Housewife? What’s the best way to tell people what I “do for work”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are just making conversation (poorly) because it is rare to meet a homemaker in many circles these days.

Just say confidently that you are a SAHM and ignore any impolite comments.

It is a privilege to have this option to SAH and some people may be jealous. Ignore and change the subject.

I agree with this. Just say you're a SAHM. If you do any volunteering, you could mention it as a follow-up just as a conversation starter.

Many educated professional working moms like me had stay-at-home moms. So, I don't think you can assume people are going to judge you. Maybe be a bit mystified but I think in general people recognize it as a bit of a luxury as well as a lifestyle choice. I'm not jealous of other people's houses, cars, or vacations so I'm not jealous of whether they work or not.

You can also divert attention from anything about yourself by asking about the working mom's job and being interested in it for awhile.

This site's mod says the SAHM vs. working mom debate has really died down on this site. I find that kind of true in life. I am a Gen X parent of teens. I don't run across any bad dynamics. I have a few male colleagues who have SAHMs and I feel a bit quizzical but I accept it as a just a life choice. And I like these families. I would never want to offend any of these people by being awkward or judgy. Mainly we talk about kid tips and life hacks. I know these women are my "equals". They just do different things with their time. I wouldn't be where I am today without having been raised with great care by a stay-at-home mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to many different circumstances, most nobody’s business (for the sake of this post, I stopped working after experiencing severe postpartum depression, and since DH could and can fully support us comfortably, I haven’t gone back and don’t really want to right now) I am a housewife now that my children are in school full-time, and have been for a couple years.

*I am posting this with sincerity, so please be polite with me!

I never know what to say when new people ask what I do for a living. Or, I do, but it always seems to make things awkward or makes people (both men and women, though in different ways) very defensive (“I could never do that! What do you do all day? Aren’t you bored? I’d lose my mind and go insane.”) Part of me wants to tell these women I WAS sort of insane, certifiably, and that’s why stopped working, but why start a fight? I always just let them spew their thoughts in my direction because it’s easier, but I’m sort of sick of it.

I’m sick of explaining why I haven’t gone back to work now that my kids are in school. Sick of trying to sugar coat why I stopped working. Sick of explaining to people that I do find fulfillment in other ways. REALLY tired of the people who try and tell me how THEY would feel.

Does anyone have any advice? What would YOU want to hear from me?

I have been in your shoes. I stopped working when my youngest was a year old, and now that kid is in college. I am financially well off and I will never go back to work. I have been subject to the above bolded reactions and I have always said "Oh, I love being home with the kids. I don't get bored or insane. I really enjoy having a lot of leisure time to devote to my pet causes and hobbies. I don't miss the office or working out of home. " These were the response when my kids were still at home.

Now, that I am a stay at home wife and my filters are off, my response to "Do you think you will go back to work?" is "Nope. I am not that stupid!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking care of the kids for now

“Aren’t they in school now?”

"There's lots to keep me busy"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking care of the kids for now

“Aren’t they in school now?”

"Yes, it's nice to have that free time. Sure beats the office!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a stay at home parent, I mange the house and kids keep me very busy!

If they are not rude then say
How about you, do you enjoy what you do?

If they are rude you say "I could never do office work EVER again blarrrrrrrrrrr !"...never in my life, it would kill me! NO. literally! Yuck...not in million years :=) until they shut up, and they will.

+1
I have done exactly this for 18 years and it has been very successful response.

However, IRL, there has only been lower SES WOHMs who have been DCUM aggressive about the work status. And I have mostly met them through my kid's school activities.

UMC and above SES women/men have been extremely neutral about my work status. Most of my closest friends have been extremely accomplished professional WOHMs.

[Anonymous]

I just say I’m home now. No need to explain further.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize, OP.

I have health issues which I do not want to reveal to all and sundry, and therefore I use a very objective reason as to why I stay home: I am on a spouse visa which does not allow me a work permit (some do, this one doesn't). But the truth is, if I had a work permit, Green card or citizenship, I might not be able to work full-time anyway.

I do feel insecure about this because I am surrounded by women who either never stopped working when they had kids, or who have since returned to full time employment. Everyone is polite, but I have occasionally sensed an undercurrent of judgment when they learn I don't work, which is why I am now a little wary of having that discussion with new people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Taking care of the kids for now

“Aren’t they in school now?”

"Your point?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful that I never meet drama queens like OP in real life.

OP no one cares if you’re a SAHM, you’re tye only one making a big deal out of it.

This is unfair. People ask all the time and I struggled with what to say when my kids were younger.

People like pp are mean and don't get it but these questions are rude.

I don't have an answer but I get what ypu are saying op

[Anonymous]

I meet lots of SAHM’s and don’t think twice about it. I do wonder what they do with seemingly much greater amounts of time available but don’t ask.

[Anonymous]

Assume they are just making conversation, trying to find common ground. Tell them you are enjoying being home with the kids now
after ___x career/speciality degree if you have one OR the first half plus whatever else interest you have that they can then latch on to talk with you about or further the conversation.

I still cringe at how when I was a naive 25yo I asked a SAHM very similar questions with the follow up of “but what do you do all day” and it was because I was that clueless. I am now someone who is both a SAHM and an advanced degree holder who isn’t using it for paid work and does significant volunteer work for a non-profit in addition to being the primary parent/household manager.

My youngest started school this year and people ask me all the time when am I going “back to work” and it makes me want to pull my hair out because I absolutely work harder than many people I know in my unpaid labor. My Dh’s job IS such that the hours are long with unpredictable travel that for me to imagine adding a paid career in would mean significantly outsourcing childcare and household work. Doable of course, but I’m good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I meet lots of SAHM’s and don’t think twice about it. I do wonder what they do with seemingly much greater amounts of time available but don’t ask.

Hobbies. Same things you do in your free time, they just have more of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thankful that I never meet drama queens like OP in real life.

OP no one cares if you’re a SAHM, you’re tye only one making a big deal out of it.

This is unfair. People ask all the time and I struggled with what to say when my kids were younger.

People like pp are mean and don't get it but these questions are rude.

I don't have an answer but I get what ypu are saying op

I agree. I can't possibly see how someone could not fathom that these statements (“I could never do that! What do you do all day? Aren’t you bored? I’d lose my mind and go insane.”) are rude and uncomfortable. It certainly doesn't make the OP a drama queen.

The funny thing is you could legitimately ask those questions of most office workers. I'm not a SAHM but it's easy to imagine what they do and that it is a lot more eventful than many office jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Due to many different circumstances, most nobody’s business (for the sake of this post, I stopped working after experiencing severe postpartum depression, and since DH could and can fully support us comfortably, I haven’t gone back and don’t really want to right now) I am a housewife now that my children are in school full-time, and have been for a couple years.

*I am posting this with sincerity, so please be polite with me!

I never know what to say when new people ask what I do for a living. Or, I do, but it always seems to make things awkward or makes people (both men and women, though in different ways) very defensive (“I could never do that! What do you do all day? Aren’t you bored? I’d lose my mind and go insane.”) Part of me wants to tell these women I WAS sort of insane, certifiably, and that’s why stopped working, but why start a fight? I always just let them spew their thoughts in my direction because it’s easier, but I’m sort of sick of it.

I’m sick of explaining why I haven’t gone back to work now that my kids are in school. Sick of trying to sugar coat why I stopped working. Sick of explaining to people that I do find fulfillment in other ways. REALLY tired of the people who try and tell me how THEY would feel.

Does anyone have any advice? What would YOU want to hear from me?

Just say "I am not working at the moment". No one will care enough to ask a follow up question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I meet lots of SAHM’s and don’t think twice about it. I do wonder what they do with seemingly much greater amounts of time available but don’t ask.

I think it’s very time consuming to keep the house super clean and organized, cook great meals and manage the outdoor landscaping too. Im not sure why that can’t be a full time job. (I WOH but I know what I’d do if I didn’t work!)

I have only wondered about some of my sahm neighbors whose lives are always so disorganized (and I mean like 15 loads of laundry piled high in their laundry room). Maybe they’d be better off working so they could hire a cleaning lady and a lawn guy. My neighbors son really wanted to go to preschool too and they couldn’t afford it.

Just own it op. If you don’t need to work, that’s a wonderful luxury for your family. As long as it’s to the benefit of your family and not the detriment, you’re golden.