Tell boss about my personal issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all the haters.

But give a moment of consideration to why you wanted to share.

Is it because you really need some sort of accommodation at work?

Or do you just feel you need to space to grieve this and want someone to know?

Either of those are things you might want to pursue for your own sake. For instance, maybe you cannot get an accommodation at work, but you might need to take a vacation day for yourself. You may also be reacting to what you feel is a sense of authenticity in the workplace, given that there is this huge part of you that your boss does not know about. I think we all feel that way often. And it’s a bit uncomfortable and perhaps you want to build towards having a more personal relationship with your boss, but unless there’s actually something actionable you need from your workplace at the moment I would put that on a longer timeline and keep things professional.

Just came here to say that it's post like this that keep me coming back to DCUM despite knowing how unhealthy it can otherwise be. Thanks wise PP.

OP here and yes, I appreciate this post. I don’t really need any accommodations at work, or for anyone else to throw me a pity party. I have friends who are supportive. It is about me needing some space and time to grieve and accept the new reality.

What would this time and space look like? I think it’s fair to ask for unpaid leave for a few weeks while you get your family life sorted out, if it’s a big enough company that they can cover you for that. Make sure you’re clear that it would be unpaid and be prepared for them to say no though.

I think I have it sorted. I requested and was granted to use accrued leave in the near-ish future. Not a vacation per se but will give me a few hours a day for a few days to just rest.

[Anonymous]

Take time off to regroup, but then you must cowboy up and handle your business…both your family obligations and job duties.

Remember: your boss isn’t your friend, and your employer is running a business…not a support group. If you have a medical issue and require surgery or STD or FMLA, sort that out with HR.

But family drama with your ex? Keep that to yourself.

Call a lawyer and push for more child support.

Enlist the help of the deadbeat dad’s relatives if it’s useful. Where are the grandparents? Cousins?

Get some rest if you must, but remember that wallowing or sinking into depression are luxuries you cannot afford. You must parent your children and maintain your income.

[Anonymous]

Literally the guy in my next office is dying. He drags himself to with two or three times a month, lady down hall went bald must have cancer, other guy down hall dropped dead recently, everyone pretends nothing is going on. It is work we don’t care.

Kinda sad. Other than your spouse dropped dead and you need a funeral day I don’t think my job cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Literally the guy in my next office is dying. He drags himself to with two or three times a month, lady down hall went bald must have cancer, other guy down hall dropped dead recently, everyone pretends nothing is going on. It is work we don’t care.

Kinda sad. Other than your spouse dropped dead and you need a funeral day I don’t think my job cares.

Did the dead guy WFH?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all the haters.

But give a moment of consideration to why you wanted to share.

Is it because you really need some sort of accommodation at work?

Or do you just feel you need to space to grieve this and want someone to know?

Either of those are things you might want to pursue for your own sake. For instance, maybe you cannot get an accommodation at work, but you might need to take a vacation day for yourself. You may also be reacting to what you feel is a sense of authenticity in the workplace, given that there is this huge part of you that your boss does not know about. I think we all feel that way often. And it’s a bit uncomfortable and perhaps you want to build towards having a more personal relationship with your boss, but unless there’s actually something actionable you need from your workplace at the moment I would put that on a longer timeline and keep things professional.

Just came here to say that it's post like this that keep me coming back to DCUM despite knowing how unhealthy it can otherwise be. Thanks wise PP.

OP here and yes, I appreciate this post. I don’t really need any accommodations at work, or for anyone else to throw me a pity party. I have friends who are supportive. It is about me needing some space and time to grieve and accept the new reality.

What would this time and space look like? I think it’s fair to ask for unpaid leave for a few weeks while you get your family life sorted out, if it’s a big enough company that they can cover you for that. Make sure you’re clear that it would be unpaid and be prepared for them to say no though.

I think I have it sorted. I requested and was granted to use accrued leave in the near-ish future. Not a vacation per se but will give me a few hours a day for a few days to just rest.

Meanwhile, people have real problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally the guy in my next office is dying. He drags himself to with two or three times a month, lady down hall went bald must have cancer, other guy down hall dropped dead recently, everyone pretends nothing is going on. It is work we don’t care.

Kinda sad. Other than your spouse dropped dead and you need a funeral day I don’t think my job cares.

Did the dead guy WFH?

That one died at work. We had counseling for “those type of people” who can’t handle stuff.

Only funny death at work was this guy who jumped off our 30 story roof and went flying by cafeteria at lunch time around floor 20. He never hit ground landed on our big vat of antifreeze stuff for AC on roof around floor five. Funny watching fire dept try to fish him out. Sadly it was hot out and they killed AC and I was sweating my balls off by 5 pm. The other two jumpers over years just went splat.

The guy who had heart attack on toilet died with pants down.

My other favorite a guy hit by buss mirror at lunch. My boss goes that sucks how long he out? Security goes he was standing on edge of curb and buss mirror pretty much knocked his head off. Ny boss goes guess he ain’t coming back,

We got three dying right now at work, but just sick.

Work is ugly. Nearly everyone i worked with my first few years is long dead.

[Anonymous]

I know several people who didn’t share their cancer diagnosis with colleagues. They continued to show up for work until the end. One died at home (didn’t show up for work, so we checked), others worked until going into hospice.

I’m not saying others should do the same. Work through HR to get the support you need. Most people need the paycheck and insurance, so they continue to work.

But don’t complain and seek support when the issue is you married a deadbeat and parenting is hard. Why? Because parenting and working FT is hard for everyone. Figure out how to get more help if you need it, but don’t bring your drama to work.

Where are your parents? Can they help? Your in-laws?

Do you have any divorced friends who might be interested in sharing a house and helping each other out? Remember the old tv show Kate and Allie? I know two divorced women who went that route and it worked well: saved money and helped with the kids. Grandparents stepped up, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Literally the guy in my next office is dying. He drags himself to with two or three times a month, lady down hall went bald must have cancer, other guy down hall dropped dead recently, everyone pretends nothing is going on. It is work we don’t care.

Kinda sad. Other than your spouse dropped dead and you need a funeral day I don’t think my job cares.

Did the dead guy WFH?

That one died at work. We had counseling for “those type of people” who can’t handle stuff.

Only funny death at work was this guy who jumped off our 30 story roof and went flying by cafeteria at lunch time around floor 20. He never hit ground landed on our big vat of antifreeze stuff for AC on roof around floor five. Funny watching fire dept try to fish him out. Sadly it was hot out and they killed AC and I was sweating my balls off by 5 pm. The other two jumpers over years just went splat.

The guy who had heart attack on toilet died with pants down.

My other favorite a guy hit by buss mirror at lunch. My boss goes that sucks how long he out? Security goes he was standing on edge of curb and buss mirror pretty much knocked his head off. Ny boss goes guess he ain’t coming back,

We got three dying right now at work, but just sick.

Work is ugly. Nearly everyone i worked with my first few years is long dead.

Damm they didn't even let you go home early with no AC and a dead guy. Not like snowflakes today.

[Anonymous]

I would not tell my boss unless I was asked if something was bothering me. But even then I would not go into too much detail, just here is what it is and I’m dealing with it.

[Anonymous]

This thread is so interesting. I’m a brit and I think we have more porous boundaries in terms of work. I see theoretically how you should keep work and professional life separate, but I think ‘corporate America’ gets a lot of flack bc it has so lost its humanity as to create an environment where any normal person would be depressed. I see people all the time here who take anti depressants in order to continue to suck up a job that’s making them miserable where they have to put on a persona that’s entirely false.

Op - I have managed teams for the past ten years. I think it’s fine to tell your boss. But do come with a sense of what you want to communicate. Do you need fmla? Do you need some days off? More wfh?

You don’t need to cry to boss (I have also done this by mistake!) but boss is human and you are human. Gl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know several people who didn’t share their cancer diagnosis with colleagues. They continued to show up for work until the end. One died at home (didn’t show up for work, so we checked), others worked until going into hospice.

I’m not saying others should do the same. Work through HR to get the support you need. Most people need the paycheck and insurance, so they continue to work.

But don’t complain and seek support when the issue is you married a deadbeat and parenting is hard. Why? Because parenting and working FT is hard for everyone. Figure out how to get more help if you need it, but don’t bring your drama to work.

Where are your parents? Can they help? Your in-laws?

Do you have any divorced friends who might be interested in sharing a house and helping each other out? Remember the old tv show Kate and Allie? I know two divorced women who went that route and it worked well: saved money and helped with the kids. Grandparents stepped up, too.

Troll.
Also the bolded is one of more depressing things have ever read

[Anonymous]

Did you see the video of the guy getting fired over zoom after sharing that he was having a baby with his gf? The whereabouts of your DH is not their business