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close friend's mom died suddenly- won't say why?
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Anonymous
I agree. Why do you need to pry into this? If it is not obvious, and your friend isn't sharing, then it is private information. What matters now is helping your friend. |
Anonymous
| I agree with other PPs that you should let it go. She will tell when she is ready. Just be there for her. It is incredibly difficult to lose a parent, regardless of manner of death, but possibly worse in suicide etc. situations. |
Anonymous
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If you were such a good friend it would not matter what happened, maybe she died in a roach infested crack house, would you still be her friend?
Stop looking for gossip material and grow up |
Anonymous
Not OP but again, who said she is prying into anything? I think the whole point is that she is discussing it here because it is on her mind and she's not going to bring it up with her friend. I fail to see the harm in that. |
Anonymous
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Good lord. Let it go. This is not your business unless your friend wants to share it.
If you try your best to let it go and find that you can't, maybe you should talk with a therapist. Uncontrollable obsession with death is not healthy and could be a sign that you have other mental healh issues. Or more likely, you're just a gossip and a bad friend. |
Anonymous
| Curiosity is one thing, but I think you need to let this go. Isn't it possible that they don't even know the exact cause of death yet? If it has only been a week, would an autopsy report even be complete by now? Your friend is going to need a lot of support in the weeks and months ahead. Continue to be there for her and perhaps she will talk more about it when she is ready, but you really need to let her process this devastating loss for awhile. |
Anonymous
NP here. Hopefully you're on a break while posting to DCUM. If you get offended by something like the access to drugs comment, life must be very unpleasant for you. For crying out loud, sure it's a generalization, but it's a true one. Medical workers generally have greater access to drugs than other people do. Duh. |
Anonymous
So many of the reasons I didn't discuss the suicides of my father and brothers with certain individuals are contained in the above post. Foremost is assuming that impact on the friend is less than what it would be on the poster because the friend didn't have as close a relationship as the poster does with her mother. Second is the implicit assumption that the friend may never be able to move past it. Third is the bewilderment that things could be so bad that someone would kill themselves (oh the ignorance about depression/mental illness). Finally, being in the presence of poster like this is incredibly draining. It becomes all about them, they project their drama and feelings on you whether you're trying to deal with the moment, maintain some equilibrium or move to normalcy. There's also the questions (sometimes asked flat out) "Are you going to kill yourself, too?" "Are you as fucked up as your father and brothers?" Don't think the grieving person doesn't see and feel this emanating from you. The true friends were the people who didn't care about the details, only that they were available when I needed them. |
Anonymous
Yes, all of this. OP's post tells me exactly why her friend is keeping information private. |
Anonymous
10:17 here. OP wrote, "Is there any chance it WASNT a suicide? That is the only thing I can think of as to the secrecy, etc. Of course I am there for my friend 100%, but I can't stop internally worrying about what might have happened. I don't even know why the idea of HOW she died is bothering me so much, but it really is. I can find absolutely nothing on google. No obituary and it's been a week. Any other way to find out? If that isn't prying, I don't know what is. If she is perceiving secrecy, then her friend is likely needing privacy. OP's efforts to "find out" is indeed prying. She should spend less time on google and more time helping her friend. If she were my friend, I'd be drawing the wagons closer and telling her to keep the eff out of my business. |
Anonymous
NO, you are a horse's patoot. Duh! |
Anonymous
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Curiosity is natural.
If you want to search out the death certificate to find the cause of death, go ahead. Just don't bug your friend about it. |
Anonymous
| I can see where all the meanies are today. It's not like the OP said that her friend's mom died in a car accident, but did she die of a broken neck or internal bleeding? Or she was murdered, but was she shot or stabbed? She's not being a jerk looking for some gross, inappropriate details. |
Anonymous
I don't know whether OP is a "jerk" or not, but she is indeed looking for inappropriate details; if her friend has not shared the cause of death, then it is none of OP's business. Googling and asking people on this board how else she can "find out" information that her friend is clearly not interested in sharing is indeed seeking out inappropriate details not intended for her consumption. |
Anonymous
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OP,
I think your curiosity is natural. The thing with death and dying is that we have to respect the wishes of the closest survivors or, when the patient is still alive but dying, the patient. Here's why you know: She died and the family doesn't want to share the information. Try to find a way to respect that without projecting your own ideas of how you'd handle the situation if you were in her shoes. Something along these lines happened to me earlier this year where I learned that a beloved professor was ill but the community was vague about the diagnosis. I respected that but at the same time was exceedingly curious about the specifics and about what the choice not to divulge details meant. I had to let go of all that. |