Parent volunteers who are nuts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

Been at two different schools - one school admin selects parent volunteers carefully and other one allows the parents to self select themselves and their friends. Guess which one has a smoother nicer experience?

The group of friends. Because they are all just going to agree. The group of carefully selected randoms are going to try to "shake things up" and do it all differently and re-invent the wheel and infighting and disagreement will ensue. What should take 15 minutes will take 3 hours because everyone will have an opinion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

You sound ridiculous. Most of the SAHMs I know have masters, law, or doctorate degrees. They are actually successful and wealthy enough to afford to stay home. I am one of these parents. I worked when younger but am wealthy enough to be able to stay at home with my kids in my late 30's and on as I always wanted to do. Most of the moms I know still working in their 50's and 60's can not afford to stay home.

Man, your over-the-top frantic defensiveness is wild. There was nothing that the PP said that warranted a response like this. Incredible.

Not defensive in the least just correcting the pp with their incorrect statements. That is all. They specifically stated that SAHMs tend to be less educated and I am correcting them. Now move along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

Been at two different schools - one school admin selects parent volunteers carefully and other one allows the parents to self select themselves and their friends. Guess which one has a smoother nicer experience?

The group of friends. Because they are all just going to agree. The group of carefully selected randoms are going to try to "shake things up" and do it all differently and re-invent the wheel and infighting and disagreement will ensue. What should take 15 minutes will take 3 hours because everyone will have an opinion.

Not really. Normal civilized parents and adults should be able to work together. Why should parents that want to be involved in their community get shut out because they are not friends with the Queen Bees? That is ridiculous and not really accepted in well run schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

Been at two different schools - one school admin selects parent volunteers carefully and other one allows the parents to self select themselves and their friends. Guess which one has a smoother nicer experience?

The group of friends. Because they are all just going to agree. The group of carefully selected randoms are going to try to "shake things up" and do it all differently and re-invent the wheel and infighting and disagreement will ensue. What should take 15 minutes will take 3 hours because everyone will have an opinion.

Not really. Normal civilized parents and adults should be able to work together. Why should parents that want to be involved in their community get shut out because they are not friends with the Queen Bees? That is ridiculous and not really accepted in well run schools.

Well according to some here you must be an underemployed and undereducated SAHM to want to spend so much time and energy planning some ridiculous PTA event. Just write the check to support the school and either attend the events or don't. Nobody needs you to drone on and on about your visions at a PTA meeting.

[Anonymous]

During Spring of our DC's senior year, all kinds of parents (never seen before in 4 years!) came out of the woodwork to participate in a few of the senior events parents run for the kids. Eye opening on some of these folks, their need to control, self importance....but also others just staying under the fray and doing what they can do to help out. I have no need to get into drama - but I do enjoy meeting people and participating and helping. I just give grace and let the bossy behavior slide. But I also do my best to find something else to help with when my radar goes off on an over-the-top parent. No judging but no need to touch the third rail. And remember - almost everyone else also notices those people and how they are acting. The groups seemed pretty adept at managing it. Some ideas/actions are so out of bounds that nobody gets behind it and it dies of lack of air. Other ideas/actions are so bad that others (self included) speak up and squash. And the ones that are "just fine" but you don't want drama....you don't sign up for a big role on that project.

[Anonymous]

I do a fair amount of volunteering at my kid's school. Luckily, the culture around volunteering is pretty positive and it's been a good experience. I work but I have flex in my schedule and take on volunteer roles as I can. It's important to me and I benefit from getting to know other parents, administrators, teachers and my kid's friends.

I know people love to come on here with their snarky comments about other parents who volunteer, but the event that your kids (and families) directly benefit from don't run themselves. It's often a lot of work. There are certainly some bad eggs that volunteer and I just let it slide. Who knows what's going on their lives to make them behave that way. But have a little appreciation for the parents with good intentions who are giving their time and energy. And know that from an outside perspective, your snarkiness looks like a defense mechanism--you feel guilty that you don't participate in the central community of your child's life so you belittle those that do. Hope that you find satisfaction in venting here and maybe pitch in when you can...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

Been at two different schools - one school admin selects parent volunteers carefully and other one allows the parents to self select themselves and their friends. Guess which one has a smoother nicer experience?

The group of friends. Because they are all just going to agree. The group of carefully selected randoms are going to try to "shake things up" and do it all differently and re-invent the wheel and infighting and disagreement will ensue. What should take 15 minutes will take 3 hours because everyone will have an opinion.

Not really. Normal civilized parents and adults should be able to work together. Why should parents that want to be involved in their community get shut out because they are not friends with the Queen Bees? That is ridiculous and not really accepted in well run schools.

Well according to some here you must be an underemployed and undereducated SAHM to want to spend so much time and energy planning some ridiculous PTA event. Just write the check to support the school and either attend the events or don't. Nobody needs you to drone on and on about your visions at a PTA meeting.

Nope. I just send a check. Have zero interest in planning anything but I do think for those that WANT to help out they should be able to to do so.

[Anonymous]

That's how volunteering is with that age group in any organization, not just schools. Just try to stay above it and give people grace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

Been at two different schools - one school admin selects parent volunteers carefully and other one allows the parents to self select themselves and their friends. Guess which one has a smoother nicer experience?

The group of friends. Because they are all just going to agree. The group of carefully selected randoms are going to try to "shake things up" and do it all differently and re-invent the wheel and infighting and disagreement will ensue. What should take 15 minutes will take 3 hours because everyone will have an opinion.

Not really. Normal civilized parents and adults should be able to work together. Why should parents that want to be involved in their community get shut out because they are not friends with the Queen Bees? That is ridiculous and not really accepted in well run schools.

Well according to some here you must be an underemployed and undereducated SAHM to want to spend so much time and energy planning some ridiculous PTA event. Just write the check to support the school and either attend the events or don't. Nobody needs you to drone on and on about your visions at a PTA meeting.

Nope. I just send a check. Have zero interest in planning anything but I do think for those that WANT to help out they should be able to to do so.

You know there are only so many roles and there can be too many cooks in the kitchen which causes headaches for everyone. Those people who WANT to be involved are also not going to be happy being a help in any way they can. You know they want to be in charge bossing everyone else around. You need to start small, show up, help out as needed and from there it should be easy to take on a bigger role next time. But you can't just roll in, want to call all the shots, then leave in a huff when people don't respond well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

You sound ridiculous. Most of the SAHMs I know have masters, law, or doctorate degrees. They are actually successful and wealthy enough to afford to stay home. I am one of these parents. I worked when younger but am wealthy enough to be able to stay at home with my kids in my late 30's and on as I always wanted to do. Most of the moms I know still working in their 50's and 60's can not afford to stay home.

You are right. Some of the SAHMs have high level degrees and often from very prestigious colleges. As is the case with our DS school’s PTA president.

Unlucky for us, she is the same one who has weekly 3 hour meetings, micro manages, and is over controlling. Moving along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

You sound ridiculous. Most of the SAHMs I know have masters, law, or doctorate degrees. They are actually successful and wealthy enough to afford to stay home. I am one of these parents. I worked when younger but am wealthy enough to be able to stay at home with my kids in my late 30's and on as I always wanted to do. Most of the moms I know still working in their 50's and 60's can not afford to stay home.

Yeah that’s the problem though. These women need to be working instead of taking out their aggression at school mom clubs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

You sound ridiculous. Most of the SAHMs I know have masters, law, or doctorate degrees. They are actually successful and wealthy enough to afford to stay home. I am one of these parents. I worked when younger but am wealthy enough to be able to stay at home with my kids in my late 30's and on as I always wanted to do. Most of the moms I know still working in their 50's and 60's can not afford to stay home.

You are right. Some of the SAHMs have high level degrees and often from very prestigious colleges. As is the case with our DS school’s PTA president.

Unlucky for us, she is the same one who has weekly 3 hour meetings, micro manages, and is over controlling. Moving along.

Honestly - it's pretty pathetic when parents (that you really don't know much else about) make sure people know the level of degree and their prestigious school.....whether that be a SAHM or not. It's yuck. (but very DC)

[Anonymous]

This is one problem we don’t have in my kids’ DC public school. The same small subset of nice parents volunteer for most stuff, but they also work, and we are all just kind of muddling thru to make enough pizza parties happen. It is one of my fave things about public school: the normal-ness. (We did have one gossip mom years ago who ran the events but then spent the whole time talking bad about teachers and other people’s kids… the fam eventually left for private school so she’s probably off somewhere making other people crazy, unfortunately…)

[Anonymous]

I think the dynamics are very specific to the culture of whatever school your child attends. For instance, we found some toxic, nasty parents volunteering in the public school our daughter attended as well as have some in our current private school.

I personally am glad my child is in
middle school now because my child and her peers get to help determine some of the activities and actually do a fair amount of the work for said activities themselves (dances, spirit week, kindness week etc.) It is her school experience after all, not mine. I will help here and there but I do not want to be enmeshed in PTA matters. YMMV.

[Anonymous]

I stopped volunteering in person years ago and this thread only reinforces my choice. Tell me where to drop off the water bottles or send the check, please.