Parent volunteers who are nuts

[Anonymous]

My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

[Anonymous]

Some people have entirely too much time and entirely too little other meaningful things in their lives.

[Anonymous]

If your youngest is a senior, I would just ignore these emails. I quit participating in teacher appreciation at my kid's school. It draws the hypercompetitive moms out of the woodwork for some reason. I donate $$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people have entirely too much time and entirely too little other meaningful things in their lives.

I agree.

[Anonymous]

If your kid is in high school these women are probably in their 50s which are the perimenopause years. This is me and i know many women (including on occasion my self) who are acting crazy in all sorts of ways. Best to just ignore this behavior. It too shall pass.

[Anonymous]

Why do you care? Your youngest child is almost done. Sounds like YOU'RE the wannabee queen bee.

[Anonymous]

I volunteer a lot and yes, I see some crazy bossy mean types but mostly nice parents who want to help out

That said, in my many years at our private, I’ve noticed a big decline in the number of parents volunteering, even controlling for work status (FT etc)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

Luckily, this hasn't really been my experience (nor have I heard it happening at our well-known school). That being said, during an at-school holiday party I did have a Mom turn to me and in a very strict tone express that she didn't like her child having sweet treats during the school day. As she is the only one who complained (there is always also a healthy snack choice at the parties), I suggested she just tell her child to only choose the healthy snack because the other parents were fine with them having it for a special occasion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your youngest is a senior, I would just ignore these emails. I quit participating in teacher appreciation at my kid's school. It draws the hypercompetitive moms out of the woodwork for some reason. I donate $$.

I wouldn't ignore. Just send a sympathetic note in response and move on. No need to get yourself in the middle of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your kid is in high school these women are probably in their 50s which are the perimenopause years. This is me and i know many women (including on occasion my self) who are acting crazy in all sorts of ways. Best to just ignore this behavior. It too shall pass.

This sounds exactly like something my grandmother would have said and she was the best.

I like you.

[Anonymous]

Hell is other people.
The ninth circle of hell is for parent volunteers.

[Anonymous]

Parent volunteer positions are often poorly defined, have no accountability, and are filled by either the parents with the most social status or the ones who raised their hand for positions no one else wanted.

I’ve seen countless parents with no leadership skills in the highest leadership positions. These people can’t run a meeting, have no notion of facilitating teamwork or how to develop and support a team. They can’t delegate. They micromanage, scream, misuse their power, and act like 12-year-old mean girls and boys.

I’ve seen parents try to run the parent organization like it’s a fiefdom. A dad who tied to run it like a corporation with salaried employees.(That was pretty funny! ) I’ve seen them turn it into the “cool club.” I’ve heard racist, homophobic, fat-shaming, and looks-ist comments made about other volunteers.

Yes, volunteering can be a nightmare.

Most schools lack the organizational savvy and leadership themselves to deal with this mess. As long as there’s someone to step up they simply don’t care.

I try to help where I can and let the rest of the craziness roll off my back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

I have a private high school senior too. I don’t even know how I could volunteer. What sort of weirdo high school does your kid go to where any parent is this involved? And how are any of those kids actually managing to graduate as they apparently can’t even tie their shoes without their moms?

[Anonymous]

The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.