Handling racist and homophobic comments from DC friend and their parents

[Anonymous]

My 10-year-old has become good friends with another kid in his class and they spend much time together at each other's homes or online playing Roblox.

The friend is a very polite and sweet kid when he is over; however, more recently, we’ve heard him saying the n-word and other derogatory remarks about black people and gay men in their group chats with friends and on Facetime. We talked to our son about telling him to stop and end the calls when this happens.

Over the last week, this kid has ramped up his bigoted remarks, so my friend and the other friends said they wouldn't play with him if he continued. Obviously he was upset and his mother contacted everyone to apologize.

When she had her son apologize and asked to meet with us, my son shared that when he is at their house the mom says racist remarks in front of everyone including my son.

We decided not to let him go over to this house anymore, but the kid has not stopped his remarks at school because he thinks it’s funny and my son reported today he called the black kids at school monkeys and their gay teacher a fag behind their backs.

Their school is not diverse and it would be so devastating if very few LGBTQ or black students and staff knew what he was saying.

Although my child hasn’t been a target of the racist behavior, I feel compelled to say something to the school that this is continuing but am not sure what the best approach would be.

This is new to me, so I’m curious how other parents have handled this type of dynamic and if they reported it, what did you say?

[Anonymous]

I would absolutely raise it with administration. This is absolutely unacceptable. It’s not your responsibility if course, but I’m glad you feel moved to action.

[Anonymous]

Is the boy actually aware that everyone finds his comments unacceptable? I feel like he's had enough chances and should not be acknowledged until he cleans up his language. That boy will be a disaster by middle school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is the boy actually aware that everyone finds his comments unacceptable? I feel like he's had enough chances and should not be acknowledged until he cleans up his language. That boy will be a disaster by middle school

Op here-Yes, he very aware, so are his parents which is what prompted the apologies to the group of friends. It seems worthless as his parents talk like this at home so obviously it seems normal to the kid. It is still continuing in person at school and could be in chats but we’ve not allowed our son to be a part of those anymore

[Anonymous]

Sorry but I just find this story extremely difficult to believe in this area in 2024.
Not saying it’s impossible but I just don’t find it realistic to believe that you wouldn’t have noticed this from this boy or from his family before now if this were their character.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I just find this story extremely difficult to believe in this area in 2024.
Not saying it’s impossible but I just don’t find it realistic to believe that you wouldn’t have noticed this from this boy or from his family before now if this were their character.

Why is there always on commenter that doesn’t believe anything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 10-year-old has become good friends with another kid in his class and they spend much time together at each other's homes or online playing Roblox.

The friend is a very polite and sweet kid when he is over; however, more recently, we’ve heard him saying the n-word and other derogatory remarks about black people and gay men in their group chats with friends and on Facetime. We talked to our son about telling him to stop and end the calls when this happens.

Over the last week, this kid has ramped up his bigoted remarks, so my friend and the other friends said they wouldn't play with him if he continued. Obviously he was upset and his mother contacted everyone to apologize.

When she had her son apologize and asked to meet with us, my son shared that when he is at their house the mom says racist remarks in front of everyone including my son.

We decided not to let him go over to this house anymore, but the kid has not stopped his remarks at school because he thinks it’s funny and my son reported today he called the black kids at school monkeys and their gay teacher a fag behind their backs.

Their school is not diverse and it would be so devastating if very few LGBTQ or black students and staff knew what he was saying.

Although my child hasn’t been a target of the racist behavior, I feel compelled to say something to the school that this is continuing but am not sure what the best approach would be.

This is new to me, so I’m curious how other parents have handled this type of dynamic and if they reported it, what did you say?

Oh really?

DS’s public middle school is very diverse and on the extreme end of the LGTBQIA+ spectrum.

He has shared with me that all the boys make extremely racist comments.

Even the BIPOC kids make inappropriate racial comment (although BIPOC are not capable of racism, by definition). Also sexist and homophobic comments.

The MS kids insult everyone. They share the most racist “humor” they can find on the internet , using their phones. They go out of their way to try to out-do each other.


On the issues of race, gender, and preference, these MS kids behavior is, frankly, immature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I just find this story extremely difficult to believe in this area in 2024.
Not saying it’s impossible but I just don’t find it realistic to believe that you wouldn’t have noticed this from this boy or from his family before now if this were their character.

Why is there always on commenter that doesn’t believe anything?

Agreed, my son thought I was crazy when I would talk about this stuff to him then he attended a college in the South and he was like, wow, this sh*t still exists.

[Anonymous]

This has got to be a race baiting troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry but I just find this story extremely difficult to believe in this area in 2024.
Not saying it’s impossible but I just don’t find it realistic to believe that you wouldn’t have noticed this from this boy or from his family before now if this were their character.

I've got the best deal on a bridge. Everyone is saying it's the best deal they've ever seen. You'll love bridge ownership.

But seriously, how do you think you learn things about people? Typically by spending time with them. Very few people roll up to a PTA meeting and drop the N word and call people fags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10-year-old has become good friends with another kid in his class and they spend much time together at each other's homes or online playing Roblox.

The friend is a very polite and sweet kid when he is over; however, more recently, we’ve heard him saying the n-word and other derogatory remarks about black people and gay men in their group chats with friends and on Facetime. We talked to our son about telling him to stop and end the calls when this happens.

Over the last week, this kid has ramped up his bigoted remarks, so my friend and the other friends said they wouldn't play with him if he continued. Obviously he was upset and his mother contacted everyone to apologize.

When she had her son apologize and asked to meet with us, my son shared that when he is at their house the mom says racist remarks in front of everyone including my son.

We decided not to let him go over to this house anymore, but the kid has not stopped his remarks at school because he thinks it’s funny and my son reported today he called the black kids at school monkeys and their gay teacher a fag behind their backs.

Their school is not diverse and it would be so devastating if very few LGBTQ or black students and staff knew what he was saying.

Although my child hasn’t been a target of the racist behavior, I feel compelled to say something to the school that this is continuing but am not sure what the best approach would be.

This is new to me, so I’m curious how other parents have handled this type of dynamic and if they reported it, what did you say?

Oh really?

DS’s public middle school is very diverse and on the extreme end of the LGTBQIA+ spectrum.

He has shared with me that all the boys make extremely racist comments.

Even the BIPOC kids make inappropriate racial comment (although BIPOC are not capable of racism, by definition). Also sexist and homophobic comments.

The MS kids insult everyone. They share the most racist “humor” they can find on the internet , using their phones. They go out of their way to try to out-do each other.


On the issues of race, gender, and preference, these MS kids behavior is, frankly, immature.

That’s your excuse, immaturity? So the kids on the receiving end are just supposed to tolerate it based on your logic? Reminds me of the locker room talk excuse

[Anonymous]

MYOB is what I would say. Why is a rando racist bigot kid your personal problem to solve?

[Anonymous]

I would just watch the sh*t show unfold
He will be reported sooner or later

[Anonymous]

Seems like 1/2 of DCUM is an episode of "What would you do".

Always tons of 3rd parties saying...gosh darnit you just have to do X or Y...yet if faced with the exact same circumstance would be a deer in the headlights as to what to do.

You protect your own kid and shield them from this racism...but rarely is speaking up to administration successful for anyone and often it will back-fire on the one that speaks up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10-year-old has become good friends with another kid in his class and they spend much time together at each other's homes or online playing Roblox.

The friend is a very polite and sweet kid when he is over; however, more recently, we’ve heard him saying the n-word and other derogatory remarks about black people and gay men in their group chats with friends and on Facetime. We talked to our son about telling him to stop and end the calls when this happens.

Over the last week, this kid has ramped up his bigoted remarks, so my friend and the other friends said they wouldn't play with him if he continued. Obviously he was upset and his mother contacted everyone to apologize.

When she had her son apologize and asked to meet with us, my son shared that when he is at their house the mom says racist remarks in front of everyone including my son.

We decided not to let him go over to this house anymore, but the kid has not stopped his remarks at school because he thinks it’s funny and my son reported today he called the black kids at school monkeys and their gay teacher a fag behind their backs.

Their school is not diverse and it would be so devastating if very few LGBTQ or black students and staff knew what he was saying.

Although my child hasn’t been a target of the racist behavior, I feel compelled to say something to the school that this is continuing but am not sure what the best approach would be.

This is new to me, so I’m curious how other parents have handled this type of dynamic and if they reported it, what did you say?

Oh really?

DS’s public middle school is very diverse and on the extreme end of the LGTBQIA+ spectrum.

He has shared with me that all the boys make extremely racist comments.

Even the BIPOC kids make inappropriate racial comment (although BIPOC are not capable of racism, by definition). Also sexist and homophobic comments.

The MS kids insult everyone. They share the most racist “humor” they can find on the internet , using their phones. They go out of their way to try to out-do each other.


On the issues of race, gender, and preference, these MS kids behavior is, frankly, immature.

That’s your excuse, immaturity? So the kids on the receiving end are just supposed to tolerate it based on your logic? Reminds me of the locker room talk excuse

Um, yes?

What are you going to do? Search your kids’ SnapChat for racist content?

- oops. Snaps automatically delete themselves. It is what Snap is designed to do.

Will you go to Beijing, are protest TikTok over all the racist content they allow on the US version of TikTok (but ban on Chinese TikTok?). ??

- let us know how that works out for you.

So yes, you and I both will excuse this. You can’t change it. Get as outraged as you want.