Should I try to become more of a sorority girl / PTA mom?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People who are sarcastic are rude, insecure, and unpleasant to be around. Why don’t you try not making “I’m sarcastic” as your key personality trait. Then maybe take it to the next level and try being nice to your husband.

As a middle aged woman, I don’t like sarcasm. I agree I find it rude and not funny.

There is this one woman I befriended when our kids were babies. I used to find her sarcasm or vents and complaining funny when we were all tired. I thought she was refreshing being “real” about motherhood. Fast forward a decade and I find her just rude. She will say insulting things with a laugh or say sarcastic things. It isn’t funny. It isn’t witty. It is just plain rude.

Once upon a time, I used to think sarcasm was funny.

[Anonymous]

No. You be YOU. You can't sustain a shift to "sorority girl" or "PTA mom" if that isn't in your nature.

[Anonymous]

Your husband was an ass for saying that. There's nothing magical about being in a sorority. Tell him sorority girls are GIRLS, not women. If he wants you to get your nails done and highlights, it will cost XX per month. In terms of wardrobe, there was a point where I just decided Old Navy was not cutting it, and went 50% less often to buy tops, but got them all at Nordstrom Rack and that improved my wardrobe a lot. I've been wearing the same two sweaters from there for the last five years and still get compliments when I wear them.

Just seek out your people, OP. There are other goofy sarcastic people out there, also looking for friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"I have a sarcastic personality"

Yes, men love women like that. "sarcastic personality" = "I have a big, fat, stupid mouth"

Whoah, dude. Who hurt you?

[Anonymous]

Just get therapy.

[Anonymous]

Sorority girl and PTA mom are not the right terms here, but I don't know what would be more accurate. Something like "Stepford wives" or "mean girls" is too derogatory.

What do you call the woman who is very put-together, thin, shiny blown-out hair, confident, and feminine? Someone you look at and you know immediately she was popular in school. You can even see in upper elementary which girls are going to become these women (usually the moms and daughters both fit the mold).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorority girl and PTA mom are not the right terms here, but I don't know what would be more accurate. Something like "Stepford wives" or "mean girls" is too derogatory.

What do you call the woman who is very put-together, thin, shiny blown-out hair, confident, and feminine? Someone you look at and you know immediately she was popular in school. You can even see in upper elementary which girls are going to become these women (usually the moms and daughters both fit the mold).

Do Stepford Wife type people impress anyone? Those are not people I would want to work with or spend time with. If someone is overdone - I don't just mean a lot of makeup - I mean, perfect nails, perfect hair, over done botox, overdone cheek injections, shiny and overly tight face, perfect outfit, etc., seemingly 24/7, I wonder what they are hiding. They are often shallow. There is nothing wrong with clean and casual once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Are YOU happy OP? Are you comfortable being yourself? Put aside your critical female relatives and your husband’s weird midlife crisis about some Instagram version of white suburban motherhood and ask yourself what YOU want.

Do you have friends? Hobbies? Do you have neighbors and acquaintances to chitchat with at school events?
Do you have specific PTA moms or “popular” parent couples at your kids’ school that you are thinking of or are you just imagining a character someone plays on their FB posts or IG stories? What do you imagine is different about their lives that you want? Do you want to get invited on girls trips or wine nights? Do you want to socialize more as a couple with other couples? Do you want your husband to find you attractive and exciting?

There are ways to seek what you are missing that don’t involve becoming minivan Barbie - but you need to articulate what you are missing. If you just try to do the nails and hair and outfits, it won’t make your like easier. It will make it harder or uncomfortable because you are forcing yourself to be something you are not. Pick one or two things that help you feel more confident. You don’t have to be bright and bubbly. You can just be friendly.

[Anonymous]

I think what you really need is friends.

I don't know where your kids go to school, but most PTA/PTO parents at public schools are friendly. Don't march up and say "Will you be my friend?" But do volunteer--clean up is especially good because most people talk during clean up. It may not happen the first time, but if you keep coming back, it will be.

Or volunteer for the jobs where you interact with lots of people--used book sale, selling tickets at the school carnival, decorating the gym for graduation. Again, you may not meet anybody, but you're opening the door to be recognized.

Or join a church, temple, synagogue, whatever.

After you have a Few friends, open up very slowly. Start with compliments--sincere ones. "I really like that top. I can never find cute things like that. Where did you get it?' Or "love your hair cut. Which salon do you go to?"

[Anonymous]

This has to be fake. Your husband told you it would be nice to be married to a "sorority girl" (what a weird thing for a grown ass man to say, considering sorority girls are like, 19) and you're debating how to change?

Of course it's a troll post, I don't even know why I'm asking. You're setting it up so a bunch of men can come post about how women don't want to be soft/feminine/whatever anymore. Go away.

[Anonymous]

Our PTA must not be the same as your PTA OP 🤣

[Anonymous]

My husband says the same thing, OP. We met in medical school, and we have plenty of money, but I’m still not the “easy” person he imagines being married to.

I’ve heard his friends say similar things about their wives. It’s kind of interesting to hear that men who can’t afford to have their wives get their nails done have the same fantasy. I always thought it was about having someone who appreciated the money he made and had some idea how to spend it to make their homelife better.

I think it’s a fantasy about being married to someone who does all of the chores and carries the “mental load” of managing a family without actually having any of their own needs or desires.

Sometimes I feel like when I express a need or desire that conflicts with something my husband wants that he kind of views me as defective or wishes he had gone with a different model. Like, “why isn’t my wife integrating the children into the school community? She must be broken.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You seem so profoundly uncomfortable in your own skin that it breaks my heart. Get therapy, stat. There are low-cost options out there if money is an issue.

And FWIW, I know plenty of “PTA moms” of all shapes and sizes and hair and fashion choices and personalities. I say this gently, but perhaps putting more energy into getting confident with what *you* value would serve you better than trying to pretend you value what some other women do. Good luck.

That's the one thought I have after reading this thread. Most PTA moms I know are a hot mess and I say this as the PTA president. I don't know about sorority girls because I was never in one but if you think all PTA moms have it together....

I don’t think it’s about real life PTA moms, but about a fantasy that PTA moms are thrilled to take over all aspects of domestic life, give regular BJ’s, have no career goals and aspirations, and are so happy to be married that they ask nothing of their husbands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People who are sarcastic are rude, insecure, and unpleasant to be around. Why don’t you try not making “I’m sarcastic” as your key personality trait. Then maybe take it to the next level and try being nice to your husband.

As a middle aged woman, I don’t like sarcasm. I agree I find it rude and not funny.

There is this one woman I befriended when our kids were babies. I used to find her sarcasm or vents and complaining funny when we were all tired. I thought she was refreshing being “real” about motherhood. Fast forward a decade and I find her just rude. She will say insulting things with a laugh or say sarcastic things. It isn’t funny. It isn’t witty. It is just plain rude.

Once upon a time, I used to think sarcasm was funny.

+1

It's not funny, it's rude and tiresome and unpleasant to be around.

[Anonymous]

Ok sorority girls are in college.

You can be feminine and still understated. It's more of a vibe than what exactly you wear. You can have all the hair extensions, fake eyelashes, makeup, nails, heels, etc and still give off an unfeminine vibe. You can be in yoga pants and a ponytail and no makeup and still have a feminine vibe.

I don't really understand your black or white thinking.