35, single, and ready to give up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you serious? Any woman who doesn't weigh 300 lbs can meet hundreds of guys online or walk into a bar and be surrounded by men. You're telling me you can't meet one decent guy with those numbers?

But that’s exactly the problem for women. It gives them an illusion of endless options in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

OP it is not your fault and don’t start looking inward “hunting” for flaws that don’t exist. The reality is that dating today is IMPOSSIBLE. Many people who are partnered are not going to tell you that they have settled etc. You do not have to settle. As a woman you will have many men pursuing you but many will be garbage. I am divorced and in my 40s. My ex wife told me that she will would have so many men falling all over for her just because she is a woman. Well she was right except she is still single and grumpy and has been recycling boyfriends over these past 5 years. Do not settle and take a break from OLD.

What are your goals? Do you want to married? Do you want to have children? Or do you just want a boyfriend and if marriage comes along the way great.

As a 47 years old divorced men I have come across women particularly under 40 who acted rather desperately and wanted to get into a serious relationship asap. Since I have already have kids and tried marriage once before, I am not desperate at all to get into a serious relationship again. And this is the case for many divorced men my age. It used to be that men were afraid to be alone and so quickly re-entered or even re-married soon after their divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait for the ones coming out of marriages in late 40s and 50s. Give them some breathing room first though.
I have met only two men worth dating and I'm 46. That's almost 30 years of paying attention.

I'm not sure that broken men with ex-wives and children and baggage in their 50s make for great possibilities to start a family with. That's a pretty challenging set up in so many ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Date MANY people but schedule video calls first and then only 30-40 minute meetups if you feel an interest/spark, and be ready to cut those short if needed. Coffee, walks, runs, etc. always where it’s convenient for you (unless you’ve already met this person and are interested). That will lead to less resentment and more people. It’s a numbers game. I married at 35, had kids at 36 and 40, and I went on over 100 first “dates” before finding DH (video chatting wasn’t common then otherwise I think I would have done fewer in person meetups).

That's super weird I would never do a video call with someone

Same. I’d rather just meet up for a drink.

[Anonymous]

OP, I feel like you post this every few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes. Date MANY people but schedule video calls first and then only 30-40 minute meetups if you feel an interest/spark, and be ready to cut those short if needed. Coffee, walks, runs, etc. always where it’s convenient for you (unless you’ve already met this person and are interested). That will lead to less resentment and more people. It’s a numbers game. I married at 35, had kids at 36 and 40, and I went on over 100 first “dates” before finding DH (video chatting wasn’t common then otherwise I think I would have done fewer in person meetups).

That's super weird I would never do a video call with someone

I thought it was weird too the first time a woman asked to videochat first too. I learned she’d be burned too many times by men who looked significantly older/fatter/balder than their photos. Now I think it’s a great idea.

[Anonymous]

I am 62 and never married. It is such a relief. I do date, but only men I have met in person or men whom my friends personally know and have fixed us up. "Being single" is NOT having something in common -- something to remind my friends of occasionally. .

I do sports training and compete in those sports so it is not that hard to meet men.

[Anonymous]

When I was dating my boyfriend in my early 40s and let him know i had no plans to become a mother he told me he was so relieved. He said it is common knowledge among men that women 35-40 are desperately looking for *sperm donors.*

[Anonymous]

Where are you meeting people? I don't really understand "dating" to be honest. Before I met DH, I had 6 boyfriends in my life ranging from 6 months to 4 years and I didn't meet a single one formally or go out on formal dates with them. If you are meeting people online, stop. Men online feel like they have too many options. Everyone is auditioning and not being themselves. Meet people in real life and be real.

[Anonymous]

Live a life that makes you happy. Do what you like, go where you want to go, chase whatever dreams you have, and see what friends you make along the way. The worst outcome is that you have a fulfilling life. The best outcome is that you have a fulfilling life that you share with someone on a similar wavelength.

[Anonymous]

Are you attractive? What do you offer?

My 35yo BIL says slim pickings for dating. I know he gets lots of matches online but he always finds faults with women. His problem is that he wants the total package unicorn of looks, brains, kindness, etc. he is very unforgiving of any body fat. BIL is not bad looking, definitely above average but he is not a 10. He wants a 10 in looks. 10 in brains. 10 personality. What he is finding is 9 looks 5 brains 5 personality or 6 looks 10 brains 6 personalities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I also met my soon to be ex (I pray) husband online at 34 and married at 39, 2 months before turning 40. A 40th birthday gift to myself, or so I wanted to believe. I settled. Should not have married this person. Was afraid I wouldn’t get married. He looked good on paper. We looked good on paper. We were not good in real life. I stayed 20 years. 20 years too long (children). Don’t let your despair get the best of you or settle for less than. Trust your instincts and be fine no matter what’s happening in your life. You are great with or without a husband.

Sure, but some people are willing to settle just to have children. And who am I to judge them for that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was dating my boyfriend in my early 40s and let him know i had no plans to become a mother he told me he was so relieved. He said it is common knowledge among men that women 35-40 are desperately looking for *sperm donors.*

I am 42 and divorced. I ended relationships with 3 women aged 35, 39 and 40 because they wanted a child and they dot not go around the bush to make it clear. In fact I felt like they wanted the child more than they wanted me. I guess this will be more and more common as women now want children much later in life. This could also explain why many women nowadays are seeking much younger men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you attractive? What do you offer?

My 35yo BIL says slim pickings for dating. I know he gets lots of matches online but he always finds faults with women. His problem is that he wants the total package unicorn of looks, brains, kindness, etc. he is very unforgiving of any body fat. BIL is not bad looking, definitely above average but he is not a 10. He wants a 10 in looks. 10 in brains. 10 personality. What he is finding is 9 looks 5 brains 5 personality or 6 looks 10 brains 6 personalities.

kind of O/T but what are 5 brains like? HS dropouts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was dating my boyfriend in my early 40s and let him know i had no plans to become a mother he told me he was so relieved. He said it is common knowledge among men that women 35-40 are desperately looking for *sperm donors.*

I am 42 and divorced. I ended relationships with 3 women aged 35, 39 and 40 because they wanted a child and they dot not go around the bush to make it clear. In fact I felt like they wanted the child more than they wanted me. I guess this will be more and more common as women now want children much later in life. This could also explain why many women nowadays are seeking much younger men.

They are not just looking for sperm donors: if that was the case, these women would have gone SMBC or adoption route. They are looking for a provider, and potential future payor of alimony/child support. And that is a problem for most divorced men in their 40s who already have kids. I am mid 40s woman and have no issues finding men my age to date for serious relationships. They all flock from marriage crazed 30s ladies, even those men who generally are marriage oriented.