Are kids meaner these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The use snap chap and Insta to bully now.

True. Here’s an example: say a kid walks out of the restroom with a piece of toilet paper stuck to their shoe, or worse: stuck in their waste-band.

OK, in the past, a few kids saw it and laughed a little, then forgot.

Not now though. Now, someone takes a video or photo and shares it over Snap. To the whole school.

The whole school saves image and shares it even more. And attaches increasingly mean Nick names, insults, etc. maybe ads cruel memes, and keeps re-sending it.

For months. Maybe from MS into HS.

Thanks to social media, school is a whole lot more cruel than ever before.

I wholeheartedly agree with this. Are kids meaner? Probably not. But do they have a much larger audience now and the poor targets can’t at least escape it at home? Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The use snap chap and Insta to bully now.

True. Here’s an example: say a kid walks out of the restroom with a piece of toilet paper stuck to their shoe, or worse: stuck in their waste-band.

OK, in the past, a few kids saw it and laughed a little, then forgot.

Not now though. Now, someone takes a video or photo and shares it over Snap. To the whole school.

The whole school saves image and shares it even more. And attaches increasingly mean Nick names, insults, etc. maybe ads cruel memes, and keeps re-sending it.

For months. Maybe from MS into HS.

Thanks to social media, school is a whole lot more cruel than ever before.

Exactly this. Mean comments that once would have been limited to five seconds in the hallway are now permanent, public, and have a wider audience. Unfortunately, negative social media posts tend to get more engagement, so kids hyper-scrutinize, roast, and film each other constantly in search of content. Nothing they do is private. It’s really dystopian.

I’ve also observed that at our MS, the mean kids tend to go the hardest after the kids who are semi-popular or successful in some way. Maybe it’s crab bucket syndrome.

[Anonymous]

I just don't see it. There's so much support and acceptance of "different" kids. They can find cliques online too if they can't at their school.

When my youngest was in pre-K, a pregnant friend asked him if he knew she was pregnant. He nodded and she asked him how he knew? He said he wasn't allowed to say it out loud how he knew (meaning he can't call people fat). Finally we got him to say that her stomach was getting bigger. It was very funny. Over the years I've seen my kids say such kind things and their friends are the same. Kids were really nasty when I was in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I know that kids have been making other kids miserable since the dawn of time, but seeing and hearing about my HS DD's life makes me shiver.

It seems like everyone, independent of social status or clique, just seems to go after one and other for sport. DD is mild mannered, popular and typically kind, but freely admits that she's complicit in this type behavior on a regular basis. It's like they have nothing else to do but talk sh$t about each other nonstop, even their closest friends. And of course, with social media in the mix, they have endless opportunities and avenues to do so.

There have always been bullies and queen bees, but today's kids seem to be so much more aggressive and unapologetic about it. DD has a "if you can't beat them, join them" attitude which I find equally disturbing and yet also a survival skill. I know at the end of the day it weighs heavily on her and I just can't help but feel sad.

My teen years were no breeze, but so much of what's going on today truly makes my head spin. Has this been your experience?

I think this is a revelation to you that many mean kids are often not mean by nature and intention, but by insecurity and fear of being targeted themselves. The majority of mean kids at school don’t “start it”. They follow the lead of someone else. It takes a lot of confidence and maturity to be nice when your friends are being mean.

[Anonymous]

No they're much nicer. There's so much more awareness of bullying and kids are constantly chastising other kids "That's not kind." Every kid complains if they're not invited to sit with who they want to sit with at lunch and it's called bullying. It's ridiculous. Nobody ever just walks past a kid and punches them in the face anymore for simply having a punchable face, like the good old days.

[Anonymous]

My experience is that we had way less parental oversight and therefore were meaner than kids today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't see it. There's so much support and acceptance of "different" kids. They can find cliques online too if they can't at their school.

When my youngest was in pre-K, a pregnant friend asked him if he knew she was pregnant. He nodded and she asked him how he knew? He said he wasn't allowed to say it out loud how he knew (meaning he can't call people fat). Finally we got him to say that her stomach was getting bigger. It was very funny. Over the years I've seen my kids say such kind things and their friends are the same. Kids were really nasty when I was in school.

Just because you don’t see it, doesn't meant it’s not there. Bullying takes a different form. See a prior PP’s comment about how “quirky” kids are left alone, but other students-maybe those on the periphery-are targeted. Racism, anti-female rhetoric, slut shaming, fat jokes it’s happening all day, every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

The popular kids have always been the mean kids.

Only in the movies. There was a group of “alternative “ kids at my son’s high school who picked on vulnerable kids. They were awful. My daughter was popular and did not bully others. They do fight over boys as embarrassing as that is to admit. I do know that a handful of mothers were the worst instigators trying to control who was friends with their child. They also did a lot of their daughter’s work for them so they wouldn’t fail.


OP, you are aware that your daughter is mean. You need to do something about it. That’s the only way it will get better.

[Anonymous]

I think kids are nicer and much more accepting of different cultures, genders, identities, etc. I do see that social media negates some of this, but overall I think kids are much more accepting and open than they were when I was in high school in the 90s.

[Anonymous]

I think Biff Tannen style bullying has gone down a lot. On the other hand Regina George bullying has gone up, and many of them figure out how to use the anti-bullying as a weapon, as well as therapy speak, anti-racism speak, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If your daughter is mean “on a regular basis” she’s part of the problem. As long as she hurts other people she cannot be considered a kind person.

Empathy is missing from these type of kids. How else would they be able to make someone else miserable.

This. Yes kids are meaner. Why is your daughter one of them? You need to look at yourself and your parenting to find the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think Biff Tannen style bullying has gone down a lot. On the other hand Regina George bullying has gone up, and many of them figure out how to use the anti-bullying as a weapon, as well as therapy speak, anti-racism speak, etc.

+100000 Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

The popular kids have always been the mean kids.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe on SM? Just read through DCUM. There are downright nasty people on here. There is a lot of hate and mean and nasty comments. I can imagine it’s the same with kids.

+1

Came to say the same. The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. All the rude adults on DCUM who have no filter calling everyone stupid idiots for everything.

They have the rude kids in school bullying everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

This. Eat or be eaten.

Friend at work has a beautiful popular daughter. Befriends many people. Other girls quickly turned on her in MS. Lunchroom was something out of a movie. Some "friends" jealous as boys noticed her, other pissed she might be expanding the circle and/or upsetting the girls' hierarchy. My more nerdy kid and his friends completely not on anyone's radar at big HS.

Sounds like middle aged moms in certain suburbs. Wonder where these kids learn such behavior?

People say things like this and it's such a head scratcher to me. If you find yourself in this type of environment as an adult with free will and maturity on your side, time to re-evaluate your own life choices.

I mean my biggest interaction with these types is the end of year class party. Not exactly something I'm whining about when it's only a couple of hours easy to survive as an adult.