PSA: Men Are Capable Adults

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PSA: Of course they are, because otherwise you UMC lifestyle with reduced (or zero) work hours would not exist. So be grateful he brought you along for the ride.

+1

DH makes a lot of money and I’m ok doing more of the work at home. There is no way I could make as much as he does, even if I was leaning in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:WTF is going on. The rudeness started early in this thread. In the spirit of this thread, all of you can be polite in on anonymous, online forum!

Come on, this was never a real thread. I'm surprised it's been this tame so far.

I don't like any of the rudeness -it's just unneccessary to call names and insult people.

[Anonymous]

I agree. I'm much happier being a partner, rather than a mother, to DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I'm much happier being a partner, rather than a mother, to DH.

Op here. Thanks for understanding. I feel like so many people need to view men as equals from the beginning. You want an equal, be an equal, treat him as an equal.

If you trash talk your husband's competence don't be surprised when he lives up to your expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I'm much happier being a partner, rather than a mother, to DH.

Op here. Thanks for understanding. I feel like so many people need to view men as equals from the beginning. You want an equal, be an equal, treat him as an equal.

If you trash talk your husband's competence don't be surprised when he lives up to your expectations.

Nobody starts out trash talking their DH’s competence. They earn it by not acting remotely like equals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I'm much happier being a partner, rather than a mother, to DH.

Op here. Thanks for understanding. I feel like so many people need to view men as equals from the beginning. You want an equal, be an equal, treat him as an equal.

If you trash talk your husband's competence don't be surprised when he lives up to your expectations.

Nobody starts out trash talking their DH’s competence. They earn it by not acting remotely like equals.

Do you make sure they get equal time with the newborn?

[Anonymous]

My husband is very capable. Last fall I took a week long business trip and he was in charge of our three young kids. They were in school and day care and he works away from home. He got them where they needed to be and he didn’t forget to pick them up. I’d call home and he’d say everything was fine which I didn’t believe. When I got home late on Friday the house was clean, the laundry all done and the children were sound asleep. I was convinced he had hired people to do everything but he hadn’t. When I asked him how did he do it he said he had planned every day out, on paper, and then he executed his plan. He showed it to me and from 6am until 9pm (except when he was at work) he had everything laid out. He said if he hadn’t had a plan he would have gone nuts forgetting something. He’s always pulled his weight, more or less, but this was over the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So...these "capable adults" need to be parented like children by their wives?

Thanks for the advice.

+10000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I'm much happier being a partner, rather than a mother, to DH.

Op here. Thanks for understanding. I feel like so many people need to view men as equals from the beginning. You want an equal, be an equal, treat him as an equal.

If you trash talk your husband's competence don't be surprised when he lives up to your expectations.

Nobody starts out trash talking their DH’s competence. They earn it by not acting remotely like equals.

Do you make sure they get equal time with the newborn?

lol. why would it be my job to “make sure he gets equal time” with his own child!!! but no, despite all opportunities, he consistently declined to take equal time at all stages of child rearing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband is very capable. Last fall I took a week long business trip and he was in charge of our three young kids. They were in school and day care and he works away from home. He got them where they needed to be and he didn’t forget to pick them up. I’d call home and he’d say everything was fine which I didn’t believe. When I got home late on Friday the house was clean, the laundry all done and the children were sound asleep. I was convinced he had hired people to do everything but he hadn’t. When I asked him how did he do it he said he had planned every day out, on paper, and then he executed his plan. He showed it to me and from 6am until 9pm (except when he was at work) he had everything laid out. He said if he hadn’t had a plan he would have gone nuts forgetting something. He’s always pulled his weight, more or less, but this was over the top.

dang girl! you got a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I'm much happier being a partner, rather than a mother, to DH.

Op here. Thanks for understanding. I feel like so many people need to view men as equals from the beginning. You want an equal, be an equal, treat him as an equal.

If you trash talk your husband's competence don't be surprised when he lives up to your expectations.

Nobody starts out trash talking their DH’s competence. They earn it by not acting remotely like equals.

Do you make sure they get equal time with the newborn?

lol. why would it be my job to “make sure he gets equal time” with his own child!!! but no, despite all opportunities, he consistently declined to take equal time at all stages of child rearing.

My point is, he doesn't have a choice. Letting him decline isn't treating him as an equal.

[Anonymous]

if i was the high earning woman i would get a maid. men typically "help" with the housework, so they contribute maybe 20% of the work of it.

if my man was the high earner, i would also get a maid. there is plenty to do even if a maid does some of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I'm much happier being a partner, rather than a mother, to DH.

Op here. Thanks for understanding. I feel like so many people need to view men as equals from the beginning. You want an equal, be an equal, treat him as an equal.

If you trash talk your husband's competence don't be surprised when he lives up to your expectations.

Nobody starts out trash talking their DH’s competence. They earn it by not acting remotely like equals.

Do you make sure they get equal time with the newborn?

My DH was plainly capable of stepping and deciding for himself if he wanted to change diapers, feed DC, etc. Just as he is plainly capable of doing many other household chores. Sometimes he does, sometimes I have to treat him like a kid and make him. It's not my role to force him to choose when he's going to act like an equal or not. (And FTR, most of the time he does so I'm not complaining about my DH.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree. I'm much happier being a partner, rather than a mother, to DH.

Op here. Thanks for understanding. I feel like so many people need to view men as equals from the beginning. You want an equal, be an equal, treat him as an equal.

If you trash talk your husband's competence don't be surprised when he lives up to your expectations.

Nobody starts out trash talking their DH’s competence. They earn it by not acting remotely like equals.

Do you make sure they get equal time with the newborn?

lol. why would it be my job to “make sure he gets equal time” with his own child!!! but no, despite all opportunities, he consistently declined to take equal time at all stages of child rearing.

My point is, he doesn't have a choice. Letting him decline isn't treating him as an equal.

That makes zero sense. The only way I am “letting him decline” is by not forcing the issue and telling him to do it/fighting about it. As if he were a middle school child shirking chores. The whole premise here is that women shouldn’t treat men like children but what are we supposed to do when they “decline” to do what an equal would do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:if i was the high earning woman i would get a maid. men typically "help" with the housework, so they contribute maybe 20% of the work of it.

if my man was the high earner, i would also get a maid. there is plenty to do even if a maid does some of it.

It's not that we do equal amounts, but that we are equally capable, and equally responsible in theory.