically driven. There isn’t much evidence for peer effects. So you can relax if you want t to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So important to have an ambitious peer group. That is the reason we ended up moving to an expensive zip code. Unfortunately, institutional racism and historic inequity notwithstanding, income and ambition are closely correlated.

I posted on the other thread and wrote this and was basically told I was bragging. We moved from a low SES neighborhood to a high SES neighborhood. The kids and families are night and day. In the old neighborhood, many kids don’t even go to college or may end up at community college. In our new school, my kids are surrounded by kids whose parents are very well educated. The parents attended top universities and grad schools. We are in touch with a few people from our old school and they may visit George Mason and Virginia tech. In my son’s friend group, many parents attended Ivy or other similar top colleges, are physicians, lawyers, executives, etc. in the old neighborhood, Penn state may be the goal. UPenn would be a top choice at our school. Many people in the old neighborhood probably would not know the difference between Penn State and UPenn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hope you’re not for real. My kids were skip counting in 1st grade and shockingly made it through AP Calc. They attend UMD (gasp!) but they also were high stats. We know tons of kids with super high stats coming from magnets who also attend UMD. Coming from a strong MCPS school, many high stats kids won’t even get in. UMD is not a low bar. The only people who say that are those who haven’t been through the application process with kids in recent years. And what elementary parents use the term regional colleges/universities. Moving right along…there’s nothing wrong with not learning to read music until 4th grade. I’d guess that’s actually pretty common among Americans. My nephew who graduated from an Ivy certainly wasn’t hindered by it. Maybe these type B parents are on to something. Parents need to set some rules and boundaries but the best parents allow kids to develop on their own timetable, follow their natural curiosities and build a love of learning without pushing.

I’m sure your kid will turn out fine. That doesn’t mean everyone else who lives in a not so great neighborhood will turn out fine.

I have some friends from PG county. The ones I knew turned out well somehow ending up at ok universities. My friend went to naval academy. Many of his friends did not do well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you’re not for real. My kids were skip counting in 1st grade and shockingly made it through AP Calc. They attend UMD (gasp!) but they also were high stats. We know tons of kids with super high stats coming from magnets who also attend UMD. Coming from a strong MCPS school, many high stats kids won’t even get in. UMD is not a low bar. The only people who say that are those who haven’t been through the application process with kids in recent years. And what elementary parents use the term regional colleges/universities. Moving right along…there’s nothing wrong with not learning to read music until 4th grade. I’d guess that’s actually pretty common among Americans. My nephew who graduated from an Ivy certainly wasn’t hindered by it. Maybe these type B parents are on to something. Parents need to set some rules and boundaries but the best parents allow kids to develop on their own timetable, follow their natural curiosities and build a love of learning without pushing.

I’m sure your kid will turn out fine. That doesn’t mean everyone else who lives in a not so great neighborhood will turn out fine.

I have some friends from PG county. The ones I knew turned out well somehow ending up at ok universities. My friend went to naval academy. Many of his friends did not do well.

Lived in PG county for several years as a kid. How kids who started out life similar in abilities did depended on 1) family support (obviously), but also 2) whether they moved to a different area or not. Peer effect really did matter for some people and kids from less supportive families who moved to more competitive school districts did as well as kids from very supportive families who didn't.

[Anonymous]

My kids don't take music lessons other than what is offered at their private school and don't do supplemental math outside of what is provided at school.

I'm a Type A personality and went to a T25 undergrad and have to graduate degrees (as does my husband) so we're not slouches, but I also don't think the standard you have set is a "normal" one. With that, I think you're going to struggle anywhere except one in which all the kids do what your kid does.