Travel team, 14 yr old not getting much/any playing time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I’m paying travel fees I’m allowed to speak to the Coach about playing time.
I’d have my kid try first but if no change I’m speaking up.

If you did this to me, I would cut your kid. I don’t tolerate these types of parents.

If there is going to be a significant change in playing time the coach bears the responsibility to talk with the kid and let them know where they stand and what can be done to improve the situation. This is what a good coach would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks all. This is OP. This is a travel team so we are very definitely paying and unfortunately I don't think its a situation where the coach is unaware.

I am hoping my son will talk to his coach this week at practice. If he doesn't or doesn't feel comfortable, I will talk with him either before this weekends game or cross my fingers that it will resolve itself...and then talk to him if it doesn't. And yes, he is trying out for another team so that may be a solution too.

Our coach gave my player the cold shoulder when they found out she was trying out for another team. Lets hope your son's lack of playing time is not due to a jealous coach, who is giving your child less minutes because they are looking at other teams. -Coaches need to cut that crap out.

Our DD is the best player on her current team. She wanted to move up next fall to the stronger team but due to politics they kept her on the same team even though she's far better than everyone else. So, we decided to try out for other clubs and she received offers from all the clubs for the stronger tier teams the day after the first tryout. We decided to move clubs and since then the coach has been playing my kid at the same position and giving her the cold shoulder. At first DD was sad and confused because before that she was the coach's favorite player (asking DD to show different drills, lead practice, etc) but now he acts annoyed. We told her the reality of life and now she knows to keep her head low and just practice/play until the season is over. It is what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I’m paying travel fees I’m allowed to speak to the Coach about playing time.
I’d have my kid try first but if no change I’m speaking up.

If you did this to me, I would cut your kid. I don’t tolerate these types of parents.

You might want to talk to your board before you cut a kid and oblige them to pay a refund. You'd have to be at a very well off club to get away with that

No, it's in the contract. There's no refunds for situations like this. If parents step out of line and their kids get cut as a result, no refund. We lay out explicit guidelines for parent conduct, and one of the items is the kids are to self-advocate. We don't do toxic parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son needs to talk to the coach himself at 14.

Agree...he's pretty reserved when it comes to these things and after the past few games his confidence is getting shaken so its getting hard to encourage this.

When my son was 12, we asked for a meeting with the coach and went with him for moral support. We coached him on what to say ("Thank you for this opportunity, can you explain why x is happening to me?"), and we hardly spoke. Our son wasn't ready to take on an adult independently and needed some backup. It was a positive experience for him. I think he'll be better at self-advocating in the future.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happens a lot at our club. They will bring guest players and not play the players who are actually on the team.

I do think if your son is getting less and less playing time, he will be dropped. The typically speech, "if you move to the next team down your son will get more play time and then we can re evaluate and have him move up."

Not always. We were offered a spot the next year after a poor year of playing time the year prior. The coach made it clear that he believed in our son and needed to play at this level, but the systems they were teaching weren't clicking yet, so they couldn't play him as much. We were inclined to decline the offer, but the coach worked to keep us and told us they weren't giving up on him and we shouldn't give up on them. It's worth gathering information before leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I’m paying travel fees I’m allowed to speak to the Coach about playing time.
I’d have my kid try first but if no change I’m speaking up.

If you did this to me, I would cut your kid. I don’t tolerate these types of parents.

You might want to talk to your board before you cut a kid and oblige them to pay a refund. You'd have to be at a very well off club to get away with that

No, it's in the contract. There's no refunds for situations like this. If parents step out of line and their kids get cut as a result, no refund. We lay out explicit guidelines for parent conduct, and one of the items is the kids are to self-advocate. We don't do toxic parents.

LOL! Nice troll.

[Anonymous]

My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

I think at the 13-14 YO stage, there is a place for parents to be involved in the discussion as support for their child. Not to barge in and yell at the coach, but to be part of a civil, production conversation. To exclude parents really is just clubs and coaches taking advantage of the power dynamic between the adult coach and the child.

[Anonymous]

Where are you? There are a lot of teams looking for players.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I’m paying travel fees I’m allowed to speak to the Coach about playing time.
I’d have my kid try first but if no change I’m speaking up.

If you did this to me, I would cut your kid. I don’t tolerate these types of parents.

You might want to talk to your board before you cut a kid and oblige them to pay a refund. You'd have to be at a very well off club to get away with that

No, it's in the contract. There's no refunds for situations like this. If parents step out of line and their kids get cut as a result, no refund. We lay out explicit guidelines for parent conduct, and one of the items is the kids are to self-advocate. We don't do toxic parents.

That would be for small claims. If you cut my kid because I asked why they weren't playing, I'd take my chances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

I think at the 13-14 YO stage, there is a place for parents to be involved in the discussion as support for their child. Not to barge in and yell at the coach, but to be part of a civil, production conversation. To exclude parents really is just clubs and coaches taking advantage of the power dynamic between the adult coach and the child.

Mom in the background is different than Mom talking to the coach herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

I think at the 13-14 YO stage, there is a place for parents to be involved in the discussion as support for their child. Not to barge in and yell at the coach, but to be part of a civil, production conversation. To exclude parents really is just clubs and coaches taking advantage of the power dynamic between the adult coach and the child.

Mom in the background is different than Mom talking to the coach herself.

This. Parents, it is REALLY important for kids to navigate these conversations themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

I think at the 13-14 YO stage, there is a place for parents to be involved in the discussion as support for their child. Not to barge in and yell at the coach, but to be part of a civil, production conversation. To exclude parents really is just clubs and coaches taking advantage of the power dynamic between the adult coach and the child.

Agree. Every decision they make is about making and keeping your money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

I think at the 13-14 YO stage, there is a place for parents to be involved in the discussion as support for their child. Not to barge in and yell at the coach, but to be part of a civil, production conversation. To exclude parents really is just clubs and coaches taking advantage of the power dynamic between the adult coach and the child.

Agree. Every decision they make is about making and keeping your money.

+100
To OP -- I hear you. I have been in the same situation with my boys. Prepare your kid to talk to the coach himself -- I know this is difficult. Maybe do some roll playing -- my boys did well with this -- they felt empowered and less afraid.
Find a good time for your son to approach the coach -- could he first send him an email and ask for a good time to talk? Tell your son to remember what the coach tells him -- even try to remember his (mostly) exact words. That way you will be in a position to decide if you want to talk with the coach. You should not be afraid to talk to the coach -- one way or another, get the answers you need to make the best decision for your son for next season. Also helps to be ready to walk away from the club. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

I think at the 13-14 YO stage, there is a place for parents to be involved in the discussion as support for their child. Not to barge in and yell at the coach, but to be part of a civil, production conversation. To exclude parents really is just clubs and coaches taking advantage of the power dynamic between the adult coach and the child.

Mom in the background is different than Mom talking to the coach herself.

This. Parents, it is REALLY important for kids to navigate these conversations themselves.

No it isn’t.

Parents are paying the coach to coach their kid. If a coach or club decides that they do not want to do the job they are hired and paid to do then that conversation must be with the person who signed the contract.

It is really very simple. If a coach of a team believes a player is not up to their standard then do not put them on the team. No problem. If you take the money then the coach and team/club have to provide the agreed upon services. Take the $$$$ - do the work.

Of course if there are disciplinary issues then additional approaches must be used. But, kid sucks? Oh well. Work with what you have and learn from it. Don’t take a kid who sucks because you want more money.

You, as a coach, want teens to talk to you about playing time? Fine. But, you must have that same conversation with the paying parent FIRST. You don’t want to have that conversation with the paying parent? You’re an adult. Tell them why they are not getting what they paid for.

Now, your kid wants to have a discussion like - I want to play offense? Okay, that’s a fair subject that you can coach your kid up on how to approach it with their coach. Yes, behind the scenes you should email/text the coach ahead of time and say your kid wants to discuss xyz. Most of the time these things can be addressed pretty easily.

As an aside - playing multiple positions is very important. Doing so in scrimmages is fine. Very few kids stay with one position as they get older. Certainly, with college they are going to want some comfort level playing multiple positions.

One of my favorite parent/coach interactions happened with my daughter’s u16 team. They were doing basically an indoor round robin tournament with a couple other teams staged as a private college showcase. First game, for some reason the team’s coach was going to be late and had arranged a sub. to fill in. Game starts and kids play a 30 minute half basically with no subs. Then the second half gets going and a few weaker players are not in. Get about 10 minutes into a 30 minute half and kids still are not in. Mom of one of the kids who has not gotten in yet walks over (around the sideline) to ask the substitute coach what’s going on. Why isn’t everyone playing?

When the regular coach got there he apologized to all the parents and made up the playing time. It was pretty funny. I’m sure that young coach was surprised when a mom walked over to ask what he was doing.