Am I being overly sensitive?

[Anonymous]

I don’t think you are being sensitive, saying someone wasn’t working all year and was just eating bonbons is really insulting. Looking for a job for a year is really stressful. Supporting someone who isn’t bringing in any income is also stressful.

It sounds like neither of you have talked about the top this year has taken on both of you.

[Anonymous]

This is grounds for breaking up with him (and good riddance; he’s a a$$hat). But I don’t imagine that’s on the table; it sounds like you’ve been tolerating this behavior a long time . So what really is there to say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is grounds for breaking up with him (and good riddance; he’s a a$$hat). But I don’t imagine that’s on the table; it sounds like you’ve been tolerating this behavior a long time . So what really is there to say?

I mean. You’re actually asking if you’re being too sensitive? Figure out why you’re vulnerable to second-guessing yourself and tolerating disrespect and unkindness, at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you are being sensitive, saying someone wasn’t working all year and was just eating bonbons is really insulting. Looking for a job for a year is really stressful. Supporting someone who isn’t bringing in any income is also stressful.

It sounds like neither of you have talked about the top this year has taken on both of you.

Thank you. He hasn’t supported me financially this year though. I don’t live with him and I have never asked even for a penny nor has he given me a penny (not that I would ask or want to).

[Anonymous]

I have a steady job, but I have been trying to move to another paying job. In the past, interviews and calls happened easily, but not these days...

[Anonymous]

Also, SO is an a hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a steady job, but I have been trying to move to another paying job. In the past, interviews and calls happened easily, but not these days...

Same. Before this I could find another job in 2 months max and only had to apply to a handful of places while having recruiters contact me all the time. It’s bad out here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he built off your negativity. His first statement was innocuous but your response might have pushed that conversation in another direction

Hmm I can maybe see that.

I’ll give a little more context. The night prior, he had asked me randomly, again for about the fourth time recently would I get consider getting a BBL. He keeps bringing up the plastic surgery on my butt and then he laughs about it and turns around and says “you know I’m just joking”. I told him continuously asking about me getting plastic surgery on my body isn’t funny. Fast forward about 10 minutes later he asked me if I looked at engagement rings to see what style I liked but then laughed and said “or we could just leave our situation the way it is”. Followed by his favorite line, “you know that I’m just joking”. I obviously didn’t laugh. He said he wanted me to be “soft”. I responded that he makes a lot of passive aggressive “jokes” and although we can and should joke with each other, personal jabs aren’t healthy. He said he agreed with me. So when this came up tonight it was kind of like a forehead smack because we had just talked about this the day before.

Nice trolling OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a steady job, but I have been trying to move to another paying job. In the past, interviews and calls happened easily, but not these days...

Same. Before this I could find another job in 2 months max and only had to apply to a handful of places while having recruiters contact me all the time. It’s bad out here.

+1 I can't even get an interview. I've worked at top companies in my industry. I've started applying for jobs paying 80k less than what I made before and still nothing! Many in my field are experiencing this.

[Anonymous]

You called him a significant other, so does that mean you're not married? No kids? He sounds like a jerk, why don't you leave?

If he supported you through the last year then maybe he was annoyed by that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was laid off a year ago and I’ve struggled to find something since, well at least well paying anyways. I had some come contracting work here and there but nothing FTE. A lot of my colleagues in the same industry were/are in the same boat because the market has been absolutely awful. Luckily, I had a few interviews the past 2 weeks ago and I got an offer, looks like there’s a very very good chance of getting another tomorrow, just advanced to the next round with another company today, and got an invitation to interview with another company on Friday. I was updating my SO on me moving to the next round with another company and he said, “Where was this a year ago?”. I just stared at him. I responded with, “Really? I’ll let you answer that question”. To which he replied, “I think you wanted to take a year off and just started applying”, followed by a giggle. I looked at him and asked if that’s what he really thought and he said, “Yea”, paused then laughed again and said, “Come on you know I was just joking. Grow up”. I told him that wasn’t funny and it was stupid and he said, “I guess you want to act brand new now that you’re getting a job”. I asked him what he meant by that and he said never mind and tried to change the subject and I asked again what he meant. He finally just said that he was going to bed.

Was I being too sensitive?

Yeah, this is typical "thoughtless not-joke that didn't land, followed by accusations of hypersensitivity instead of an apology, and then projecting his deficiencies onto you (the grow up part, which he clearly hasn't done for himself)" and it's usually something kids do.

Then I read your follow-up comment about the BBL nagging. DTMFA. What does this person bring to your life?

You're not overly sensitive for being upset, but you're complicit in your own suffering if you stay with someone so emotionally stunted and devoid of benefit to you life.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't make a life with this man if it wasn't something your brain/body told you was lighthearted and to dismiss. Something is telling you he's a jerk and wouldn't be supportive when bigger things happen down the line.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make a life with this man if it wasn't something your brain/body told you was lighthearted and to dismiss. Something is telling you he's a jerk and wouldn't be supportive when bigger things happen down the line.

That’s exactly what my gut is telling me. It’s like what Jen said about Brad -“he’s missing a sensitivity chip”. I guess because he’s never outright mean but will say passive aggressive, insensitive things like in the OP frequently so I thought I was being hypersensitive.

His childhood friend, who came from a very wealthy family, committed suicide last year. They were clearing out his things a few weeks later and the family gave his versace robe to another mutual friend instead of my BF. My BF talked about incessantly how “unfair” it was and he “deserved” the robe because he had known him longer than their other mutual friend. It was so off putting and bizarre that the robe was his concern. Also, the childhood friend weighed about about 300 lbs and my BF is probably 160 lbs so even more bizarre that he was so upset about this robe….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't make a life with this man if it wasn't something your brain/body told you was lighthearted and to dismiss. Something is telling you he's a jerk and wouldn't be supportive when bigger things happen down the line.

That’s exactly what my gut is telling me. It’s like what Jen said about Brad -“he’s missing a sensitivity chip”. I guess because he’s never outright mean but will say passive aggressive, insensitive things like in the OP frequently so I thought I was being hypersensitive.

His childhood friend, who came from a very wealthy family, committed suicide last year. They were clearing out his things a few weeks later and the family gave his versace robe to another mutual friend instead of my BF. My BF talked about incessantly how “unfair” it was and he “deserved” the robe because he had known him longer than their other mutual friend. It was so off putting and bizarre that the robe was his concern. Also, the childhood friend weighed about about 300 lbs and my BF is probably 160 lbs so even more bizarre that he was so upset about this robe….

Hi OP,
1. Congrats on the job offer.
2. Your SO is a narcissistic loser who not only isn't partner material but also apparently is a waste of oxygen and space.
3. You should do a Dan Savage and DTMFA. Also, people who stay with losers when there isn't a compelling reason to do so (financial dependency; kids you're afraid will be neglected/abused on the days when your ex has custody) are losers as well.

[Anonymous]

No doubt - you should dump him. He sounds awful.