Handling racist and homophobic comments from DC friend and their parents

[Anonymous]

I would go a step further and have a direct conversation with the parents and tell them that you understand they are using this language in the house, that’s where their son learned it, and it’s unacceptable and your son will no longer be hanging out with their son or going over their house. There needs to be some kind of social shaming and consequence for people who spew racist garbage. Otherwise they think it’s normal and acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. When something similar happened when my DC was in middle school (racist but not homophobic language), my DC punched the perpetrator, knocked him down, and told him that he’d do worse if he heard the language again. The perpetrator wasn’t hurt but everyone on the playground saw it. My DC then got a half-hearted detention from the principal along with verbal messaging that standing up and defending his friends was a good thing to do. The principal didn’t even call us; I only found out about the incident because a friend heard about it from her kid. From what I heard, the problem ended quickly.

Playground justice does work for stuff like this.

I doubt it. Violence is not tolerated no matter how noble the reason. Zero tolerance for fighting. Kids can’t knock someone to the ground because they don’t like what the person said. There’s no way a principal would let it go.

Every day there are kids using racist and cruel language. Imagine if everyone got into a physical fight over it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Therefore, yes, I find it hard to believe educated parents seemingly normal parents are referring to black people as the n word, monkeys, and using the word fag. I don’t know anyone who would speak this this. Even in private.

It's great that you believe you don't know anyone. Unfortunately, it absolutely happens every day, even in the DMV. The rise in hate speech over the last 4-5 years is very real. Please take your head out of the sand.

So you think the boys are over her house playing robolox in the basement and she is in the kitchen ranting about blacks and gays? Or is she yelling racial slurs while passing out Takis to the kids? I just don’t see how this would even come up on play date. This just doesn’t sound believable, especially if she is making her son publicly apologize and wanting to meet with other parents about it. If she is a closet racist, there would be no reason for racist talk from her when OPs son is over

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. When something similar happened when my DC was in middle school (racist but not homophobic language), my DC punched the perpetrator, knocked him down, and told him that he’d do worse if he heard the language again. The perpetrator wasn’t hurt but everyone on the playground saw it. My DC then got a half-hearted detention from the principal along with verbal messaging that standing up and defending his friends was a good thing to do. The principal didn’t even call us; I only found out about the incident because a friend heard about it from her kid. From what I heard, the problem ended quickly.

Playground justice does work for stuff like this.

I doubt it. Violence is not tolerated no matter how noble the reason. Zero tolerance for fighting. Kids can’t knock someone to the ground because they don’t like what the person said. There’s no way a principal would let it go.

Every day there are kids using racist and cruel language. Imagine if everyone got into a physical fight over it?

They did. It was called The Civil War.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. When something similar happened when my DC was in middle school (racist but not homophobic language), my DC punched the perpetrator, knocked him down, and told him that he’d do worse if he heard the language again. The perpetrator wasn’t hurt but everyone on the playground saw it. My DC then got a half-hearted detention from the principal along with verbal messaging that standing up and defending his friends was a good thing to do. The principal didn’t even call us; I only found out about the incident because a friend heard about it from her kid. From what I heard, the problem ended quickly.

Playground justice does work for stuff like this.

I doubt it. Violence is not tolerated no matter how noble the reason. Zero tolerance for fighting. Kids can’t knock someone to the ground because they don’t like what the person said. There’s no way a principal would let it go.

Every day there are kids using racist and cruel language. Imagine if everyone got into a physical fight over it?

My son had an openly racist girl in his class. It came to a head when they did a lesson on racism and the teacher showed pictures of burning crosses, the girl commented that the crosses were pretty. My son was furious and he has a relentless, never forget personality. So, he mocked her for the rest of the year…addressing her as “racist” and literally shutting her down every time she spoke. It worked, she shut up, and the teacher absolutely allowed him to call her out over and over again. So, no need for violence, a lot can be accomplished with words.

[Anonymous]

I am a 44 year old white male with a zero tolerance policy for this BS.

I would call the kid out, would call the parent out, would let the school know.

I have called random strangers out in public.

Standing idly by makes you part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. When something similar happened when my DC was in middle school (racist but not homophobic language), my DC punched the perpetrator, knocked him down, and told him that he’d do worse if he heard the language again. The perpetrator wasn’t hurt but everyone on the playground saw it. My DC then got a half-hearted detention from the principal along with verbal messaging that standing up and defending his friends was a good thing to do. The principal didn’t even call us; I only found out about the incident because a friend heard about it from her kid. From what I heard, the problem ended quickly.

Playground justice does work for stuff like this.

I doubt it. Violence is not tolerated no matter how noble the reason. Zero tolerance for fighting. Kids can’t knock someone to the ground because they don’t like what the person said. There’s no way a principal would let it go.

Every day there are kids using racist and cruel language. Imagine if everyone got into a physical fight over it?

The principal didn’t let it go. But it’s certainly possible to give a required detention and then message that it’s good to stand up for friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NP. When something similar happened when my DC was in middle school (racist but not homophobic language), my DC punched the perpetrator, knocked him down, and told him that he’d do worse if he heard the language again. The perpetrator wasn’t hurt but everyone on the playground saw it. My DC then got a half-hearted detention from the principal along with verbal messaging that standing up and defending his friends was a good thing to do. The principal didn’t even call us; I only found out about the incident because a friend heard about it from her kid. From what I heard, the problem ended quickly.

Playground justice does work for stuff like this.

I doubt it. Violence is not tolerated no matter how noble the reason. Zero tolerance for fighting. Kids can’t knock someone to the ground because they don’t like what the person said. There’s no way a principal would let it go.

Every day there are kids using racist and cruel language. Imagine if everyone got into a physical fight over it?

I am…. The thing with these a holes is that if you come at them with violence they will back down real quick. Come at them in numbers their conscience will kick in real fast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I just find this story extremely difficult to believe in this area in 2024.
Not saying it’s impossible but I just don’t find it realistic to believe that you wouldn’t have noticed this from this boy or from his family before now if this were their character.

Why is there always on commenter that doesn’t believe anything?

Agreed, my son thought I was crazy when I would talk about this stuff to him then he attended a college in the South and he was like, wow, this sh*t still exists.

which college was this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MYOB is what I would say. Why is a rando racist bigot kid your personal problem to solve?

Totally disagree. I would talk to the school not on behalf of gays and black but on behalf of all kids and parents! I don’t want my kid in an environment where racist and homophopic comments are tolerated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I just find this story extremely difficult to believe in this area in 2024.
Not saying it’s impossible but I just don’t find it realistic to believe that you wouldn’t have noticed this from this boy or from his family before now if this were their character.

Why is there always on commenter that doesn’t believe anything?

Agreed, my son thought I was crazy when I would talk about this stuff to him then he attended a college in the South and he was like, wow, this sh*t still exists.

which college was this?

No one seems to answer these types of ?s

[Anonymous]

This is insane. This parent is clearly one of the good ones who cares about something that doesn’t harm her but she knows isn’t right.
I would report the kid AND the mom so administration knows. My kids go to a predominantly white and Asian school and they have heard the N word more than I have ever had. It doesn’t matter how liberal the school is - racism and stereotypes exist and our kids especially at this age should not have to deal with it alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a 44 year old white male with a zero tolerance policy for this BS.

I would call the kid out, would call the parent out, would let the school know.

I have called random strangers out in public.

Standing idly by makes you part of the problem.

Thank you.

[Anonymous]

OP - i think you are blowing things out of proportion. If you don't want your kid to be friends with this guy - fine. otherwise, forget it and move on.

[Anonymous]

How do you stop your kids from being friends with kids like this? You can necessarily control who they are talking to at school.