What’s the correct etiquette here?
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Anonymous
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Invited serious boyfriend along to friend’s bday dinner that was previously described as casual.
Most recent update email now describes venue to be an ultra high end restaurant. I hadn’t asked the host about bf/+1 yet bc it was previously not a big cost for me (or them) to absorb. I would like them to meet each other and this seemed like a good occasion. For reference they are .01% wealthy, not that that really matters for the answer. I am thinking of handling by asking host if I can bring a +1 at my own expense? What is the least tacky way to fix this? I get that I should have asked host first before inviting BF to what I was originally told would be a casual evening. |
Anonymous
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Even if it's a casual evening, you'd still ask, no?
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Anonymous
| "Can we bring dates? I have a serious boyfriend I'd love for you to all meet." |
Anonymous
| Well you should have asked even when it was just casual. It seems weird they know you have a serious boyfriend and didn't extend the invite to him too from the start |
Anonymous
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I'm of the opinion that you don't ask your friend if you could bring a date. Even if you offer to cover his dinner, it's an imposition and they're bound to say yes bring him, then secretly resent you for putting them in this awkward position.
I'd introduce the bf to them on a separate occasion. |
Anonymous
| Absolutely not. |
Anonymous
+1, love this. This person may not know you were in a serious relationship. If they knew, its possible they would have extended the invite anyways (at least that is actual proper etiquette, we know not everyone follows that). |
Anonymous
| Is this a hosted dinner? Or a "let's all take Annie out for her birthday" situation? |
Anonymous
| Idk OP, even for the casual dinner I’m not sure about asking to bring a date. Maybe if you know lots of other boyfriends are invited and she’s just not aware of yours. But even then I lean no. The cost of the dinner isn’t the factor that’s important, the important part is you don’t invite additional guests to someone else’s party unless they’ve volunteered that they want you to. |
Anonymous
I disagree, I think. Maybe if you know it’s a date function and the host just didn’t know about yours? Maaaybe. But if you didn’t get a plus one, you shouldn’t ask to add one. Because honestly OP this isn’t a huge deal. Go solo, enjoy, and throw your own party where you can introduce the boyfriend. |
Anonymous
| Casual or formal I definitely would have asked first if I wasn’t the one or part of the group hosting. That was your first faux pas. Because now you have to ask, and you put the host in an awkward position if you tell them youve already invited the bf but even then if you don’t tell that fact and the answer is no, you have to recind the bf. |
Anonymous
| I prefer “Are people bringing +1s?” To “”Can we bring dates?”—The latter might make your host feel pressured to say yes. |
Anonymous
| You shouldn't be inviting a +1 to someone's birthday. They shouldn't have to have strangers at their birthday dinner. Find another time to introduce him to your friends. |
Anonymous
I'm the person who suggest "Can we bring dates" and agree that this wording is better and should be done instead of what I initially suggested. |
Anonymous
They don’t know. We are friends of decades but live in different cities and only visit intermittently, albeit for all important occasions. That’s when we do our catching up. |