S/O: how to parent in a low expectations, type B area?

[Anonymous]

I am not a tiger mom necessarily. Hopefully not creating anxiety filled pressure cooker but yes, I believe in pushing kids to help achieve their potential. I’m living in a low pressure “meh whatever kids, play some video games and eat some candy” area where people don’t show up to half the things they sign up for, let alone practice on their own. Kids don’t play instruments or even learn to read music until band starts in 4th or 5th grade. In first grade they are still working on skip counting by 5s and 10s and adding sums within 20, and kids are struggling with it.

At a recent activity, I heard a cluster of moms loudly deriding college admissions (“What the point? Larlo can just go to x regional low tier state. It’s the same as if he goes to U Maryland! It’s not like he will get a better job so who cares?). Meanwhile I’m sitting there wondering why she thinks the highest bar is UMD. By the way, I’m not in Maryland, just an example.

I’m sure I’ll get trolled, but I am actually troubled by the lack of standards all around. This is a supposed to be a top district in my state. DD is 7 and is the only kid in her class who can tell time, takes music lessons, and is one of 2 kids who does supplemental math. How do I keep this up when all around us kids are just playing on iPads, eating junk. and not showing up for sports practice? Go ahead, troll me.

[Anonymous]

Are you friends with any parents? Do they seem happy? Are their kids happy?

[Anonymous]

In a similar area -- the answer is private school here. Luckily it is $10-15k a year for very strong privates, instead of $50k.

The local publics are in a race to the bottom performance-wise. Surround yourself with others who have similar values to yours. We are out there.

[Anonymous]

Oof. I don't know. My husband and I have Ivy League PhDs and our kids don't take music lessons before 4th grade because they're not interested (we've offered but don't force). They also don't take supplemental math, we try to teach them math and science they think is cool so they will have interest and motivation, but we're not focused in getting them multiple grade levels ahead so they can just be bored in school. They have limited ascreen time and spend a lot of time just free playing, reading, and building Legos.

I think your choices are to do your own thing and not care that everyone isn't like you; do your own thing and continue to judge others heavily; or move to a more Type A area. Take your pick!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In a similar area -- the answer is private school here. Luckily it is $10-15k a year for very strong privates, instead of $50k.

The local publics are in a race to the bottom performance-wise. Surround yourself with others who have similar values to yours. We are out there.

Do you think it’s sustainable to remain at a “top public” and supplement? I am hoping differentiation will help, but that doesn’t start until late elementary. Private here is more like $30-50k, and I’m not sure the emphasis is on academics there, judging by the websites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oof. I don't know. My husband and I have Ivy League PhDs and our kids don't take music lessons before 4th grade because they're not interested (we've offered but don't force). They also don't take supplemental math, we try to teach them math and science they think is cool so they will have interest and motivation, but we're not focused in getting them multiple grade levels ahead so they can just be bored in school. They have limited ascreen time and spend a lot of time just free playing, reading, and building Legos.

I think your choices are to do your own thing and not care that everyone isn't like you; do your own thing and continue to judge others heavily; or move to a more Type A area. Take your pick!

Really the problem as kids get older is you are who you hang out with. If you hang out with junk food eating slackers, your kid will eat junk food and fight achievement.

[Anonymous]

Find a different group of people to hang out with and don't worry about the rest. If your public school is too lame, send your kids to private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof. I don't know. My husband and I have Ivy League PhDs and our kids don't take music lessons before 4th grade because they're not interested (we've offered but don't force). They also don't take supplemental math, we try to teach them math and science they think is cool so they will have interest and motivation, but we're not focused in getting them multiple grade levels ahead so they can just be bored in school. They have limited ascreen time and spend a lot of time just free playing, reading, and building Legos.

I think your choices are to do your own thing and not care that everyone isn't like you; do your own thing and continue to judge others heavily; or move to a more Type A area. Take your pick!

Really the problem as kids get older is you are who you hang out with. If you hang out with junk food eating slackers, your kid will eat junk food and fight achievement.

I'm not sure about that. I went to a pretty average public school myself and didn't (was valedictorian). There are high achieving cohorts everywhere, and opportunities to connect through shared interests. There's also a huge difference between friends who are average in school and slackers who are going to influence your kid to skip, do drugs, etc.

I'm not sure what eating junk food has to do with achievement in school, but good luck keeping your kids from ever being exposed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a similar area -- the answer is private school here. Luckily it is $10-15k a year for very strong privates, instead of $50k.

The local publics are in a race to the bottom performance-wise. Surround yourself with others who have similar values to yours. We are out there.

Do you think it’s sustainable to remain at a “top public” and supplement? I am hoping differentiation will help, but that doesn’t start until late elementary. Private here is more like $30-50k, and I’m not sure the emphasis is on academics there, judging by the websites.

Here it isn't. Our publics are highly rated, but that doesn't mean anything any more.

Our children go to a very rigorous classical school established by university professors. The academics are top notch but it's Catholic, so not everyone's cup of tea. There are no screens at all, they study Latin, and all the children are taught music by a Ph.D. in music ed.

One of my children struggles with math, so he has a tutor as well.

As a family, we prioritize education. Read the article in the Chronicle of Higher Ed..."Is This The End of Reading?" The public school education world is not what I want for my children.

[Anonymous]

Agree with above! Find new friends. I lived in the Midwest and dated someone whose entire family didn't believe or go to college (or has ever been on the airplane or left the state). You need to decide if you want to raise a citizen of the world or of your small "village". I chose the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof. I don't know. My husband and I have Ivy League PhDs and our kids don't take music lessons before 4th grade because they're not interested (we've offered but don't force). They also don't take supplemental math, we try to teach them math and science they think is cool so they will have interest and motivation, but we're not focused in getting them multiple grade levels ahead so they can just be bored in school. They have limited ascreen time and spend a lot of time just free playing, reading, and building Legos.

I think your choices are to do your own thing and not care that everyone isn't like you; do your own thing and continue to judge others heavily; or move to a more Type A area. Take your pick!

Really the problem as kids get older is you are who you hang out with. If you hang out with junk food eating slackers, your kid will eat junk food and fight achievement.

I'm not sure about that. I went to a pretty average public school myself and didn't (was valedictorian). There are high achieving cohorts everywhere, and opportunities to connect through shared interests. There's also a huge difference between friends who are average in school and slackers who are going to influence your kid to skip, do drugs, etc.

I'm not sure what eating junk food has to do with achievement in school, but good luck keeping your kids from ever being exposed it.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing. We had junk food growing up (immigrant parents) but it was more like let’s buy this bag of chips or tub of ice cream and then when it’s gone, we wait until the next treat. Or we would split a soda, but only on pizza night or when eating greasy food like burgers. It was not daily junk and candy. I can’t believe people still stock soda and lemonade and drink it daily at home. Why are 8 year olds drinking soda at 9am? Why are 8 year olds drinking soda regularly anyway?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In a similar area -- the answer is private school here. Luckily it is $10-15k a year for very strong privates, instead of $50k.

The local publics are in a race to the bottom performance-wise. Surround yourself with others who have similar values to yours. We are out there.

Do you think it’s sustainable to remain at a “top public” and supplement? I am hoping differentiation will help, but that doesn’t start until late elementary. Private here is more like $30-50k, and I’m not sure the emphasis is on academics there, judging by the websites.

Here it isn't. Our publics are highly rated, but that doesn't mean anything any more.

Our children go to a very rigorous classical school established by university professors. The academics are top notch but it's Catholic, so not everyone's cup of tea. There are no screens at all, they study Latin, and all the children are taught music by a Ph.D. in music ed.

One of my children struggles with math, so he has a tutor as well.

As a family, we prioritize education. Read the article in the Chronicle of Higher Ed..."Is This The End of Reading?" The public school education world is not what I want for my children.

That sounds great, except we are not Catholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oof. I don't know. My husband and I have Ivy League PhDs and our kids don't take music lessons before 4th grade because they're not interested (we've offered but don't force). They also don't take supplemental math, we try to teach them math and science they think is cool so they will have interest and motivation, but we're not focused in getting them multiple grade levels ahead so they can just be bored in school. They have limited ascreen time and spend a lot of time just free playing, reading, and building Legos.

I think your choices are to do your own thing and not care that everyone isn't like you; do your own thing and continue to judge others heavily; or move to a more Type A area. Take your pick!

Really the problem as kids get older is you are who you hang out with. If you hang out with junk food eating slackers, your kid will eat junk food and fight achievement.

I'm not sure about that. I went to a pretty average public school myself and didn't (was valedictorian). There are high achieving cohorts everywhere, and opportunities to connect through shared interests. There's also a huge difference between friends who are average in school and slackers who are going to influence your kid to skip, do drugs, etc.

I'm not sure what eating junk food has to do with achievement in school, but good luck keeping your kids from ever being exposed it.

Maybe it’s a cultural thing. We had junk food growing up (immigrant parents) but it was more like let’s buy this bag of chips or tub of ice cream and then when it’s gone, we wait until the next treat. Or we would split a soda, but only on pizza night or when eating greasy food like burgers. It was not daily junk and candy. I can’t believe people still stock soda and lemonade and drink it daily at home. Why are 8 year olds drinking soda at 9am? Why are 8 year olds drinking soda regularly anyway?

This is the thing with junk food. There's a wide range, even within American culture. It sounds like you fall into the "treats occasionally and in moderation" camp (as do I, parents both raised in the US). There's another thread by a mom who's furious that her daughter's friend fed her "poison" fast food...once.

That mom would probably look at both of us as "junk food eaters," even though it's not daily. And maybe assume our kids are slackers too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not a tiger mom necessarily. Hopefully not creating anxiety filled pressure cooker but yes, I believe in pushing kids to help achieve their potential. I’m living in a low pressure “meh whatever kids, play some video games and eat some candy” area where people don’t show up to half the things they sign up for, let alone practice on their own. Kids don’t play instruments or even learn to read music until band starts in 4th or 5th grade. In first grade they are still working on skip counting by 5s and 10s and adding sums within 20, and kids are struggling with it.

At a recent activity, I heard a cluster of moms loudly deriding college admissions (“What the point? Larlo can just go to x regional low tier state. It’s the same as if he goes to U Maryland! It’s not like he will get a better job so who cares?). Meanwhile I’m sitting there wondering why she thinks the highest bar is UMD. By the way, I’m not in Maryland, just an example.

I’m sure I’ll get trolled, but I am actually troubled by the lack of standards all around. This is a supposed to be a top district in my state. DD is 7 and is the only kid in her class who can tell time, takes music lessons, and is one of 2 kids who does supplemental math. How do I keep this up when all around us kids are just playing on iPads, eating junk. and not showing up for sports practice? Go ahead, troll me.

You really are insufferably ignorant. FYI the University is ranked 104. I doubt that your children would be accepted there. FWIW, I am not a Univ.of Maryland alum.

https://www.shiksha.com/studyabroad/usa/universities/university-of-maryland/ranking#:~:text=According%20to%20THE%20(Times%20Higher,Declining%20from%2093%20in%202022.

[Anonymous]

Move to China