How to get over rejection from dream school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe teens deep down are still looking to us and still want our approval. So show them in every way that you are not disappointed, that they did amazingly well, and that you love the options they have. Remind them they can be as or more successful where they land. Nothing is determined.

To do this well, you have to sincerely feel that way yourself. Our Instagram society is constantly pushing the wrong message in terms of prestige, but we need to be better and wiser for our children’s sake.

Agree with this. And truly, where you go to school means very little in the big picture. It’s what they do at school and what opportunities they grab that makes all the difference. I have a couple neighbors that went to Ivy schools and they are making under 150k (academic and arts jobs) and meanwhile my University of Toledo grad friend makes over a million.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of these posts…there are gobs of them if you search DCUM.

There is no perfect school so it was all a lie anyway. You should never have let your kid think this way which is your fault.

Tell them life is hard, give them a couple of days to grieve then have them focus on all the great things about the schools they were accepted.

If you’re so sick of something just move on to the next. No need to crap all over a parent dealing with a real problem.

DP: But part of the reason this problem continues to exist is because parents let their kids fall into the "dream school" mentality without prepping the kid for the fact that a school with single digit acceptance rates is a crap shoot for EVERYONE! Part of our job as parents is to let our kids dream but also infuse a bit of reality for them so they are not beyond depressed if they don't get in and friends do.
That can be done if you have an excellent list of schools to apply to (ie not all reach schools)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the successful people I know are disappointed when a goal is not reached. It’s a normal part of being ambitious.

Hell yes you should be disappointed when your goal is not achieved, and it should motivate you toward your next goal.

This is called “life”.

The people who call disappointed kids “snowflakes” and the like - those that say “don’t have a dream xxx” - you people are the worst, and your advice is worthless. I have no idea what motivates you to post such nonsense.

It is good to have a "dream". However, as a parent it's your job to help your kid with the college process. And letting them get into a "dream school or die" mindset when the school is a reach for everyone (as is the case for many elite schools) is not a healthy mindset. At least make sure they understand they have worked hard, have the resume to compete/buy the lottery ticket, but after that it's just that, a lottery where only 5-8% will get accepted. and plenty of excellent kids will get rejected. It doesn't reflect on who you are there are still excellent choices out there and let's find that school for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sick of these posts…there are gobs of them if you search DCUM.

There is no perfect school so it was all a lie anyway. You should never have let your kid think this way which is your fault.

Tell them life is hard, give them a couple of days to grieve then have them focus on all the great things about the schools they were accepted.

You're sick of these posts yet you're reading and responding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All the successful people I know are disappointed when a goal is not reached. It’s a normal part of being ambitious.

Hell yes you should be disappointed when your goal is not achieved, and it should motivate you toward your next goal.

This is called “life”.

The people who call disappointed kids “snowflakes” and the like - those that say “don’t have a dream xxx” - you people are the worst, and your advice is worthless. I have no idea what motivates you to post such nonsense.

Most successful people don’t mope and cry when they don’t reach a goal. They suck it up and move onto the next goal.

So…not really understanding your point.

[Anonymous]

"dream school" is such an immature, irresponsible approach

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was perfect in all regards. When multiple friends got in and will go.

Sucks but it all comes down to luck.

[Anonymous]

Love the school which loves you back.

[Anonymous]

This is probably a 17 yr old. Why are we expecting adult level maturity?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe teens deep down are still looking to us and still want our approval. So show them in every way that you are not disappointed, that they did amazingly well, and that you love the options they have. Remind them they can be as or more successful where they land. Nothing is determined.

To do this well, you have to sincerely feel that way yourself. Our Instagram society is constantly pushing the wrong message in terms of prestige, but we need to be better and wiser for our children’s sake.

Agree with this. And truly, where you go to school means very little in the big picture. It’s what they do at school and what opportunities they grab that makes all the difference. I have a couple neighbors that went to Ivy schools and they are making under 150k (academic and arts jobs) and meanwhile my University of Toledo grad friend makes over a million.

+1

Making 150 k as a tenured prof at gtown in a self actualizing job is way better than making a million in industry

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe teens deep down are still looking to us and still want our approval. So show them in every way that you are not disappointed, that they did amazingly well, and that you love the options they have. Remind them they can be as or more successful where they land. Nothing is determined.

To do this well, you have to sincerely feel that way yourself. Our Instagram society is constantly pushing the wrong message in terms of prestige, but we need to be better and wiser for our children’s sake.

+1

Agree completely. So well said. DS got rejected last year by his first choice and I really believe that our initial reaction that night and in the week that followed was critical to his moving on. Knowing that we are still proud of them and in their corner and excited for whatever is next-- it goes a long way.

[Anonymous]

OP - you are expressing natural feelings. It’s ok to have dreams for your kid and sounds like he was close to achieving them, so it understandably stings when it doesn’t pan out. Agree with PP that your reactions are being watched by DS. That alone will help motivate you to move on. Also, these are tough admissions cycles. With test optional, it’s much more of a crap shoot. Comparing to others is of no use. Just want to commiserate- this process is hard. But I bet a year from now you will see your DS thriving and moved on from this - hopefully you will be too. Signed a Fellow empathetic parent of a senior year HS son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - you are expressing natural feelings. It’s ok to have dreams for your kid and sounds like he was close to achieving them, so it understandably stings when it doesn’t pan out. Agree with PP that your reactions are being watched by DS. That alone will help motivate you to move on. Also, these are tough admissions cycles. With test optional, it’s much more of a crap shoot. Comparing to others is of no use. Just want to commiserate- this process is hard. But I bet a year from now you will see your DS thriving and moved on from this - hopefully you will be too. Signed a Fellow empathetic parent of a senior year HS son.

I’m a NP on this thread.

To the PP:
Your empathetic and insightful response to the OP helps me keep faith in humanity. I’m thankful that people like you are on this forum and you make a difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That was perfect in all regards. When multiple friends got in and will go.

transfer in after a year somewhere else. Happens more than you think and it is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I believe teens deep down are still looking to us and still want our approval. So show them in every way that you are not disappointed, that they did amazingly well, and that you love the options they have. Remind them they can be as or more successful where they land. Nothing is determined.

To do this well, you have to sincerely feel that way yourself. Our Instagram society is constantly pushing the wrong message in terms of prestige, but we need to be better and wiser for our children’s sake.

Agree with this. And truly, where you go to school means very little in the big picture. It’s what they do at school and what opportunities they grab that makes all the difference. I have a couple neighbors that went to Ivy schools and they are making under 150k (academic and arts jobs) and meanwhile my University of Toledo grad friend makes over a million.

+1

Making 150 k as a tenured prof at gtown in a self actualizing job is way better than making a million in industry

Totally!