Should I try to become more of a sorority girl / PTA mom?

[Anonymous]

Start doing yoga every day.

Your posture will improve, your body will improve (making all clothing look much better), you'll carry less stress in your face. you may become "softer." You may even become less sarcastic.

Do youtube vidoes. It's completely free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You seem so profoundly uncomfortable in your own skin that it breaks my heart. Get therapy, stat. There are low-cost options out there if money is an issue.

And FWIW, I know plenty of “PTA moms” of all shapes and sizes and hair and fashion choices and personalities. I say this gently, but perhaps putting more energy into getting confident with what *you* value would serve you better than trying to pretend you value what some other women do. Good luck.

That's the one thought I have after reading this thread. Most PTA moms I know are a hot mess and I say this as the PTA president. I don't know about sorority girls because I was never in one but if you think all PTA moms have it together....

[Anonymous]

Read this, it will help.

https://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671027034/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=1344703285716797&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.7c9Fi1iXXCEpHRcIbSnSFKIPe5JpOBabXaf81mUC6sMKWUe47wf8-klJ-jcEfH42VY3tqZSxBFnYIC0qw7LwMVXGMrNL3BRpeRpgZ3JpHQknVluUKh_HpXCeueFTrLFhXjFIcZu_vIqGFEci7VAmgJ1aTJwytGsKCniFPWNz1tFiIOXYJMsJtmbwEW3fTKXIdO35EPWC6-T7xdJv1_gLJH7BulMq14SQHgEB0aj_g2k.BNWai0xla0TniBl-Y8qPiidfBv4QlbMnQgJJKsEE-d0&dib_tag=se&hvadid=84044278042989&hvbmt=be&hvdev=c&hvlocphy=91731&hvnetw=o&hvqmt=e&hvtargid=kwd-84044302899321%3Aloc-190&hydadcr=22597_13531049&keywords=how+to+win+friends+%26+influence+people&qid=1709658542&sr=8-1

You lack Emotional Intelligence.

[Anonymous]

you can't "become" a sorority/PTA type all of a sudden - you didn't grow up with it, didn't live the lifestyle, don't fit in.

And that's OK. Life would be boring if everyone was the same type. I am an immigrant too. I have money for brands and hair/nails, but I don't care to try to match someone else's esthetic/social group.

Geeky girls/moms are awesome too. You just need to find your own mom crowd where you would feel authentic to yourself.

Whatever your mom and grandma think is about their own insecurities, it has nothing to do with you. You don't have to think about it or carry this baggage anywhere.

[Anonymous]

You need to be who you are. Don’t try to change yourself (it won’t work). Work on being comfortable with who you are.

[Anonymous]

I'm a former sorority girl and a current pta officer. I don't think I really fit any mold for either, and most of the former sorority girls and current pta moms I know don't either. If you are in fact a real person, you should talk to someone and figure out how to start liking the person you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm like you, I think. I never bothered. You should use your sarcasm to make it clear to your DH that you won't put up with comments like that, that sorority girls are silly. Use your wit to change his mind and appreciate all the trade-offs of dealing with a sorority girl, $$$ being the first thing that comes to mind.

Yeah, not gonna happen.

He's clearly bought into some Hollywood stereotype, let hime have it. He couldn't deal with a real sorority girl type anyway, so don't worry about it and move on. Haven't you ever fantasized he was a hard body hottie? He's just doing that.... harmless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has your husband ever met an actual sorority girl?

As one, you can tell him that I said he needs to learn to edit his thoughts. Every single impulse that pops in his head doesn’t need to be encouraged let alone shared.

That’s how a real sorority girl talks.

Also, Google UMD sorority girl rant. I wasn’t there, but it’s a tale as old as time.

Today I learned… wow.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that your dh is just gently trying to say that he’d like if you weren’t leaning so hard in to middle aged dowdy frump.

[Anonymous]

Middle aged men and their entitlement never ceases to amaze me. “Sorority girl”? What kind of immature, unlikeable person speaks this way? Let me guess: your H isn’t hitting the gym 5 days a week or pulling in 7 figures, is he? So where does he get openly wishing he married some version of a college fantasy? Which, as many previous posters, have pointed out, was literally just membership in a women’s group in college. No hate on sororities, but this is a really weird thing to try to spotlight in middle age. I agree with others that a secondary issue is that you should work on your self-esteem and what makes you feel good about yourself. There’s real value in that. Regarding your H, no notes because he sounds like an ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an immigrant family. My mom and grandma pushed me to be a "real woman" - to get better at clothes/hair/makeup/nails, learn to flirt, be coy and alluring - so that I would one day get a husband.

I was more of a tomboy, really loved reading and debating big ideas. I have a sarcastic personality and big feelings - like, I get really excited about good things and really sad about bad ones. I did have some interest in clothes and boys, but I never mastered any of these "womanly" skills.

My mom's/grandma's constant advice on improving myself led to really low confidence. I didn't fit in at school and no boys were interested in me (probably a self-fulfilling prophecy).

In college, I bounced back and met my husband who is a nerd like me. He has a low sex drive, but overall sex was good and he really did not seem to care about my looks. He would still have sex if I looked like a mess, and on the flip side, if I got really dressed up, it would make no difference in his interest.

Fast forward 15 years, we have 2 kids and I still don't look/act like the PTA moms, former sorority girls, or whatever the right term is for women who look really put together, skinny, with great social skills and feminine mannerisms. I'm not overweight or ugly - just awkward. I have tried to improve myself, but it never seems to work, and money is really tight. I can't really afford regular nails, highlights and wardrobe updates - and honestly what I would need is a professional to make me over which is wildly outside the budget.

My husband recently has been saying that it would be nice to be married to a sorority girl - because it would be easier, more pleasant, etc. But he doesn't like it when I spend money to improve myself on the outside, and as far as changing on the inside, he thinks with my personality it's impossible for me to become bubbly and sweet. He says he loves me the way I am, but it sounds like he's saying it's okay that I'm second best. (And he of course acknowledges that he's not like a Type A "frat guy" himself, but it almost sounds like he's saying we just both need to give up and accept being losers together).

So, were my mom and grandma right? Would learning to be more feminine (either on the outside, inside, or both) have benefits for life/marriage?

Troll

Too long

Go back to Reddit

+1

[Anonymous]

People who are sarcastic are rude, insecure, and unpleasant to be around. Why don’t you try not making “I’m sarcastic” as your key personality trait. Then maybe take it to the next level and try being nice to your husband.

[Anonymous]

Before you go out of your house. Think grocery store, park or school pickup line. Do you: Comb your hair, throw on sunglasses and lipstick, or change clothes? Basically, do you try to pull yourself together?

[Anonymous]

You mention money being so tight you can’t afford regular salon visits but then say you are UMC? “Sorority girl” was an oddly specific comment, especially coming from a man. What was the context? That he wished you had a trust fund and some perceived American social ease? What is his family background and ethnicity?

[Anonymous]

I’m a child of immigrants, furthest thing from a sorority girl and a PTA mom. We have money though. I didn’t grow up with money but we have a lot of money now.

A PTA is not a look. I have been at a few schools and have been in various roles in the PTA. Yes, many of the moms are thin blondes. I did think Stepford Wives at first. I don’t fit this mold at all but I’m friendly, reliable and volunteer. I’m very friendly with these women and not everyone is a blonde sorority girl type, not at all.

Several of my good friends are women I met through the pta. Our kids are not friends. We just happen to meet at an event.