Housewife? What’s the best way to tell people what I “do for work”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Due to many different circumstances, most nobody’s business (for the sake of this post, I stopped working after experiencing severe postpartum depression, and since DH could and can fully support us comfortably, I haven’t gone back and don’t really want to right now) I am a housewife now that my children are in school full-time, and have been for a couple years.

*I am posting this with sincerity, so please be polite with me!

I never know what to say when new people ask what I do for a living. Or, I do, but it always seems to make things awkward or makes people (both men and women, though in different ways) very defensive (“I could never do that! What do you do all day? Aren’t you bored? I’d lose my mind and go insane.”) Part of me wants to tell these women I WAS sort of insane, certifiably, and that’s why stopped working, but why start a fight? I always just let them spew their thoughts in my direction because it’s easier, but I’m sort of sick of it.

I’m sick of explaining why I haven’t gone back to work now that my kids are in school. Sick of trying to sugar coat why I stopped working. Sick of explaining to people that I do find fulfillment in other ways. REALLY tired of the people who try and tell me how THEY would feel.

Does anyone have any advice? What would YOU want to hear from me?

Just say "I am not working at the moment". No one will care enough to ask a follow up question.

Np. Because that sounds like you were fired and sad about it. I don’t think that’s the response you should give.

[Anonymous]

I usually say "I'm not working at the moment." That takes the forever status out of it and most people can imagine caregiver responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't sweat this. People don't care as much as you think they do.

If career as identity is important to you, you can say "I was in arts management and my degree is in art history. But I stopped doing that in 2017 and pivoted to being with the kids more."


The SAHMs that are irritating are the ones who are "I am so so so busy! PTA this! Carpool that! Laundry! Birthday party! I'm busy!" as if all moms aren't busy with those things. Who cares. It's not the SAHM that's irksome, it's the insecurity and competitive nature of some SAHMs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I meet lots of SAHM’s and don’t think twice about it. I do wonder what they do with seemingly much greater amounts of time available but don’t ask.

+1 I doubt that people are being this rude when they meet OP. She just sounds insecure. Not sure what PPD has to do with SAHM for school age kids. It was just a detail that made me feel like OP feels very defensive about her choices.

[Anonymous]

The main thing is to just be at peace with yourself. If you are, those comments and questions won’t bother you (at least most of the time).

Becoming a SAHM was really humbling in many ways, but on the other side of that I’m just happy and humble so it could be a lot worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I meet lots of SAHM’s and don’t think twice about it. I do wonder what they do with seemingly much greater amounts of time available but don’t ask.

I think it’s very time consuming to keep the house super clean and organized, cook great meals and manage the outdoor landscaping too. Im not sure why that can’t be a full time job. (I WOH but I know what I’d do if I didn’t work!)

I have only wondered about some of my sahm neighbors whose lives are always so disorganized (and I mean like 15 loads of laundry piled high in their laundry room). Maybe they’d be better off working so they could hire a cleaning lady and a lawn guy. My neighbors son really wanted to go to preschool too and they couldn’t afford it.

Just own it op. If you don’t need to work, that’s a wonderful luxury for your family. As long as it’s to the benefit of your family and not the detriment, you’re golden.

To each their own because I consider being a SAHM to be a wonderful privilege and I’d hate to blow it on keeping my house and lawn super tidy.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been a SAHM for nearly 20 years and I gave up a demanding career. I started out caring for a high needs baby, then my elderly parents. I thought about returning to work, but being at home was best for me and my entire family. Now, I sometimes tell people I’m retired since I’m in my 50’s. Do I regret staying home? Sometimes. Mostly, it’s been amazing.

[Anonymous]

"I don't work" is all you need to say. Respond to all questions with vague answers, because that's all they deserve for being so rude.

"Don't you get bored all day?" --> No, I always find something to occupy my time
"What do you do all day?" --> I always have so much to do, I don't know how you fit it all in PLUS work full time. You must be going crazy!! (because they probably are).

-I work full time, I don't judge people for staying home.

[Anonymous]

"I work out of the home."

"I work form home."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I meet lots of SAHM’s and don’t think twice about it. I do wonder what they do with seemingly much greater amounts of time available but don’t ask.

+1 I doubt that people are being this rude when they meet OP. She just sounds insecure. Not sure what PPD has to do with SAHM for school age kids. It was just a detail that made me feel like OP feels very defensive about her choices.

No I have met this people in real life. One person when I told them I was a sahm actually turned their back on me and ended the conversation.

[Anonymous]

“I’m at home.” If they press or say something obnoxious, I tell them DH has a crazy job w travel and this is how our family works best. I don’t share the other circumstances that are none of their business.

[Anonymous]

Just get a little hustle in the side. It's good to have anyway just in case.

I say "I'm a yoga teacher" because I am and have been. Then if they say where, I say private clients only. Which is true. End of conversation.

Some people say "I have an online business". If they ask what you sell "vintage clothes" or "health supplements".

Or you could say you're a writer working on a book.

I love being a homemaker but I know I have other talents beside that.

Just smile and be happy that you don't have a boss bothering you.

IMO it sounds more like you have an insecurity about what people think about you. What do YOU think about you?

[Anonymous]

I’ve spent the middle half my time as a mom at home with the kids and the other ~half in a high pressure career at the front and back (when kids were babies and tweens+). I honestly don’t remember these types of comments. If you are totally comfortable with your choice, these questions just don’t mean anything to you. Own it and embrace it (either way!).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I meet lots of SAHM’s and don’t think twice about it. I do wonder what they do with seemingly much greater amounts of time available but don’t ask.

Hobbies. Same things you do in your free time, they just have more of it.

Instead of paying people to cook or clean, I do it myself the way I like it. It does take time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't sweat this. People don't care as much as you think they do.

If career as identity is important to you, you can say "I was in arts management and my degree is in art history. But I stopped doing that in 2017 and pivoted to being with the kids more."


The SAHMs that are irritating are the ones who are "I am so so so busy! PTA this! Carpool that! Laundry! Birthday party! I'm busy!" as if all moms aren't busy with those things. Who cares. It's not the SAHM that's irksome, it's the insecurity and competitive nature of some SAHMs.

+1 on this. They are just trying to make conversation.

So, like PP said, you can bring up the career you paused, if you enjoyed/cared about it, & talk about that.

You could also say that you stopped working a few years ago to focus on your children, & ____ (whatever hobby you are enjoying right now, or volunteering or whatever).

Having been a SAHM & working mom, I try to have 1 personal thing I can talk about (that is not my children or my work). It’s been volunteering with a specific cause, gardening, home renovation, etc. It could be anything - quilting, fostering dogs, following a certain sports team, reading, hiking- no matter how tangential to your actual life, it is just useful to have something you can chat genially about.

People are just trying to connect with you via any path - & what you do for a living is a widely accepted path. Give them another entry point for connection. (If you want to make a connection. No shame in saying I’m doing the SAHM thing right now - I know that is a lot of work. I’m just suggesting options if you want to make conversation a little easier & want to make a connection with a person.)