Do you have the "one who got away?"

[Anonymous]

Although I'm very happy with my husband and have a wonderful life, I sometimes wonder what would have happened if I hadn't been afraid to answer my best hiking friend, when we were in the tent listening to the rain and she told me that she was gay. I really loved her but was afraid to say so, and pretended to be asleep.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't say he's the one who got away, because ultimately I wound up with someone who was a better match. However, I was fresh off a breakup, dating two guys at the same time. (I was not exclusive with either.) Ultimately, Guy A asked me to be his girlfriend so I broke up with Guy B. I dated Guy A for a year and he dumped me out of nowhere, it was awful. I often wonder what would've happened if I had gone with Guy B.

[Anonymous]

Aw, you came back, and lobbed Valentine's Day and trite advice at me! Adorable. That means you came back again to see if anyone responded to your "I hate this thread" post! And yeah, I'm here replying to you again, I get that. Though I did come to see new posts and not yours. Enjoy your Valentine's Day!

Hi. You need more help than just trite advice.

First, your hypocrisy is unbecoming. Your line about returning to the thread "to see new posts and not yours" but replying to my post within a couple of hours of my posting shows that. It is not adorable for a woman of your age to say she is uninterested in reading my reply, but taking action to show she is very interested by so quickly replying is creepy AF.

Which brings us to the heart of the matter. You likely stalked men in the past by doing similarly creepy things (e.g., saying you "just happened to be passing by their house" when you drove up and down their street 30 or 40 times.) The last time I saw a girl (not a woman) act like she was not interested in something was when she actually was at Longfellow Middle School.

That is why this thread matters to you and why my previous post hurt. You likely have several men in your past who got away because they were concerned you might boil their pets if they did not do so.

I am enjoying my Valentine's Day. Thank you.

[Anonymous]

Not a real "ex" but a college friend I always thought about and would have liked to try moving to the next level but never did. He's my biggest "what if"

[Anonymous]

I think most people have at least one past serious relationship that gutted them.

[Anonymous]

Very few of these sound like "the one that got away".

Lots of questions of "what ifs" .... because the vast majority of these were never actual relationships, so you don't know if you were even compatible. So how could you say "they were the one that got a way"?

Even the posts talking about college boyfriends, but they were too young to commit so they broke up.... I mean, you couldn't have been that serious if you just.... broke up with them? Or alternatively, you were really immature -- which means your judgment looking back at whether the relationship was good is probably not the best.

By definition, I think "the one that got away" needs to be someone who you were in a relationship with who left you... either with or without much argument from you. And in hindsight, you shouldn't have let them go or you should have fought harder. It doesn't mean someone you had a crush on for a semester in college.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I still have boxes of photos and jewelry he gave me.

[Anonymous]

Lot of young people break up with true loves of their lives for no good reason, just because society tells them to have many relationships before settling down in their 30's with the best option. While it works for many, it doesn't for others.

That being said, be happy you experienced it and move on.

[Anonymous]

Interesting thread for Valentine's Day...

I would caution against romanticizing relationships you had when you were younger compared to today. It is way easier to be fun/exciting/spontaneous/idealistic when you are in college than when you are in your 40s with kids/mortgage/jobs. It is also easy to romanticize how this person knew you at your best/younger/fitter so you are both frozen in that time.

As for saving all the letters/mementos, how would your spouse and kids feel if they found this stash? I recently found all the letters from my HS and college boyfriend, read them, laughed a little at our naivete, enjoyed the trip down memory lane, and then tossed them. Not telling you to do the same, but not sure what purpose saving them serves.

Today is a good day to look for the best in your partner and recognize the challenges of long relationships.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Terrible misunderstanding and argument one night ended it. Would love a no strings meeting to talk about what we had, if it could have gone farther, and just generally learn what they are like as a person today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Terrible misunderstanding and argument one night ended it. Would love a no strings meeting to talk about what we had, if it could have gone farther, and just generally learn what they are like as a person today.

Aww that’s sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think most people have at least one past serious relationship that gutted them.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lot of young people break up with true loves of their lives for no good reason, just because society tells them to have many relationships before settling down in their 30's with the best option. While it works for many, it doesn't for others.

That being said, be happy you experienced it and move on.

I think it is possible to have serial true loves. Especially when you consider how you mature between youth and middle age. I am not that 15 year old girl who was ready to drop everything and go live in Israel to be with the boy I loved then. But I really loved him and believe he really loved me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was the one who got away, but he found me two decades later.

tell us more !

[Anonymous]

Yeah, he left me for someone else. They eventually married and then divorced. He reached out to me after they divorced but I was married and even if I wasn’t my pride wouldn’t let me give him the time of day.