What’s the correct etiquette here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm of the opinion that you don't ask your friend if you could bring a date. Even if you offer to cover his dinner, it's an imposition and they're bound to say yes bring him, then secretly resent you for putting them in this awkward position.

I'd introduce the bf to them on a separate occasion.

Right this is my concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Can we bring dates? I have a serious boyfriend I'd love for you to all meet."

+1, love this.

This person may not know you were in a serious relationship. If they knew, its possible they would have extended the invite anyways (at least that is actual proper etiquette, we know not everyone follows that).

Right, they don’t know and if they had I think they would have invited. However at this juncture is it rude of me to tell them and ask at the same time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this a hosted dinner? Or a "let's all take Annie out for her birthday" situation?

It’s at least $200 a head (the chefs menu is $350 pp) so I’m assuming hosted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Can we bring dates? I have a serious boyfriend I'd love for you to all meet."

+1, love this.

This person may not know you were in a serious relationship. If they knew, its possible they would have extended the invite anyways (at least that is actual proper etiquette, we know not everyone follows that).

Right, they don’t know and if they had I think they would have invited. However at this juncture is it rude of me to tell them and ask at the same time?

Very rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk OP, even for the casual dinner I’m not sure about asking to bring a date. Maybe if you know lots of other boyfriends are invited and she’s just not aware of yours. But even then I lean no. The cost of the dinner isn’t the factor that’s important, the important part is you don’t invite additional guests to someone else’s party unless they’ve volunteered that they want you to.

Everyone else is long term married or long term single (as I was).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk OP, even for the casual dinner I’m not sure about asking to bring a date. Maybe if you know lots of other boyfriends are invited and she’s just not aware of yours. But even then I lean no. The cost of the dinner isn’t the factor that’s important, the important part is you don’t invite additional guests to someone else’s party unless they’ve volunteered that they want you to.

Everyone else is long term married or long term single (as I was).

The answer is no. That’s it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well you should have asked even when it was just casual. It seems weird they know you have a serious boyfriend and didn't extend the invite to him too from the start

They don’t know. We are friends of decades but live in different cities and only visit intermittently, albeit for all important occasions. That’s when we do our catching up.

Don’t bring your new BF to the dinner. See if you can introduce them at coffee or drinks during the weekend of the party.

[Anonymous]

This is not about you and your boyfriend. This is your friend’s birthday. Do not be rude and ask to bring him.

[Anonymous]

If you’re good friends that go way back and don’t get together frequently, then they likely didn’t know and didn’t exclude him on purpose. If other committed couples are invited, I don’t see any problem with letting them know that you’re looking forward to catching up, you’re in a relationship, and you would love for them to meet him.

But do you REALLY want to take him? will he know anyone else? Will you be reminiscing all night and he might be bored? Or you might have to explain stories and inside jokes all night?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Can we bring dates? I have a serious boyfriend I'd love for you to all meet."

+1, love this.

This person may not know you were in a serious relationship. If they knew, its possible they would have extended the invite anyways (at least that is actual proper etiquette, we know not everyone follows that).

Right, they don’t know and if they had I think they would have invited. However at this juncture is it rude of me to tell them and ask at the same time?

yes it is rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re good friends that go way back and don’t get together frequently, then they likely didn’t know and didn’t exclude him on purpose. If other committed couples are invited, I don’t see any problem with letting them know that you’re looking forward to catching up, you’re in a relationship, and you would love for them to meet him.

But do you REALLY want to take him? will he know anyone else? Will you be reminiscing all night and he might be bored? Or you might have to explain stories and inside jokes all night?

They absolutely didn’t exclude him on purpose; they don’t know he exists. Re: his fitting in, no it won’t be that way; I only know the other people there through many decades of getting together exclusively in the context of these mutual friends. We are very familiar, friendly and comfortable with the other guests but don’t have independent relationships with any of them. Conversations are usually idea-driven not shared-history driven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re good friends that go way back and don’t get together frequently, then they likely didn’t know and didn’t exclude him on purpose. If other committed couples are invited, I don’t see any problem with letting them know that you’re looking forward to catching up, you’re in a relationship, and you would love for them to meet him.

But do you REALLY want to take him? will he know anyone else? Will you be reminiscing all night and he might be bored? Or you might have to explain stories and inside jokes all night?

If other committed couples are invited, they know them well enough to include. Don’t give bad advice.

[Anonymous]

I really wish there were a subject forum heading here dedicated to entertaining, hosting and etiquette.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re good friends that go way back and don’t get together frequently, then they likely didn’t know and didn’t exclude him on purpose. If other committed couples are invited, I don’t see any problem with letting them know that you’re looking forward to catching up, you’re in a relationship, and you would love for them to meet him.

But do you REALLY want to take him? will he know anyone else? Will you be reminiscing all night and he might be bored? Or you might have to explain stories and inside jokes all night?

They absolutely didn’t exclude him on purpose; they don’t know he exists. Re: his fitting in, no it won’t be that way; I only know the other people there through many decades of getting together exclusively in the context of these mutual friends. We are very familiar, friendly and comfortable with the other guests but don’t have independent relationships with any of them. Conversations are usually idea-driven not shared-history driven.

Okay, now it’s easy to see that you are troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Can we bring dates? I have a serious boyfriend I'd love for you to all meet."

+1, love this.

This person may not know you were in a serious relationship. If they knew, its possible they would have extended the invite anyways (at least that is actual proper etiquette, we know not everyone follows that).

I disagree, I think. Maybe if you know it’s a date function and the host just didn’t know about yours? Maaaybe. But if you didn’t get a plus one, you shouldn’t ask to add one.

Because honestly OP this isn’t a huge deal. Go solo, enjoy, and throw your own party where you can introduce the boyfriend.

Perhaps since it started as a casual thing, there was no formal invite and no indication if +1s were included or not. Asking is not a crime.