Do you have the "one who got away?"
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Anonymous
DH here. We don’t pine for the “one who got away” unless we have a dead bedroom. Bird in the hand and all that. |
Anonymous
Welcome to the delulu club! |
Anonymous
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I have a few.
The one I should have married, who married the woman after me. We were best friends and he's genuinely the best person I've every known. But I didn't understand at 21 that you could build on that. I thought passion was ultra-important. Anyway, we're still in casual touch but I would never do anything to interfere with his life. He deserves all good things. The one I thought I would marry. He never got married and I am now divorced. We've been hanging out lately after not being in touch for 20+ years. I have no idea if there's anything still there for me, but it's been fun catching up. There are a couple more but as a PP said, it's mostly unfinished business there, not necessarily regret. |
Anonymous
| No, I moved on from my exes for good reasons so there is no looking back. They had some good traits but nothing like my husband. Thanks to social media I have a sense for where they are today and what they are doing. And I’m glad I’m not a part of their lives. I don’t know if I’m the one who got away but it would be fun to know. |
Anonymous
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I have one where I sometimes think "I wonder what would have happened..."
We broke up bc of distance and bc at the time, neither of us were prepared to move. But I think we would have if we could have stuck it out a bit longer. We are still social media friends and they have a beautiful family (as do I), but I sometimes think there is an alternate reality where we could have been happy |
Anonymous
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We see variations of this post at least once a month, and usually more often (e.g., " What happened to the one who got away? " " Are you the one who got away? " etc.).
It is trite and self-serving since the objective is for posters to write about how someone is still pining for them. Please, grow up and stop this. |
Anonymous
Maybe read with closer comprehension. The objective for a few is indeed to talk about how they're pined for, but most posts here have been about the posters pining for someone else. So what if this comes up as a thread occasionally? Click on by, PP, and don't waste your energy being the forum police. You dislike the topic yet you just had to comment... |
Anonymous
Yeah spouse is on another level from exes, no contest. |
Anonymous
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I'm the one who got away. My ex bf has let me know this several times. We broke up 25 years ago - he cheated on me while he was in law school, and married her (they seem to be a really good fit.)
But over the years I'll get a drunken facebook message telling me how his family was mad at him, how I was the one who got away, how he thinks about this alternate life. I suspect this is all less about me and more about the fact that we were still pretty young and things were fun then. I've been very happily married for 15 years and I don't regret not marrying the ex at all. I'll admit it was vindication when he first started messaging, but I've told him to stop several times. It feels gross and isn't fair to his wife. |
Anonymous
You dislike the post but felt threatened enough to be a hypocrite by attempting to be forum police yourself. Live what you write. It comes up because sad people (i.e., you) cannot live in the present moment. How is pinning for another any less sad than believing someone is pinning for you? Tomorrow is Valentine's Day. Be good to those in your life today, and do not worry about former romantic partners. Or wallow. Up to you. |
Anonymous
+1. it is only a feeling though and no way of knowing for sure but it's fun to think about |
Anonymous
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I had two.
One was a guy I fell head over heels for when I was 19 and he was 22. We were both pretty serious and then an unintended pregnancy threw a wrench in the works. I had a termination which he asked me to have, and then his behavior afterward really upset me so things got rocky at which point he told his family I forced him to go along with the abortion (total lie) and they turned on me like wolves. Despite all that awful I spent years thinking if I'd married him and had the kid I'd have the life I'd always wanted. At midlife I finally realized what a narcissist he was, and I know enough about how his life turned out - he married the next girl he dated and they have the kind of relationship where he's allowed on Facebook but she isn't, their life revolves around all of his interests (SO much NFL, BARF) and she plays domestic servant while he does what he wants with his MAGA friends) - that I'm abundantly grateful for how things happened after all. I went on to college, graduate school, and law school and a very interesting and varied career and life. The other one was somebody who maybe could have been the real thing - the son of a favorite college professor who died when I was in law school and I met the son at his memorial service and things blossomed from there. We were together for a few months and he seemed like most of what I wanted in a man at that point in my life - very intelligent, well educated, thoughtful and sensitive. But I was halfway through law school, beginning to struggle with depression over coming to terms with my abusive family of origin, and I felt a sudden massive reluctance to have a man at the center of my life - any man. I told him I didn't want to suffer through becoming a disappointment to him, and I didn't want to love him and devote myself to him and have him ultimately turn out to be a jerk like so many guys I had dated or had relationships with by then. He was pretty broken up but accepted things, we tried to remain friends for a while but his hurt over my desire not to have a romantic relationship eventually got in the way of the friendship. I thought about him a lot over the years, and wondered what if. I found out a few weeks ago that he died last year, so even if I'd moved forward with a relationship with him and it had worked out, I would've been a fairly young widow. I had a few other relationships over the years after him, but nothing that lasted even a year. Because of the marriages I witnessed growing up I had a natural aversion I think, and it only grew with time and experience including a career spent in victim advocacy, prosecution and even healthcare where I saw women abandoned by men at the most vulnerable times of their lives. If I could go back in time, I would tell a much younger me to eschew them altogether. |
Anonymous
Aw, you came back, and lobbed Valentine's Day and trite advice at me! Adorable. That means you came back again to see if anyone responded to your "I hate this thread" post! And yeah, I'm here replying to you again, I get that. Though I did come to see new posts and not yours. Enjoy your Valentine's Day! |
Anonymous
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Well, I have somebody else’s “one who got away”. And I’m embarrassed for her that it’s still such a huge source of regret for her.
She made sure that I know what he meant to her when they were teenagers —which was like, nearly 25 years before he and I ever met. Ok, whatever, he left their small town without her and then married someone else (not me). When that marriage ended in divorce, he still didn’t return for her. He doesn’t see her as the one who got away. |
Anonymous
| I had one in college (unfinished business, didn't live in the same country/state ever) and then after my divorce 20 years later we hooked up. It fizzled out rather quickly when I came to my senses because I matured in 20 years whereas he stayed about the same level of emotional maturity plus is no longer very good looking. |