Parent volunteers who are nuts

[Anonymous]

I'm generally quite lenient towards people who are visibly stressed and temporarily raise their voice, unless their words are really unacceptably nasty and personal. What matters is that there are no lasting animosities or rudeness when everyone has calmed down after each event.

It seems to me that if there was a particular person who was habitually and unpardonably rude, parents would have complained to the school administration and the PTA already, and efforts would have been made to exclude them from further volunteering.

We had such a person in our PTA, who turned out to be suffering from a psychotic break. She was promptly ousted, to rest and seek help.

If this is the case, then you need to get a group of parents to consult with the PTA President and Principal, for the good of the families who are coming behind you. Unless the person in question is also leaving the school this year, in which case it's a moot point.

[Anonymous]

I used to volunteer a lot but have decided to donate $ instead because of the hyper competitive moms who just have way too much time on their hands. For parents who just want to get things done, the politics oftentimes get in the way and out of hand.

I've been in meetings where a PTA President would spend 3 hours discussing a topic which could have easily taken 15 minutes to resolve, and heard about her reprimanding another PTA member unreasonably, essentially because she didn't have full control over something she wanted to micro-manage.

Oftentimes the school administration can't do anything because they're just grateful for parents volunteering to hold PTA posts but there really should be a more selective process on finding the right PTA members. And perhaps it's because they haven't reinstated the PTA voting process due to the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

My high school so clearly didn’t want parent volunteers that it’s easy to drop out. Only problem is the few events needing help, like Open House.

My school used it as a diversity training area and placed utterly incompetent people in charge. Like forgetting to collect payments, etc. if that’s how it’s run perhaps it better be small.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

[Anonymous]

I just encountered a father handling food after putting his fingers in his mouth (…and who knows where else). It was the most disgusting thing I’ve seen from parents volunteering at this HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent volunteer positions are often poorly defined, have no accountability, and are filled by either the parents with the most social status or the ones who raised their hand for positions no one else wanted.

I’ve seen countless parents with no leadership skills in the highest leadership positions. These people can’t run a meeting, have no notion of facilitating teamwork or how to develop and support a team. They can’t delegate. They micromanage, scream, misuse their power, and act like 12-year-old mean girls and boys.

I’ve seen parents try to run the parent organization like it’s a fiefdom. A dad who tied to run it like a corporation with salaried employees.(That was pretty funny! ) I’ve seen them turn it into the “cool club.” I’ve heard racist, homophobic, fat-shaming, and looks-ist comments made about other volunteers.

Yes, volunteering can be a nightmare.

Most schools lack the organizational savvy and leadership themselves to deal with this mess. As long as there’s someone to step up they simply don’t care.

I try to help where I can and let the rest of the craziness roll off my back.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to volunteer a lot but have decided to donate $ instead because of the hyper competitive moms who just have way too much time on their hands. For parents who just want to get things done, the politics oftentimes get in the way and out of hand.

I've been in meetings where a PTA President would spend 3 hours discussing a topic which could have easily taken 15 minutes to resolve, and heard about her reprimanding another PTA member unreasonably, essentially because she didn't have full control over something she wanted to micro-manage.

Oftentimes the school administration can't do anything because they're just grateful for parents volunteering to hold PTA posts but there really should be a more selective process on finding the right PTA members. And perhaps it's because they haven't reinstated the PTA voting process due to the pandemic.

Our DS' school PTA president has been in post for I believe 3+ years, and they could really benefit from having a max term policy on these roles. Have seen this PTA president alienate a number of families during her time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

I did say correlation for a reason. It may be that families that are likely to volunteer are also likely to be highly involved in their child's academics in general and even if you just took out the part where the parents showed up and did something at school, the kids would still do as well. Nevertheless, the data is there (meta analysis: https://psycnet.apa.org/manuscript/2019-38879-001.pdf)

For example, school-based involvement, such as participation in parent-teacher conferences, open houses, and other school events, had a positive impact on academics in preschool, middle school, and high school, but the size of the impact was much lower in high school than in preschool. That may be because parents have fewer opportunities to be involved in the high school environment than in younger students’ classrooms where parents might volunteer.
....
Parent involvement has led to higher academic outcomes both for children from low and higher socioeconomic status families.

(https://www.edweek.org/leadership/does-parent-involvement-really-help-students-heres-what-the-research-says/2023/07)

There's also a bit in that EdWeek article about how being an involved parent helps you have social capital at school to navigate challenges. If you have other ways to build that social capital, then there's less need to be on-hand for PTO events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

I did say correlation for a reason. It may be that families that are likely to volunteer are also likely to be highly involved in their child's academics in general and even if you just took out the part where the parents showed up and did something at school, the kids would still do as well. Nevertheless, the data is there (meta analysis: https://psycnet.apa.org/manuscript/2019-38879-001.pdf)

For example, school-based involvement, such as participation in parent-teacher conferences, open houses, and other school events, had a positive impact on academics in preschool, middle school, and high school, but the size of the impact was much lower in high school than in preschool. That may be because parents have fewer opportunities to be involved in the high school environment than in younger students’ classrooms where parents might volunteer.
....
Parent involvement has led to higher academic outcomes both for children from low and higher socioeconomic status families.

(https://www.edweek.org/leadership/does-parent-involvement-really-help-students-heres-what-the-research-says/2023/07)

There's also a bit in that EdWeek article about how being an involved parent helps you have social capital at school to navigate challenges. If you have other ways to build that social capital, then there's less need to be on-hand for PTO events.

I can totally see that re building the social capital to navigate challenges. In some cases, we've seen power-seeking moms take these PTA roles as a way to get insider information which they see as an advantage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

In high school??? Goodness. No wonder kids are so unprepared for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

I did say correlation for a reason. It may be that families that are likely to volunteer are also likely to be highly involved in their child's academics in general and even if you just took out the part where the parents showed up and did something at school, the kids would still do as well. Nevertheless, the data is there (meta analysis: https://psycnet.apa.org/manuscript/2019-38879-001.pdf)

For example, school-based involvement, such as participation in parent-teacher conferences, open houses, and other school events, had a positive impact on academics in preschool, middle school, and high school, but the size of the impact was much lower in high school than in preschool. That may be because parents have fewer opportunities to be involved in the high school environment than in younger students’ classrooms where parents might volunteer.
....
Parent involvement has led to higher academic outcomes both for children from low and higher socioeconomic status families.

(https://www.edweek.org/leadership/does-parent-involvement-really-help-students-heres-what-the-research-says/2023/07)

There's also a bit in that EdWeek article about how being an involved parent helps you have social capital at school to navigate challenges. If you have other ways to build that social capital, then there's less need to be on-hand for PTO events.

I can totally see that re building the social capital to navigate challenges. In some cases, we've seen power-seeking moms take these PTA roles as a way to get insider information which they see as an advantage.

We’ve also seen parents with problem children take on these roles in the hopes that their bullying, rule-breaking, cheating kids won’t get expelled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parent volunteer positions are often poorly defined, have no accountability, and are filled by either the parents with the most social status or the ones who raised their hand for positions no one else wanted.

I’ve seen countless parents with no leadership skills in the highest leadership positions. These people can’t run a meeting, have no notion of facilitating teamwork or how to develop and support a team. They can’t delegate. They micromanage, scream, misuse their power, and act like 12-year-old mean girls and boys.

I’ve seen parents try to run the parent organization like it’s a fiefdom. A dad who tied to run it like a corporation with salaried employees.(That was pretty funny! ) I’ve seen them turn it into the “cool club.” I’ve heard racist, homophobic, fat-shaming, and looks-ist comments made about other volunteers.

Yes, volunteering can be a nightmare.

Most schools lack the organizational savvy and leadership themselves to deal with this mess. As long as there’s someone to step up they simply don’t care.

I try to help where I can and let the rest of the craziness roll off my back.

This is so true. Very few people actually have the skills and intellect to be a fair leader who provides clear enough structure and expectations to kill all the chaos. So, people go rogue and act insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My youngest is about to graduate from HS, and this month, about half a dozen parents have reached out to ask for advice/vent about other parent volunteers (Queen Bees) who have screamed at them, made them cry, returned their work for editing, gone rogue (we aren't doing snacks for the kids anymore-there is an obesity problem in this country and our kids are soft so let's not provide them or the opposite...let's have half-time catered....), and things of that nature. I've seen some texts and emails. Blown away by how people will say things to other parents (or within earshot of kids) that they would get fired for at work (or promoted if they work in a toxic environment).

Do your schools have any kind of training or guidelines or hierarchy for volunteering?

Parents have told me they plan to call the school faculty to complain about their negative experiences volunteering and it seems like a complete and utter waste of school resources to have the adults whose programs they want to support to mediate conflicts among 40, 50 and 60-year olds.

I assume a lot of you volunteer with people who are used to being the decision-maker or who delegate down a lot.
What have your experiences been?

Been at two different schools - one school admin selects parent volunteers carefully and other one allows the parents to self select themselves and their friends. Guess which one has a smoother nicer experience?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

You sound ridiculous. Most of the SAHMs I know have masters, law, or doctorate degrees. They are actually successful and wealthy enough to afford to stay home. I am one of these parents. I worked when younger but am wealthy enough to be able to stay at home with my kids in my late 30's and on as I always wanted to do. Most of the moms I know still working in their 50's and 60's can not afford to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The frequent attacks on the entire concept of volunteering at a school is one of the more surprising parts of DCUM.

Especially given the correlation between parent volunteering and child academic/life success.

I find this difficult to believe. Surely parental education level and income matters more? And highly educated, highly employed parents are not volunteering as much as SAHMs with a BA or even less.

You sound ridiculous. Most of the SAHMs I know have masters, law, or doctorate degrees. They are actually successful and wealthy enough to afford to stay home. I am one of these parents. I worked when younger but am wealthy enough to be able to stay at home with my kids in my late 30's and on as I always wanted to do. Most of the moms I know still working in their 50's and 60's can not afford to stay home.

Man, your over-the-top frantic defensiveness is wild. There was nothing that the PP said that warranted a response like this. Incredible.