Travel team, 14 yr old not getting much/any playing time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

I think at the 13-14 YO stage, there is a place for parents to be involved in the discussion as support for their child. Not to barge in and yell at the coach, but to be part of a civil, production conversation. To exclude parents really is just clubs and coaches taking advantage of the power dynamic between the adult coach and the child.

Mom in the background is different than Mom talking to the coach herself.

This. Parents, it is REALLY important for kids to navigate these conversations themselves.

No it isn’t.

Parents are paying the coach to coach their kid. If a coach or club decides that they do not want to do the job they are hired and paid to do then that conversation must be with the person who signed the contract.

It is really very simple. If a coach of a team believes a player is not up to their standard then do not put them on the team. No problem. If you take the money then the coach and team/club have to provide the agreed upon services. Take the $$$$ - do the work.

Of course if there are disciplinary issues then additional approaches must be used. But, kid sucks? Oh well. Work with what you have and learn from it. Don’t take a kid who sucks because you want more money.

You, as a coach, want teens to talk to you about playing time? Fine. But, you must have that same conversation with the paying parent FIRST. You don’t want to have that conversation with the paying parent? You’re an adult. Tell them why they are not getting what they paid for.

Now, your kid wants to have a discussion like - I want to play offense? Okay, that’s a fair subject that you can coach your kid up on how to approach it with their coach. Yes, behind the scenes you should email/text the coach ahead of time and say your kid wants to discuss xyz. Most of the time these things can be addressed pretty easily.

As an aside - playing multiple positions is very important. Doing so in scrimmages is fine. Very few kids stay with one position as they get older. Certainly, with college they are going to want some comfort level playing multiple positions.

One of my favorite parent/coach interactions happened with my daughter’s u16 team. They were doing basically an indoor round robin tournament with a couple other teams staged as a private college showcase. First game, for some reason the team’s coach was going to be late and had arranged a sub. to fill in. Game starts and kids play a 30 minute half basically with no subs. Then the second half gets going and a few weaker players are not in. Get about 10 minutes into a 30 minute half and kids still are not in. Mom of one of the kids who has not gotten in yet walks over (around the sideline) to ask the substitute coach what’s going on. Why isn’t everyone playing?

When the regular coach got there he apologized to all the parents and made up the playing time. It was pretty funny. I’m sure that young coach was surprised when a mom walked over to ask what he was doing.

You are doing your kid no favors, but congrats on feeling all-powerful by wielding that checkbook.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Parents are paying the coach to coach their kid. If a coach or club decides that they do not want to do the job they are hired and paid to do then that conversation must be with the person who signed the contract.

It is really very simple. If a coach of a team believes a player is not up to their standard then do not put them on the team. No problem. If you take the money then the coach and team/club have to provide the agreed upon services. Take the $$$$ - do the work.

You are paying for the practices and the coaching/training. Paying the fee does not guarantee game time, that is up to the kid to earn through performance. If you want to pay for equal paying time, do rec.

[Anonymous]

Look, you can all pull the “I’m the paying customer so they owe it to talk to me”. You are doing your 14 year old no favors. Helping your kid advocate for them self has positive impacts in all areas. What if they get what they think is an unfair grade on an essay in school? Are you going to email immediately demanding a grade change? Or if they interview for their first job and don’t get it?

Come on. Almost no kids in soccer now are making it pro or even to college. There are life skills to be learned being on a sports team beyond the game and this is one of them. Help your kid become mature and advocate for themself. The coach will respect them, AND YOU, more.

[Anonymous]

One of my favorite parent/coach interactions happened with my daughter’s u16 team. They were doing basically an indoor round robin tournament with a couple other teams staged as a private college showcase. First game, for some reason the team’s coach was going to be late and had arranged a sub. to fill in. Game starts and kids play a 30 minute half basically with no subs. Then the second half gets going and a few weaker players are not in. Get about 10 minutes into a 30 minute half and kids still are not in. Mom of one of the kids who has not gotten in yet walks over (around the sideline) to ask the substitute coach what’s going on. Why isn’t everyone playing?

At U16? You must be joking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son's coach would have benched him for having Mommy step in. No, I'm not a troll. My son's friend was benched for this very reason.

A 14 year old needs to talk to the coach himself, and pay attention to what he is told.

I think at the 13-14 YO stage, there is a place for parents to be involved in the discussion as support for their child. Not to barge in and yell at the coach, but to be part of a civil, production conversation. To exclude parents really is just clubs and coaches taking advantage of the power dynamic between the adult coach and the child.

+1

Kid can talk first, then parent can follow up later for clarification if needed.

Benching a kid if a parent talks to them is toxic coach behavior and I wouldn't want my kid with that adult anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, you can all pull the “I’m the paying customer so they owe it to talk to me”. You are doing your 14 year old no favors. Helping your kid advocate for them self has positive impacts in all areas. What if they get what they think is an unfair grade on an essay in school? Are you going to email immediately demanding a grade change? Or if they interview for their first job and don’t get it?

Come on. Almost no kids in soccer now are making it pro or even to college. There are life skills to be learned being on a sports team beyond the game and this is one of them. Help your kid become mature and advocate for themself. The coach will respect them, AND YOU, more.

Nope. Not the job of a teenager to find out why someone I am paying to teach my kid is not doing their job. Only a coward would hide from having a direct conversation with the person paying the bill. No, no I will only talk with a 14 year old? You’re an adult. Be the adult and have what I would expect to be a series of conversations.

But, bottom line, if you take the money then you have to play the kid. It is very easy to avoid this problem. Don’t put the kid on the team. Problem solved.

Now here’s a couple other points:

1. Good clubs avoid this issue because they don’t put the kid on the team if they are not going to play them. This isn’t a new thing.
2. Good teams have lots of kids on them who are going to play in college. I recall that it was 14-15 of the 17 girls on my daughter’s u16 team who played in college. My favorite really was the super smart girl who went to a D3 and played soccer, basketball and golf. The 2-3 girls who didn’t play in college certainly could have played D2 or D3, but elected to go to big schools.
3. Finally - guess what? No one gives a flying xxxx who wins or loses. My kids played thousands of games/competed in races/competed in events etc. Over all those games/activities I could count the ones where it “mattered” if the team won or loss on my fingers. A couple high school state championship games, 3 or 4 ncaa playoff games, and maybe a few others. No one cares.

Years ago one of the grand fathers came to most of his grandson’s baseball games when they were playing youth ball. Over the years his grandkids were on some of my kid’s teams, and everyone got to know him.

His grandkids went to the “other” high school in our school district. When the two schools played he was there of course, but he rooted for the kids that he knew from little league days rather than for a team. It didn’t matter that they were playing for the “other” school. They were “his kids”.

It’s the same with club soccer. Play hard. Learn. Get better. Have fun. It doesn’t matter who wins/loses. (Until pro/college ball - then there will be coaches who will be paid based, in part, on wins.)

[Anonymous]

“But, bottom line, if you take the money then you have to play the kid.”

Clearly, no you don’t. And it’s no one’s problem.

[Anonymous]

“But, bottom line, if you take the money then you have to play the kid.”

What is the basis for this? Per our contracts, yes, at the younger age groups, a kid should expect 50 percent playing time, but per the older age groups, playing time is earned and no amount of playing time is guaranteed. I don't agree that it is morally right, but it is what the contract says.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

“But, bottom line, if you take the money then you have to play the kid.”

What is the basis for this? Per our contracts, yes, at the younger age groups, a kid should expect 50 percent playing time, but per the older age groups, playing time is earned and no amount of playing time is guaranteed. I don't agree that it is morally right, but it is what the contract says.

Strictly on a contract basis - it’s called “an oral modification”. Your contracts are less than a year in length so the Statute of Frauds does not apply. I dare you to put a kid on a team and tell his/her parents - “he/she can be on the team, but he/she is not as good as the other kids so they won’t play much.” Go on. Do it.

What everyone says is that the kid will play. It may not be the same amount of time as everyone else, because we can’t track the time as close. And, we cannot promise time in particular positions. But, your kid will be playing a lot, and we are looking forward to having them on the team.” Left unsaid is the part where the club and coach are thinking “we want the Money”.

And, as I said before, good clubs and good coaches already do this. It is how they attract good players year after year. It’s why their websites feature lots of posts and pictures about where kids have signed to play in college or pro.

[Anonymous]

What everyone says is that the kid will play. It may not be the same amount of time as everyone else, because we can’t track the time as close. And, we cannot promise time in particular positions. But, your kid will be playing a lot, and we are looking forward to having them on the team.”

Nobody said this ever, to my son or daughter. On my son's MLS next team, some kids did not even get to be rostered for the game. It depended on how you did in practice. Again, I don't agree with the practice but nobody ever said it was anything besides what it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

What everyone says is that the kid will play. It may not be the same amount of time as everyone else, because we can’t track the time as close. And, we cannot promise time in particular positions. But, your kid will be playing a lot, and we are looking forward to having them on the team.”

Nobody said this ever, to my son or daughter. On my son's MLS next team, some kids did not even get to be rostered for the game. It depended on how you did in practice. Again, I don't agree with the practice but nobody ever said it was anything besides what it was.

ECNL girl. My daughter is rostered for every game but she wonders which of her friends won't show up for the weekend. I've not seen fair playing time for girls on her teams since she was 8 or 9.