How to get over rejection from dream school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of these posts…there are gobs of them if you search DCUM.

There is no perfect school so it was all a lie anyway. You should never have let your kid think this way which is your fault.

Tell them life is hard, give them a couple of days to grieve then have them focus on all the great things about the schools they were accepted.

How do you know OP did her kid thing that way? As a parent, you encourage your kids to work hard school get good grades and work hard to get to a good college. The problem is your kid who has done all that didn't get accepted, while others do. The kids have to think of some college to go to and work towards that but still not accepted. That is not easy to deal as a parent and OP is just trying to find out from others.

Well…if my kid said their dream school is X, I would quickly tell my kid there is no such thing as a dream school. How hard is that?

For literally every school that looks like X there are dozens of equivalents.

Ok, how do you guide your kid to apply for college? Apply as many and see where you can get in. So we can learn from it.

My kid is interested in a bunch of the big southern schools. I told my kid that Clemson, Auburn, UGA, South Carolina, Alabama etc are far more similar than they are different.

Apply to 10-12…we will find true safety equivalents as well (those are definitely targets for my kid). Once the dust settles, we visit (already visited some) and figure out what seems like the best option.

Make sense?

And what happens if the child is interested to go to Duke, UNC or UVA and has the stats?

You tell them that so do lots of other kids and that stats alone don’t determine where they will get in. And you get them thinking about a range of schools where they can be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the poster who is sick of these whining parent posts. Teach typing child to be resilient and to not to prescribe to thoughts of there being a perfect school. That's absurd. To teach your child that they will be fine and you get them excited about the options they do have.

I'm sick of jerks like you. You're making a lot of assumptions about what those parents are and are not teaching their children, for one. You know absolutely NOTHING about that. And judging them for being disappointed. And demonstrating unbelievable lack of empathy and humanity. Shame on you and all of you.

If you're sick of it, move on to another topic instead of coming here and spreading your toxicity. The fact you are unable to do that, demonstrating lack of impulse control that is little better than a toddler, is what's absurd.

It’s the same toxic poster over and over. She has a recognizable toxic style….

I agree with her 100 percent. OP is a big whiny baby who isn’t doing her kid any favors. It’s college - not a marriage. There’s more than one perfect fit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child was deferred and eventually rejected from their dream/target school last year. No reason why they shouldn't have gotten in based on stats, test scores, ECs, essays, etc. I will forever be angry about it.

And, child is thriving where they are. When we visited over family weekend, and I made a comment having seen a bumper sticker on car in front of us, child told me to get over it because they are happy where they are and are where they are meant to be.

Nice. You’re letting your kid know you’re disappointed in them. So now they’re the one who has to be the adult. Well done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe teens deep down are still looking to us and still want our approval. So show them in every way that you are not disappointed, that they did amazingly well, and that you love the options they have. Remind them they can be as or more successful where they land. Nothing is determined.

To do this well, you have to sincerely feel that way yourself. Our Instagram society is constantly pushing the wrong message in terms of prestige, but we need to be better and wiser for our children’s sake.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of these posts…there are gobs of them if you search DCUM.

There is no perfect school so it was all a lie anyway. You should never have let your kid think this way which is your fault.

Tell them life is hard, give them a couple of days to grieve then have them focus on all the great things about the schools they were accepted.

How do you know OP did her kid thing that way? As a parent, you encourage your kids to work hard school get good grades and work hard to get to a good college. The problem is your kid who has done all that didn't get accepted, while others do. The kids have to think of some college to go to and work towards that but still not accepted. That is not easy to deal as a parent and OP is just trying to find out from others.

Well…if my kid said their dream school is X, I would quickly tell my kid there is no such thing as a dream school. How hard is that?

For literally every school that looks like X there are dozens of equivalents.

Ok, how do you guide your kid to apply for college? Apply as many and see where you can get in. So we can learn from it.

My kid is interested in a bunch of the big southern schools. I told my kid that Clemson, Auburn, UGA, South Carolina, Alabama etc are far more similar than they are different.

Apply to 10-12…we will find true safety equivalents as well (those are definitely targets for my kid). Once the dust settles, we visit (already visited some) and figure out what seems like the best option.

Make sense?

And what happens if the child is interested to go to Duke, UNC or UVA and has the stats?

They can lob in an application…but none of those are a dream school and they completely understand that acceptances are low.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe teens deep down are still looking to us and still want our approval. So show them in every way that you are not disappointed, that they did amazingly well, and that you love the options they have. Remind them they can be as or more successful where they land. Nothing is determined.

To do this well, you have to sincerely feel that way yourself. Our Instagram society is constantly pushing the wrong message in terms of prestige, but we need to be better and wiser for our children’s sake.

This is the only part I disagree with. You absolutely can do this well while dealing with your own disappointment. Kids don’t make teams, kids don’t get parts in plays, kids don’t get put in front in the recital—how often has this happened and we were angry/disappointed/sad l because we believed that our kids deserved a different outcome? Parenting is often about hiding that feeling and helping your kid feel OK about the outcome, having them know you are proud of them no matter what, making sure they know that their success and happiness is not tied up in any one outcome. It’s also about letting them feel sad without burdening them with your own sadness, even if you’re feeling it. We’re human and allowed to have feelings, even irrational ones. The key is to understand how your feelings affect your kids and modulate accordingly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was perfect in all regards. When multiple friends got in and will go.

Name the school and we'll tear it apart for you.

Love this! But it’s true, someone’s got something negative to say about every school out there.

Let us rip !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of these posts…there are gobs of them if you search DCUM.

There is no perfect school so it was all a lie anyway. You should never have let your kid think this way which is your fault.

Tell them life is hard, give them a couple of days to grieve then have them focus on all the great things about the schools they were accepted.

How do you know OP did her kid thing that way? As a parent, you encourage your kids to work hard school get good grades and work hard to get to a good college. The problem is your kid who has done all that didn't get accepted, while others do. The kids have to think of some college to go to and work towards that but still not accepted. That is not easy to deal as a parent and OP is just trying to find out from others.

Well…if my kid said their dream school is X, I would quickly tell my kid there is no such thing as a dream school. How hard is that?

For literally every school that looks like X there are dozens of equivalents.

Ok, how do you guide your kid to apply for college? Apply as many and see where you can get in. So we can learn from it.

My kid is interested in a bunch of the big southern schools. I told my kid that Clemson, Auburn, UGA, South Carolina, Alabama etc are far more similar than they are different.

Apply to 10-12…we will find true safety equivalents as well (those are definitely targets for my kid). Once the dust settles, we visit (already visited some) and figure out what seems like the best option.

Make sense?

And what happens if the child is interested to go to Duke, UNC or UVA and has the stats?

Plenty of kids have the stats. You need to understand that it’s a lottery at this point. Your first mistake is calling any school a “dream school”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the poster who is sick of these whining parent posts. Teach typing child to be resilient and to not to prescribe to thoughts of there being a perfect school. That's absurd. To teach your child that they will be fine and you get them excited about the options they do have.

I'm sick of jerks like you. You're making a lot of assumptions about what those parents are and are not teaching their children, for one. You know absolutely NOTHING about that. And judging them for being disappointed. And demonstrating unbelievable lack of empathy and humanity. Shame on you and all of you.

If you're sick of it, move on to another topic instead of coming here and spreading your toxicity. The fact you are unable to do that, demonstrating lack of impulse control that is little better than a toddler, is what's absurd.

It’s the same toxic poster over and over. She has a recognizable toxic style….

Is this the poster whose kid didn’t get into UMCP?

[Anonymous]

My son got into my two top choices that waitlisted me 30-some years ago (when I had serious stats and lesser from my school got in).

And my 80-year old mom texted me “pay back for his momma”. It cracked me up. You still remember the screw jobs, but you move on.

Im really sorry. I know the feeling, but I ended up doing better than those other kids and my third choice ended up being a blast where I made lifelong friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I believe teens deep down are still looking to us and still want our approval. So show them in every way that you are not disappointed, that they did amazingly well, and that you love the options they have. Remind them they can be as or more successful where they land. Nothing is determined.

To do this well, you have to sincerely feel that way yourself. Our Instagram society is constantly pushing the wrong message in terms of prestige, but we need to be better and wiser for our children’s sake.

Agree with this. And truly, where you go to school means very little in the big picture. It’s what they do at school and what opportunities they grab that makes all the difference. I have a couple neighbors that went to Ivy schools and they are making under 150k (academic and arts jobs) and meanwhile my University of Toledo grad friend makes over a million.

[Anonymous]

All the successful people I know are disappointed when a goal is not reached. It’s a normal part of being ambitious.

Hell yes you should be disappointed when your goal is not achieved, and it should motivate you toward your next goal.

This is called “life”.

The people who call disappointed kids “snowflakes” and the like - those that say “don’t have a dream xxx” - you people are the worst, and your advice is worthless. I have no idea what motivates you to post such nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the poster who is sick of these whining parent posts. Teach typing child to be resilient and to not to prescribe to thoughts of there being a perfect school. That's absurd. To teach your child that they will be fine and you get them excited about the options they do have.

I'm sick of jerks like you. You're making a lot of assumptions about what those parents are and are not teaching their children, for one. You know absolutely NOTHING about that. And judging them for being disappointed. And demonstrating unbelievable lack of empathy and humanity. Shame on you and all of you.

If you're sick of it, move on to another topic instead of coming here and spreading your toxicity. The fact you are unable to do that, demonstrating lack of impulse control that is little better than a toddler, is what's absurd.

Thank you -op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our child was deferred and eventually rejected from their dream/target school last year. No reason why they shouldn't have gotten in based on stats, test scores, ECs, essays, etc. I will forever be angry about it.

And, child is thriving where they are. When we visited over family weekend, and I made a comment having seen a bumper sticker on car in front of us, child told me to get over it because they are happy where they are and are
where they are meant to be.

Lol that would be me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD got rejected from her dream school summer before senior year during the athletic recruiting process. It was completely unexpected and a very long, sad summer. She was able to commit to a very high academic D1 school that had told her she had a spot if she wanted earlier in her junior year. But she was unhappy about that most of her senior year, honestly. On the outside, she faked it to the world, announcing her commitment and wearing the gear. But when the first classmate got into her dream school at ED, that was rough. Then another at RD. To be honest, she just never really got over it. She's crushing it her first year at this second-choice school, academically and athletically, has made great friends and is having a lot of fun. But, she is throwing in an application to transfer to the dream school for the heck of it. I think whether she gets in or not, she'll stay put and this can finally put it behind her. But OP, despite everybody here saying you just get excited and move on, it's just not always the case. I am very proud of my DD for doing her best to fake the enthusiasm, but for those who truly fall in love with a place, especially one that seems to be in reach and the right fit in every way, it's tough. Sorry I don't have advice, just sharing our experience.

You failed as a parent.

Your kid wants to go to that school not because of academics.