Reply to Do you have the "one who got away?"

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Do you have the "one who got away?""

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I had two.

One was a guy I fell head over heels for when I was 19 and he was 22. We were both pretty serious and then an unintended pregnancy threw a wrench in the works. I had a termination which he asked me to have, and then his behavior afterward really upset me so things got rocky at which point he told his family I forced him to go along with the abortion (total lie) and they turned on me like wolves. Despite all that awful I spent years thinking if I'd married him and had the kid I'd have the life I'd always wanted. At midlife I finally realized what a narcissist he was, and I know enough about how his life turned out - he married the next girl he dated and they have the kind of relationship where he's allowed on Facebook but she isn't, their life revolves around all of his interests (SO much NFL, BARF) and she plays domestic servant while he does what he wants with his MAGA friends) - that I'm abundantly grateful for how things happened after all. I went on to college, graduate school, and law school and a very interesting and varied career and life.

The other one was somebody who maybe could have been the real thing - the son of a favorite college professor who died when I was in law school and I met the son at his memorial service and things blossomed from there. We were together for a few months and he seemed like most of what I wanted in a man at that point in my life - very intelligent, well educated, thoughtful and sensitive. But I was halfway through law school, beginning to struggle with depression over coming to terms with my abusive family of origin, and I felt a sudden massive reluctance to have a man at the center of my life - any man. I told him I didn't want to suffer through becoming a disappointment to him, and I didn't want to love him and devote myself to him and have him ultimately turn out to be a jerk like so many guys I had dated or had relationships with by then. He was pretty broken up but accepted things, we tried to remain friends for a while but his hurt over my desire not to have a romantic relationship eventually got in the way of the friendship. I thought about him a lot over the years, and wondered what if. I found out a few weeks ago that he died last year, so even if I'd moved forward with a relationship with him and it had worked out, I would've been a fairly young widow.

I had a few other relationships over the years after him, but nothing that lasted even a year. Because of the marriages I witnessed growing up I had a natural aversion I think, and it only grew with time and experience including a career spent in victim advocacy, prosecution and even healthcare where I saw women abandoned by men at the most vulnerable times of their lives.

If I could go back in time, I would tell a much younger me to eschew them altogether. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics