Is 4 years too much of an age gap?

[Anonymous]

My BF and my sister both had their third when their older two were 9 and 6. The baby siblings are very loved!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have kids who are 4 years apart, any pros/cons? It is too much like completely redoing the baby years?

In some ways it's nice because each baby gets undivided attention. Instead of thinking of "redoing" think of it as experiencing the baby years with a different person!

[Anonymous]

No, it’s fine, and easier in the baby years.

[Anonymous]

2 boys, 4 years apart. Very close all along (they’re now 20 and 16) I think it’s because they have personalities that complement each other, have not had to “compete” with each other even when they’ve been in the same activity. Getting to have their individual experience in school has helped.


Big Con? We had 1 drop off for all of 2 years when they were in ES. Oh and one will graduate from college 2 weeks before the other graduates from high school, but that’s my logistical nightmare. Not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have kids who are 4 years apart, any pros/cons? It is too much like completely redoing the baby years?

I actually enjoyed the larger gap because I could prolong the baby years. I am surprised how many people don’t enjoy that phase of life.

[Anonymous]

I have an older boy and a younger girl, a bit over 4 years apart. They're 12 and 8 now. It's working out great and they do actually share interests and hang out. They actually have a sophisticated system of trade between their toys, older passes books to younger, we go skating and skiing together etc. 12 yo is a bit of know it all and sometimes feels we're being "too easy" on the 8 yo (like giving in to her when she whines) and 8 yo feels jealous that he has more allowance and privileges (like walking to and from school on his own etc) just because he's older. Also, they were only in the same school (elementary school) briefly and will never be in the same school together again, but eh, it's just a thing, not necessarily good or bad.

All in all, this isn't really a thing to worry about IMO. Kids are individuals and have their own personalities. Being/not being close to each other isn't just a function of age gap, changes over time etc. There are also advantages and disadvantages in terms of getting done with baby years early vs college payments vs everything else in life...

[Anonymous]

My sister, who is 4.5 years younger than me is my best friend. We were incredibly close growing up and all throughout early adult hood.

Our kids love being with their cousins too!

We are 40 and 35 now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6 years between mine. They're at different developmental stages, so we divide and conquer often. However, no sibling rivalry, they love each other to pieces, older one look after the little one, who looks up to her so much! Lots of individual time for each so they both think they're our favorites - and they're both right.

Pros and cons to each way you do it. Just take what God gives you and work with that.

Mine are 6, almost 7 yrs. apart. I feel exactly the same way. My own sibling and I are 8 years apart and everything turned out fine.

Some other people spoke about not being able to do things together. It depends on the activity. As long as the parents are dividing fairly, the kids actually enjoy getting that one-on-one time with a parent doing something fun and interesting. It's not always a bad thing...I remember having to flip a coin to decide who got to leave the crowded beach and go take the littler one back to the hotel pool and have a tiki drink.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have kids who are 4 years apart, any pros/cons? It is too much like completely redoing the baby years?

I have an almost 5-year age gap. There were times when it was hard to redo all the baby years but at other times it was just lovely and bittersweet especially since I wasn't planning to have more. Not having to pay for two preschool tuitions has been great. We shall see what the future holds for overlap in college.

Sibling relationships are always going to be a roll of the dice. Some siblings get along great and others don't and age gap is just one factor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2 boys, 4 years apart. Very close all along (they’re now 20 and 16) I think it’s because they have personalities that complement each other, have not had to “compete” with each other even when they’ve been in the same activity. Getting to have their individual experience in school has helped.


Big Con? We had 1 drop off for all of 2 years when they were in ES. Oh and one will graduate from college 2 weeks before the other graduates from high school, but that’s my logistical nightmare. Not theirs.

tell me about it, we are going to have a bar mitzvah and high school graduation within a month of each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have kids who are 4 years apart, any pros/cons? It is too much like completely redoing the baby years?

Imho its good, actually 5 is better. You can give undivided attention to first one then once they start full time KG, you can have another one and give that kid a lot of undivided attention as well. When older one comes back, you are done with chores spending quality time with the baby so you can focus more on your first baby's needs. Her studies and activities etc.

[Anonymous]

Imho with little difference in age of two babies, neither gets undivided attention. What's the rush?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:6 years between mine. They're at different developmental stages, so we divide and conquer often. However, no sibling rivalry, they love each other to pieces, older one look after the little one, who looks up to her so much! Lots of individual time for each so they both think they're our favorites - and they're both right.

Pros and cons to each way you do it. Just take what God gives you and work with that.

Mine are 6, almost 7 yrs. apart. I feel exactly the same way. My own sibling and I are 8 years apart and everything turned out fine.

Some other people spoke about not being able to do things together. It depends on the activity. As long as the parents are dividing fairly, the kids actually enjoy getting that one-on-one time with a parent doing something fun and interesting. It's not always a bad thing...I remember having to flip a coin to decide who got to leave the crowded beach and go take the littler one back to the hotel pool and have a tiki drink.

Yeah my husband and I use the divide-and-conquer strategy a lot. Or we find things both kids can enjoy in different ways. Our kids have very different personalities one is a very extroverted, dramatic, social butterfly and a daredevil. The other is more cautious introverted and introspective. I think that has made it the most interesting contrast between the two of them more than their age or gender

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those who have kids who are 4 years apart, any pros/cons? It is too much like completely redoing the baby years?

Dont assume you can procreate on a rigid schedule. Miscarriages happen. Any age gap is fine, honestly. Most of the so-called "ideal" gaps are not really well-supported by large, long-term studies. Fankly, the happiest kids and adults I know are onlies. I wish my parents had stopped at 1, and sometimes I wish I had also stopped at 1.

[Anonymous]

I would have the kids closer so they are more likely to be friends.