S/O: how to parent in a low expectations, type B area?

[Anonymous]

Really stupid this Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof. I don't know. My husband and I have Ivy League PhDs and our kids don't take music lessons before 4th grade because they're not interested (we've offered but don't force). They also don't take supplemental math, we try to teach them math and science they think is cool so they will have interest and motivation, but we're not focused in getting them multiple grade levels ahead so they can just be bored in school. They have limited ascreen time and spend a lot of time just free playing, reading, and building Legos.

I think your choices are to do your own thing and not care that everyone isn't like you; do your own thing and continue to judge others heavily; or move to a more Type A area. Take your pick!

Really the problem as kids get older is you are who you hang out with. If you hang out with junk food eating slackers, your kid will eat junk food and fight achievement.

We are in this situation and I agree with the advice above. DD's main social group is kids in her activity and they are a much more motivated group of kids with involved parents. She's spending increasingly more time with them. I mourn that she doesn't have the school community that I had growing up, but she still has school friends. I just don't want them to be her entire social circle.

[Anonymous]

I think that if the Catholic or classical schools in your area are superior to public, then you should consider whether religion or mediocrity are worse. I don’t know the situation where you are, but to throw out good options because of religion may be throwing out the opportunity to surround your child with high expectations.

[Anonymous]

So important to have an ambitious peer group. That is the reason we ended up moving to an expensive zip code. Unfortunately, institutional racism and historic inequity notwithstanding, income and ambition are closely correlated.

[Anonymous]

Seriously? You move, you travel and visit people you know with cool lives and cool jobs, or you raise your kids to be materialistic but also self sufficient.

Why move? I grew up in a small town where the “richest” person I knew was the local dentist or local attorney. I went to the best school I could imagine - it never occurred to me to apply to the Ivys or top 25. I aspired to be an engineer because adults told me it was a well paying profession. I didn’t know any better and I interviewed for chemical plant jobs. My spouse grew up in a place similar to McLean or Bethesda, went to an Ivy and grad school for the same major as me. He understood what jobs and income he could aspire to. I didn’t know any adults working as engineers or in consulting. Less than half of the adults in my life had a college degree and most of those that did went to the middling state school in my hometown.

If you don’t move, you need to give your kids a reason to want to leave your town behind. They need to have big dreams and big aspirations so they will want to go to a top school. Most of my friends went to the hometown state school - even bright kids who could have gone many other places. I didn’t have any specific ambitions or passions, but U knew I wanted to make a lot of money. Perhaps that goal was immature and shallow, but it fueled me to get good grades in HS and get a scholarship to a school my family otherwise could not afford. I knew from a young age I wanted more than what my small town had to offer and I knew if I wanted out I had to make it happen myself.

[Anonymous]

OP, you are getting all your information from one public school, a handful of overheard conversation snippets, and rec sports practice observations. It seems like a good sample to you, but it's not.

I think you would be surprised at how many families do more of that tiger parenting kind of enrichment under the radar without announcing it to every Asian they see.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:all the children are taught music by a Ph.D. in music ed.

We get this at our MCPS ES. IJS

[Anonymous]

Is this post satire? Like 4th grade is so late to learn to read music, and all the 6 year olds aren’t doing long division, so it’s clearly a lame, low-achieving place? Get real. I have a PhD, and I still can’t play an instrument or read music.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this post satire? Like 4th grade is so late to learn to read music, and all the 6 year olds aren’t doing long division, so it’s clearly a lame, low-achieving place? Get real. I have a PhD, and I still can’t play an instrument or read music.

I think it must be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a similar area -- the answer is private school here. Luckily it is $10-15k a year for very strong privates, instead of $50k.

The local publics are in a race to the bottom performance-wise. Surround yourself with others who have similar values to yours. We are out there.

Do you think it’s sustainable to remain at a “top public” and supplement? I am hoping differentiation will help, but that doesn’t start until late elementary. Private here is more like $30-50k, and I’m not sure the emphasis is on academics there, judging by the websites.

Here it isn't. Our publics are highly rated, but that doesn't mean anything any more.

Our children go to a very rigorous classical school established by university professors. The academics are top notch but it's Catholic, so not everyone's cup of tea. There are no screens at all, they study Latin, and all the children are taught music by a Ph.D. in music ed.

One of my children struggles with math, so he has a tutor as well.

As a family, we prioritize education. Read the article in the Chronicle of Higher Ed..."Is This The End of Reading?" The public school education world is not what I want for my children.

LOl no you do not. "we prioritize education"

[Anonymous]

Well, the reality is your kid is more likely to go Ivy if they are in a high school where they are the only applicant, the valedictorian, etc. That is actually better than being at a school where 50 kids apply to Harvard. You can set the expectations for your kid. And you can show them the world in a way that makes them see just how many opportunities are out there.

Success is usually based on a kid’s socioeconomic level and the level of education the mom has.

[Anonymous]

Op, you send them to elite summer camps in other areas. You visit family if those family are more academic. You travel. You travel internationally. They aim for top awards. They do Governor's School if your state has it. You probably need to zero-in on private schools for college, that's has geographic diversity. Your in-state might be more of the same. I think public universities are great. That's where our family went but we were going out-of-state expanding our horizons. Certainly more than regional universities would offer.

[Anonymous]

The first step is to recognize that you don’t actually value education and achievement above all… you value parental bragging rights. That is why you are so concerned about these things when your child is only seven years old. You aren’t bothered by the alleged mediocrity you see around you. You are bothered because you are surrounded by people who are unimpressed that Larla takes violin AND piano and will therefore not give the “world’s bestest mother” validation you clearly crave.

That said, the only solution is to move. The chill people in your town are unlikely to change and will continue to be deeply unimpressed by your striving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, you send them to elite summer camps in other areas. You visit family if those family are more academic. You travel. You travel internationally. They aim for top awards. They do Governor's School if your state has it. You probably need to zero-in on private schools for college, that's has geographic diversity. Your in-state might be more of the same. I think public universities are great. That's where our family went but we were going out-of-state expanding our horizons. Certainly more than regional universities would offer.

Please give examples of elite summer camps. Most are just cash grabs.

[Anonymous]

Elite summer camps. Give me a break