What’s the correct etiquette here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is not about you and your boyfriend. This is your friend’s birthday. Do not be rude and ask to bring him.

+1

Tell your boyfriend that you cannot take him, but will introduce him to them another time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Can we bring dates? I have a serious boyfriend I'd love for you to all meet."

+1, love this.

This person may not know you were in a serious relationship. If they knew, its possible they would have extended the invite anyways (at least that is actual proper etiquette, we know not everyone follows that).

I disagree, I think. Maybe if you know it’s a date function and the host just didn’t know about yours? Maaaybe. But if you didn’t get a plus one, you shouldn’t ask to add one.

Because honestly OP this isn’t a huge deal. Go solo, enjoy, and throw your own party where you can introduce the boyfriend.

Perhaps since it started as a casual thing, there was no formal invite and no indication if +1s were included or not. Asking is not a crime.

Op didn’t ask if it was a crime. She asked about the etiquette of asking.

[Anonymous]

Perhaps this has been mentioned, but you could also bring it up in conversation that you have a serious boyfriend and see if the host offers to include him. I had a friend who asked for her boyfriend to come to my wedding and it was a week or two away. It was a complex issue - they had dated, broken up because he was married, and then gotten together when he got separated. She had rsvp’d for one because they were broken up at the time. I love her so I said yes right away and we all had a great time.

[Anonymous]

Generally invites come with RSVP counts.
If yours did not, then I’d ask the hostess if this event allows for +1.

If she says no, then no it is. Don’t try to persuade her to allow +1. She might feel pressured to say yes.

If she says yes, then sure, bring em and make sure you give him a lay of the land of who is who.

[Anonymous]

Faux pas, OP. Asking puts host on the spot, and it can be hard to accommodate an extra at a seated dinner.

The best you can do is tell your friend that you have a serious bf now, and you can't wait for everyone to meet him. Say you're not sure of the seating, but any chance you could bring him to meet everyone. Totally understand if there isn't enough seating.

This might give her enough room to decline gracefully if it's not going to work for her.

[Anonymous]

You’ve been friends with this person for decades? Etiquette isnt really the question here. What does your relationship dictate? Can you just call the person up and explain the situation and ask exactly what you asked here? This doesn’t seem hard. People screw up. Just talk to your friend. Don’t ask the DCUM crowd who all think they’re Emily Post.

[Anonymous]

The etiquette here is you don’t bring someone to a party unless they are invited. You don’t ask the host if you can bring an uninvited guest. You fix this by telling the bf you jumped the gun and you don’t have a plus 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Even if it's a casual evening, you'd still ask, no?

Never!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Can we bring dates? I have a serious boyfriend I'd love for you to all meet."

+1, love this.

This person may not know you were in a serious relationship. If they knew, its possible they would have extended the invite anyways (at least that is actual proper etiquette, we know not everyone follows that).

Right, they don’t know and if they had I think they would have invited. However at this juncture is it rude of me to tell them and ask at the same time?

Yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[i]Generally invites come with RSVP counts. [b]
If yours did not, then I’d ask the hostess if this event allows for +1.

If she says no, then no it is. Don’t try to persuade her to allow +1. She might feel pressured to say yes.

If she says yes, then sure, bring em and make sure you give him a lay of the land of who is who.

It sounds like a text invite to meet for dinner, not a wedding.

[Anonymous]

just ask

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely not.

This.
Just explain to new BF that it's formal and you over stepped by asking him before finding out more. Say nothing to your friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not about you and your boyfriend. This is your friend’s birthday. Do not be rude and ask to bring him.

+1

Tell your boyfriend that you cannot take him, but will introduce him to them another time.

Yeah, I think you need to walk this back, OP. You are the one who erred, so the discomfort should fall upon you, not your friend, the birthday girl.

[Anonymous]

I'm fascinated by this friendship where you don't talk at all except at these get togethers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Can we bring dates? I have a serious boyfriend I'd love for you to all meet."

+1, love this.

This person may not know you were in a serious relationship. If they knew, its possible they would have extended the invite anyways (at least that is actual proper etiquette, we know not everyone follows that).

I disagree, I think. Maybe if you know it’s a date function and the host just didn’t know about yours? Maaaybe. But if you didn’t get a plus one, you shouldn’t ask to add one.

Because honestly OP this isn’t a huge deal. Go solo, enjoy, and throw your own party where you can introduce the boyfriend.

Perhaps since it started as a casual thing, there was no formal invite and no indication if +1s were included or not. Asking is not a crime.

OP. This is the situation. There is no formal invitation.