Is 4 years too much of an age gap?
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Anonymous
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OP I am about to have an almost 7 year age gap so I hope 4 isnt too much!
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Anonymous
| In my experience over many years of parenting, in the families who do this, its easier on the parents and the kids "get along" but are not really close. They are just in different phases of life. |
Anonymous
Correct but in my own experience, we are close as adults. I think it also depends on temperament and family involvement. I see a lot of older siblings being super encouraging and involved with the younger siblings- think high school and late elem/early middle so 16 and 10 as an example. College and early professional years can make it difficult to maintain and then by the time the eldest is out of those years the youngest is entering them so it does take some catch up time. Youll see a bit of parentification with spreads larger than that especially if the female is the much older sibling ex. >12 years between eldest female and youngest kid. Divorce also affects kid relationships if the kids are split up and so do combined families when parents remarry. |
Anonymous
| Mine are about 4.5 years apart (older dd, younger ds). Growing up they fought a TON. None of this rosy "my kids are best friends" stuff here. Now they're college/high school age and do get along very well but arent particularly close that i can see. None of this is probably particularly age related, very different people. Also always at different life stages. |
Anonymous
I have 3 siblings and I’m closest to the one who is 6 years older than me. We talk every day. |
Anonymous
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I have three: 9, 7, and 1. The baby has been nothing but a joy to us all.
There’s no formula for this. |
Anonymous
| Lots of divide and conquer. One parent taking older kid(s) to do things, other parent staying with baby/younger kid. Not interested in the same movies, vacations, family activities, etc. My sister and her husband are almost never at the same place as one another. |
Anonymous
| Mine are 5 years apart, different genders. They get along great, but their interests don't overlap at all, so the girl is often with me, while the boy is my DH. |
Anonymous
My DH has 3 siblings who are 3, 7, and 10 years older. In childhood and young adulthood, he was always very close to the sibling who was closest in age, but that shifted when they were in their 30s. They really are very (very) different people. Gradually DH became closer to his eldest sibling and now in his late 50s, the eldest is the one he talks to every week. He doesn't communicate much with the other two. |
Anonymous
| My boys are 5.5 years apart. Once they were, say 4 and 9, we actually didn't have that much trouble doing things as a family, though we did do a lot of dividing & conquering because of sports. They always played together (or side-by-side) pretty well, and DS1 adored his younger brother from day one so he liked doing things with him. But when DS1 went to college, their relationship kind of dropped off. Now they are both young adults and get along ok, not great. When they are together, they argue about current events and politics a lot, LOL. 19-year-old DS2 still has a bit of the sullen teen attitude about him, so I'm hoping their relationship will improve as he ages. |
Anonymous
I have a 7 year age gap with my kids and it’s been wonderful. I also have an 8 year age gap with my brother. Zero sibling rivalry. |
Anonymous
| 4.5 years between my first two, and I really think it has a lot to do with their extreme rivalry, at least until recently and now that they are both teens. Both girls. |
Anonymous
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My two girls are 5 years apart (currently 9 and 14).
It was the age gap I chose and I honestly couldn’t imagine it any other way. I was just talking about with my coworker the other day all the things I loved about their age gap. I loved having the first 5 years with my oldest, it was such a special time when it was just us and I remember it so fondly. Then she started kindergarten and I got to really focus on my newborn. I’m the type of mom that can get overstimulated easily and I’m not the best multitasker so this timeline for parenting little ones was perfect for me. Mine fight more than I imagined they would with a 5 year age gap, but by the same token they also have a lot in common and are probably much closer than siblings who are 5 years apart usually are. They like the similar types of music, extracurricular activities, fashion etc. My younger daughter is always trying to be just like her big sister, my older one gets annoyed about it sometimes but other times they have a blast together. They are far enough apart in age that they aren’t constantly being compared which is nice for them. One is over the top good in school but shyer and more reserved and the other is less keen on school but the life of the party. I feel like because they are in such different life stages things like social life, grades, success in extracurriculars between them aren’t compared which I think benefits them both. I absolutely love having kids in two life stages at any given time. I appreciate the variety. The 5 year gap is perfect for our family!! |
Anonymous
| I have a brother who is 4 years younger than me and he’s one of my best friends! All the siblings I know who are a year are two apart from each other are not so close and have a lot of rivalry issues. |
Anonymous
| My four are all 2 years or so apart and my 8 and 4 year olds are great pals. So are the ten and six year olds.it’s only the eight and six who squabble. |