Are kids meaner these days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

The popular kids have always been the mean kids.

[Anonymous]

Kids are more tuned-in to social media now.

Social media is mean. And it makes being mean so much easier.

End result: kid are far more mean now.

[Anonymous]

The use snap chap and Insta to bully now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids seem as mean as they were in my day. No difference except the kids are quicker to recognize it and call it by its name, bullying. And the schools pay more attention. We were just told to do the "I'm rubber you're glue" nonsense that didn't work. Adults didn't try to sort out the problems by getting counselors involved or talk to all the kids.

Here's the thing though. Kids of any social standing will never ever report it to anyone as that's social suicide. This goes along with what a PP said and why certain groups are experiencing less bullying. Because adults do intervene and the kids know adults will intervene.

When counselors or adults talk to the kids about this as a general concept, the mean ones just go more underground.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The use snap chap and Insta to bully now.

True. Here’s an example: say a kid walks out of the restroom with a piece of toilet paper stuck to their shoe, or worse: stuck in their waste-band.

OK, in the past, a few kids saw it and laughed a little, then forgot.

Not now though. Now, someone takes a video or photo and shares it over Snap. To the whole school.

The whole school saves image and shares it even more. And attaches increasingly mean Nick names, insults, etc. maybe ads cruel memes, and keeps re-sending it.

For months. Maybe from MS into HS.

Thanks to social media, school is a whole lot more cruel than ever before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

This. Eat or be eaten.

Friend at work has a beautiful popular daughter. Befriends many people. Other girls quickly turned on her in MS. Lunchroom was something out of a movie. Some "friends" jealous as boys noticed her, other pissed she might be expanding the circle and/or upsetting the girls' hierarchy. My more nerdy kid and his friends completely not on anyone's radar at big HS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

This. Eat or be eaten.

Friend at work has a beautiful popular daughter. Befriends many people. Other girls quickly turned on her in MS. Lunchroom was something out of a movie. Some "friends" jealous as boys noticed her, other pissed she might be expanding the circle and/or upsetting the girls' hierarchy. My more nerdy kid and his friends completely not on anyone's radar at big HS.

Sounds like middle aged moms in certain suburbs. Wonder where these kids learn such behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

NP. The bolded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

This. Eat or be eaten.

Friend at work has a beautiful popular daughter. Befriends many people. Other girls quickly turned on her in MS. Lunchroom was something out of a movie. Some "friends" jealous as boys noticed her, other pissed she might be expanding the circle and/or upsetting the girls' hierarchy. My more nerdy kid and his friends completely not on anyone's radar at big HS.

Sounds like middle aged moms in certain suburbs. Wonder where these kids learn such behavior?

People say things like this and it's such a head scratcher to me. If you find yourself in this type of environment as an adult with free will and maturity on your side, time to re-evaluate your own life choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My experience has been the opposite, that kids are nicer. My HS daughter is autistic and has not experienced the teasing or bullying that she would have in my school growing up.

Have you talked to your daughter about her role in the meanness?

This. I'm a teacher and we focus our SEL lessons on kindness, empathy, and inclusion. It's much harder in higher grades but for the most part, kids in my ES are nice to each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

NP. The bolded.

100%. This is my DD's experience. I would love for her to look for a different group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

This. Eat or be eaten.

Friend at work has a beautiful popular daughter. Befriends many people. Other girls quickly turned on her in MS. Lunchroom was something out of a movie. Some "friends" jealous as boys noticed her, other pissed she might be expanding the circle and/or upsetting the girls' hierarchy. My more nerdy kid and his friends completely not on anyone's radar at big HS.

Showing now at Middle schools everywhere

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. I think the complete opposite. Kids are soooo nice now. There never are school fights the way I remember them (daily!). I saw a kid get killed and the ambulance definitely came regularly to our school. The violence now is normally one kid going berserk on everyone or the teacher and not two kids fighting. The things my kids talk about being "bullying" are just not in my mind. They're so minor compared to the straight up emotional abuse I saw at my high school.

Well I guess it’s all relative 😂
I went to a suburban public, and my kids do too, albeit in a different part of the country from where I grew up. And I can categorically say that kids are more mean than I remember. My kid is having a “Heathers” experience. Whereas I experienced typical cliques and social groups but everyone was generally nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think relational aggression among popular kids is as high as it ever was if not worse.

I think kids who are not in this group or even more so have any kind of noted difference that makes them not a fair target...not neurotypical, LGBTQ, or really just even a "loner", "weird", whatever the word is, those kids get left alone far more than they did in our day.

My take is some kids are still the same amount of mean and they have fewer "allowed" channels to be mean so they turn on more of a smaller group to unleash the mean.

In other words, the popular kids have turned on themselves because they've gotten the message to leave vulnerable kids alone? If you're right, I don't have much sympathy for them, or the OP's daughter.

This was described to me by my teenager and it kind of made sense to me. He was in the popular crowd (and I observed what he was experiencing) and was pretty miserable and slowly moved away and found a "nerdier" crowd and is much happier. They are nice to each other. I think there is an element in the popular crowd of always being aware of your place and feeling panicked to protect it too. So it only takes a couple mean kids to really get all the rest of them to participate in the dynamic even if they know better or it's not their genuine nature. Eat or be eaten. They want to be in the group so go along even if they're not having a very good time.

Yup. Completely agree with this assessment