Do you have the "one who got away?"

[Anonymous]

I do.

College boyfriend. We had such insane chemistry: mentally, physically, etc. But I was in no place to commit to a long term relationship at age 21. So we broke up, dated other people. Both got married. He actually married very young (the next person after me). I dated around for years, had fun, sewed my wild oats, married at 30. I'm now 48. 3 kids; decent marriage.
I was just cleaning my closets in preparation for a move and came across boxes of everything from my teens and 20's: letters and notes and programs and ticket stubs. I saved everything. Remember writing letters? I have hundreds from those years--from friends, boyfriends, my parents, grandparents. Sigh. The internet has ruined all of that.

I read through dozens from the old boyfriend. I don't think anyone has ever understood me like he did. Wow. It is weird to think that he still walks this earth. I know where he lives (hours and hours from me) but I will not reach out to him. I will also not throw out the letters. They remind me of a person I used to be. When I was young and beautiful and interesting. So for that reason I will never throw them out. Meanwhile I remain committed to my husband and children.

Do you have someone similar?

[Anonymous]

Yup very very similar except we had a bad confusing break up. I did look him up on social, but didn’t and won’t contact. He married the girl after me and is now divorcing. He also went into the same field I did and started a company. His mission statement was comprised of the same words and reasoning I used when I told him why I was going to do what I do. I’m not sure what to make of that, but it was like listening to a ghost of me/us when I read that 25 years later.

I don’t plan on contacting him. We did enjoy our college days together though!

[Anonymous]

Yes absolutely. I think what makes me pine for him is more that it reminds me of that time in my life- young, free, still figuring out who I was and figuring it out alongside this other person. We broke up for circumstances sort of outside our control (went to different colleges and then moved to different cities and each married our college significant other actually). But when I look back at old letters… I think I just miss being young and free and having the suspense of a new and physical relationship that involved sneaking around to be physical (because, high school!). But I do feel like it’s him I miss even though logically , the dream is better than the current reality of him probably is.

[Anonymous]

Pretty sure I'm the one who got away for at least 3 of my boyfriends...💁‍♀️

[Anonymous]

I have a similar situation where I've just always felt that we have unfinished business. He married the one after me. I married and divorced and am now in a committed relationship. He doesn't live far from me and we emailed back and forth for awhile. At one point I'd had some trauma in my life and when he suggested we meet for coffee I just couldn't do it. It felt weird.

[Anonymous]

I know a couple of my husbands exes and I’m pretty sure I got the one who got away.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have one that I dated and it didn’t work out. There are a couple people that feel like unfinished business, like something could have happened but it never did.

[Anonymous]

I was the one who got away, but he found me two decades later.

[Anonymous]

The comments about unfinished business ring true. It may not have worked out in the long run, but I wish I had given it more time.

[Anonymous]

I don’t have one. But I know my ex think I’m the one who got away.

I will say that Dh and I got together young and it was younger than both of us wanted. We wanted to focus on grad school and careers but decided to stay together. I chose a different grad school than I would have otherwise. Zero regrets. I knew if I didn’t stay with him young that he’d be the one who got away. We married at 25 and people thought that was too young and we should date around more.

[Anonymous]

Yes but I think I only feel that way because he’s the only guy who ever dumped me.

[Anonymous]

Nope!

[Anonymous]

Nope, but then again I always threw any mementos from old boyfriends out, as soon as we broke up actually. I also cannot imagine grown men with families who haven’t seen me in years sitting around ruminating about me and how I got away. Who are you people?!?

[Anonymous]

I think I am the one who got away for an emotionally abusive exbf who basically told me as much (see emotionally abusive note).

I don’t have one who got away, but one I think of often with “what if?” We had insane chemistry in all the ways, but nothing physical ever happened bc I was always in a relationship. We are both married and have kids, careers, etc., and lived states apart. But the unexplored nature of it keeps the tiniest of sparks there years later.

[Anonymous]

I do. Our lives were on different paths.