Tell boss about my personal issues?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all the haters.

But give a moment of consideration to why you wanted to share.

Is it because you really need some sort of accommodation at work?

Or do you just feel you need to space to grieve this and want someone to know?

Either of those are things you might want to pursue for your own sake. For instance, maybe you cannot get an accommodation at work, but you might need to take a vacation day for yourself. You may also be reacting to what you feel is a sense of authenticity in the workplace, given that there is this huge part of you that your boss does not know about. I think we all feel that way often. And it’s a bit uncomfortable and perhaps you want to build towards having a more personal relationship with your boss, but unless there’s actually something actionable you need from your workplace at the moment I would put that on a longer timeline and keep things professional.

This.

If I were you, I'd just take some leave, but use the time to do things that will help you get to a place where you can focus on work more.

Also, I should say, I'm a manager and it would be totally fine if someone on my team came to me to let me know this was going on in their personal life and impacting their work. I would encourage them to take some leave to regroup. But I wouldn't have much to offer beyond that. (There's no formal accommodation that I can offer for non-medical personal issues.)

[Anonymous]

You constantly post on this board complaining about him. Send the kids to him for the summer. This is not your boss's problem. Get a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not a troll. There have been a lot of ups and downs in the last few years, and work has mostly been a respite from all that. Something is different now where I feel less resilient and it is all catching up with me.

NP. I don't think you are a troll. Heck, I could be your boss. Something is definitely happening with one of my employees.

Whether you tell your boss the details depends on your workplace I think. At mine, this situation would resonate. And while our work needs to get done we strive to be sincere about respecting employee's personal life and wellbeing.

I think if you are professional and ask for an accommodation and don't get too far into your emotions with your boss then they can respect that and work within the guidelines they have as a manager.

And on a personal note, I have so been there with hitting a wall after being strong in the face of a lot of challenges. It sucks. Please take care of yourself. I didn't really and it took a big toll on me.

[Anonymous]

My workplace has been more accommodating that most when people have been going through the sh-t. My boss does not want to hear the story - he's got too much going on already and isn't able to step into your situation and fix it.

What my boss wants is to hear your specific suggested solution.

Something like - I'm going through a rough patch in my life and would like to take a month off to deal with it. I only have 2 weeks of PTO and am going to do half of it unpaid. Then I hope to be a better state of mind to focus on my work. "Yeah, I got the sense that you were going through something. Talk to Kim and we will see you in April."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You constantly post on this board complaining about him. Send the kids to him for the summer. This is not your boss's problem. Get a therapist.

These are teens with friendships, jobs, sports, and dating, a couple years away from college. Sending them to him for a couple of months, taking them away from all of those things, and lacking realistic options for engagement other than sitting inside playing video games while ex goes to work is not going to lessen my stress level.

Go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You constantly post on this board complaining about him. Send the kids to him for the summer. This is not your boss's problem. Get a therapist.

These are teens with friendships, jobs, sports, and dating, a couple years away from college. Sending them to him for a couple of months, taking them away from all of those things, and lacking realistic options for engagement other than sitting inside playing video games while ex goes to work is not going to lessen my stress level.

Go away.

You chose the ex and willingly had a child with him.

^correction
Children. Chose to have more than 1 child with him.

Yes. I suppose I should suffer in perpetuity.

As long as you have to deal with kids and ex, then yes.

I don’t know what your deal is, but you are really something special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You constantly post on this board complaining about him. Send the kids to him for the summer. This is not your boss's problem. Get a therapist.

These are teens with friendships, jobs, sports, and dating, a couple years away from college. Sending them to him for a couple of months, taking them away from all of those things, and lacking realistic options for engagement other than sitting inside playing video games while ex goes to work is not going to lessen my stress level.

Go away.

You chose the ex and willingly had a child with him.

^correction
Children. Chose to have more than 1 child with him.

Yes. I suppose I should suffer in perpetuity.

As long as you have to deal with kids and ex, then yes.

I don’t know what your deal is, but you are really something special.

You’re the one complaining about having to deal with your children and their father like you didn’t think that’s part of having children with someone.

That is interesting. He also chose to have children with me, and yet he is doing everything possible to NOT have to deal with his children and their mother, as if he doesn’t believe that is part of having children with someone. Hence the impetus for this post.

[Anonymous]

I'm on your side in wanting to help you navigate this at work, but you seem really defensive. These question is sincere and intended to help you think through this thing at work.

Do you see your work and your home in the same orbit? Do you (now) have a perception that you should get some kind of pass at work, or that your work should also think your kids other parent is a bad guy? Do you think that your boss should have some sense of "look at this guy making the company have a hard time?" Do you want company in thinking the other parent is a "bad guy"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all the haters.

But give a moment of consideration to why you wanted to share.

Is it because you really need some sort of accommodation at work?

Or do you just feel you need to space to grieve this and want someone to know?

Either of those are things you might want to pursue for your own sake. For instance, maybe you cannot get an accommodation at work, but you might need to take a vacation day for yourself. You may also be reacting to what you feel is a sense of authenticity in the workplace, given that there is this huge part of you that your boss does not know about. I think we all feel that way often. And it’s a bit uncomfortable and perhaps you want to build towards having a more personal relationship with your boss, but unless there’s actually something actionable you need from your workplace at the moment I would put that on a longer timeline and keep things professional.

Just came here to say that it's post like this that keep me coming back to DCUM despite knowing how unhealthy it can otherwise be. Thanks wise PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You constantly post on this board complaining about him. Send the kids to him for the summer. This is not your boss's problem. Get a therapist.

These are teens with friendships, jobs, sports, and dating, a couple years away from college. Sending them to him for a couple of months, taking them away from all of those things, and lacking realistic options for engagement other than sitting inside playing video games while ex goes to work is not going to lessen my stress level.

Go away.

You chose the ex and willingly had a child with him.

^correction
Children. Chose to have more than 1 child with him.

Yes. I suppose I should suffer in perpetuity.

As long as you have to deal with kids and ex, then yes.

I don’t know what your deal is, but you are really something special.

You’re the one complaining about having to deal with your children and their father like you didn’t think that’s part of having children with someone.

That is interesting. He also chose to have children with me, and yet he is doing everything possible to NOT have to deal with his children and their mother, as if he doesn’t believe that is part of having children with someone. Hence the impetus for this post.

It’s interesting that you think that you should have no responsibility since he is showing none. This is what happens when you have children with an irresponsible person. Is this news to you?

Where on earth did I indicate my belief that I should have no responsibility? Do you think people have kids with people knowing they will desert the kids later?

[Anonymous]

Do not tell your boss. I'm sorry you're going through this, but your boss is interested in only one thing: your ability to get your job done.

I would work hard now so that hopefully you can take some time off in the summer -- a true vacation, or summer Fridays, or something. Use the time that you have earned, but don't expect your boss or company to support you in any other way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all the haters.

But give a moment of consideration to why you wanted to share.

Is it because you really need some sort of accommodation at work?

Or do you just feel you need to space to grieve this and want someone to know?

Either of those are things you might want to pursue for your own sake. For instance, maybe you cannot get an accommodation at work, but you might need to take a vacation day for yourself. You may also be reacting to what you feel is a sense of authenticity in the workplace, given that there is this huge part of you that your boss does not know about. I think we all feel that way often. And it’s a bit uncomfortable and perhaps you want to build towards having a more personal relationship with your boss, but unless there’s actually something actionable you need from your workplace at the moment I would put that on a longer timeline and keep things professional.

Just came here to say that it's post like this that keep me coming back to DCUM despite knowing how unhealthy it can otherwise be. Thanks wise PP.

OP here and yes, I appreciate this post. I don’t really need any accommodations at work, or for anyone else to throw me a pity party. I have friends who are supportive. It is about me needing some space and time to grieve and accept the new reality.

[Anonymous]

I hated my last boss, but one thing I liked was that he kept his messy private life private. We knew just enough to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all the haters.

But give a moment of consideration to why you wanted to share.

Is it because you really need some sort of accommodation at work?

Or do you just feel you need to space to grieve this and want someone to know?

Either of those are things you might want to pursue for your own sake. For instance, maybe you cannot get an accommodation at work, but you might need to take a vacation day for yourself. You may also be reacting to what you feel is a sense of authenticity in the workplace, given that there is this huge part of you that your boss does not know about. I think we all feel that way often. And it’s a bit uncomfortable and perhaps you want to build towards having a more personal relationship with your boss, but unless there’s actually something actionable you need from your workplace at the moment I would put that on a longer timeline and keep things professional.

Just came here to say that it's post like this that keep me coming back to DCUM despite knowing how unhealthy it can otherwise be. Thanks wise PP.

OP here and yes, I appreciate this post. I don’t really need any accommodations at work, or for anyone else to throw me a pity party. I have friends who are supportive. It is about me needing some space and time to grieve and accept the new reality.

What would this time and space look like? I think it’s fair to ask for unpaid leave for a few weeks while you get your family life sorted out, if it’s a big enough company that they can cover you for that. Make sure you’re clear that it would be unpaid and be prepared for them to say no though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ignore all the haters.

But give a moment of consideration to why you wanted to share.

Is it because you really need some sort of accommodation at work?

Or do you just feel you need to space to grieve this and want someone to know?

Either of those are things you might want to pursue for your own sake. For instance, maybe you cannot get an accommodation at work, but you might need to take a vacation day for yourself. You may also be reacting to what you feel is a sense of authenticity in the workplace, given that there is this huge part of you that your boss does not know about. I think we all feel that way often. And it’s a bit uncomfortable and perhaps you want to build towards having a more personal relationship with your boss, but unless there’s actually something actionable you need from your workplace at the moment I would put that on a longer timeline and keep things professional.

Just came here to say that it's post like this that keep me coming back to DCUM despite knowing how unhealthy it can otherwise be. Thanks wise PP.

OP here and yes, I appreciate this post. I don’t really need any accommodations at work, or for anyone else to throw me a pity party. I have friends who are supportive. It is about me needing some space and time to grieve and accept the new reality.

Then you take time off? I mean, it's unclear what you really want here. Your children are teens according to you, so they're pretty self-sufficient and should have busy summers already. And if you have feelings of grief because they're deadbeat, dad has once again everyone down, then you talk about that with a therapist. Not your employer. If you shared your sob story with your boss, I would interpret that as saying "I know I'm a shitty worker right now and I'm sorry. Please forgive me." Sorry but the work still has to get done and it shouldn't be your colleagues job to pick up a slack.