DH Ignoring Personal Health
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Anonymous
This seems very extreme. There is not abuse, adultery or addiction. OP, try Gottman based couples counseling and individual counseling to manage your anxiety level, CBT or DBT, not just talk therapy. https://www.choosingtherapy.com/gottman-method/ https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-guide/cbt-for-anxiety |
Anonymous
|
Do you like him? It doesn’t sound like you like him.
Hard to get someone to take input from a place of contempt. |
Anonymous
OP are you worried or do you want out? You say you have fairly recently taken up fitness yourself. Prior to that, how did DH treat you? Are you sure that your anxiety is not focused on DH's activity rather than midlife angst, approaching empty nest, etc? Bc it seems like you may be on a path to being alone all the time. You are working to create what you claim you don't want by avoiding emotional intimacy with your DH. Per Gottman, contempt is one of the 4 horsemen of divorce. Figure out what you want and have your actions match. |
Anonymous
He "can't keep up with you," huh, OP?
From Gottman link. Gray divorce and likely always alone or learn to love the husband you have, which will it be, OP? Your husband sounds thoughtful of you. You share a child and a history. Maybe that is worth valuing? |
Anonymous
| Just imagine the reaction here if some DH said "my wife is fat and out of shape, I'm going to divorce her". |
Anonymous
Well op didn’t say that . She is worried and frustrated. I’d address sleep issue first since it can impact everything. If he has apnea it’s a serious health issue that weight loss can address…perhaps doc will be able to get spouse to focus on that and offer strategies (or meds). |
Anonymous
OP didn’t say that but it’s what a lot of responses are suggesting she consider. |
Anonymous
| Why make it a man/woman issue, it's universal and can go either way geez...IMO whether the wife or the hubby what IS "abusive" to me is ignoring your health to the point you end up with debilitating issues that could have been prevented and now your spouse has to take care of you 24/7 long before the golden years when things really do start slowing down for the both of you. |
Anonymous
| In my DH’s case, seeing the dr was a needed wake up call. I pointed out how sky high his cholesterol level is, and this shocked him into cleaning up his diet dramatically. |
Anonymous
That is not a traditional definition of abuse. If you want out, do it. We can't control other people. And you may find your own health or mobility tanking, maybe even for reasons beyond your control. But you will alone, because you could not process your anxiety around not being able to control other people. |
Anonymous
| I can relate to OP. Debilitating health problems can happen regardless of any efforts we make to prevent them, but it is frustrating and upsetting when your loved one makes little or no effort and does the things known to cause health problems. |
Anonymous
They don't love their spouses. |
Anonymous
| Separate bedrooms so you can sleep. |
Anonymous
OP says they do this, upthread. |