Forced Into Screens

[Anonymous]

Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Simple: you parent. That means you are the adult in the room.

You are in control. Don’t like how that sounds? well too bad. Grow up. Be the one in control; ie - a parent.

And the rest of society? Screw society. Let the rest of society give their kids unlimited screen time and stay up as late as they want; those kids can mop the floors at 7/11 and struggle in community college.

In my house? No social media. More than half the U.S. states attorney generals have filed lawsuits, in federal court, suing social media giants because:

- social media is known to be harmful to children, and
- social media is intentionally designed to be addictive to children.

Hey, if you know better than half the states attorney generals? If the research magically doesn’t apply to your kid?? GREAT! Unlimited social. Tell us how that works out for you in 20 years.

I am not a “big government” person but there needs to be some regulation here. Same with soda/junk food and fast food.

My kids are extremely privileged in terms of wealth, having an educated and present nuclear and extended family, great childcare and activities to occupy them. They are highly unlikely to get screen addicted. Not so for 99.9% others because they lack those privileges. And we can’t keep blaming individuals all the time. We put controls on cigarettes and we need to do the same for other intensely addictive things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Simple: you parent. That means you are the adult in the room.

You are in control. Don’t like how that sounds? well too bad. Grow up. Be the one in control; ie - a parent.

And the rest of society? Screw society. Let the rest of society give their kids unlimited screen time and stay up as late as they want; those kids can mop the floors at 7/11 and struggle in community college.

In my house? No social media. More than half the U.S. states attorney generals have filed lawsuits, in federal court, suing social media giants because:

- social media is known to be harmful to children, and
- social media is intentionally designed to be addictive to children.

Hey, if you know better than half the states attorney generals? If the research magically doesn’t apply to your kid?? GREAT! Unlimited social. Tell us how that works out for you in 20 years.

I am not a “big government” person but there needs to be some regulation here. Same with soda/junk food and fast food.

My kids are extremely privileged in terms of wealth, having an educated and present nuclear and extended family, great childcare and activities to occupy them. They are highly unlikely to get screen addicted. Not so for 99.9% others because they lack those privileges. And we can’t keep blaming individuals all the time. We put controls on cigarettes and we need to do the same for other intensely addictive things.

Are you white?

[Anonymous]

It’s different when you have girls. Neither of my girls were allowed to play video games (but they still watched Netflix and YouTube occasionally) and it hasn’t affected them socially. In ES all the boys play video games but in middle school the boys that play sports and the boys who play video games will stop hanging out. Obviously some boys will play both video games and sports but most won’t have the time for both.

[Anonymous]

I have girls and neither has expressed desire to play video games although I’m sure they’d get sucked in if we introduced it. They don’t use YouTube. They do some kid shows but not many, although they wish they had more. One thing that keeps the older one (8) from asking to play video games is that she has said that it feels like that’s almost entirely what the boys in her class talk about ALL the time, and she thinks that’s weird (no idea if her assessment is accurate). She also has wonderful teenage cousins who talk to her about the consequences of too much screen time based on what they see at their school.
She is definitely not one of the popular girls though and has said that she sometimes doesn’t know about things the kids are talking about. Doesn’t seem to bug her much b/c I’ve told her to let me know and we can look into them together, but she has little interest in doing so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

Part of the screen issue is the garbage that fills kids' heads. I'm now reading a parenting book published 1992 and they had same complaints then.

My solution has been to be strict about what's on the screen. Kids are age 9, 4, almost 2. DH introduced us to Studio Ghibli and we've bought many if not most of their movies on YT. This is my kids' ad-free corner of the internet. They're surprisingly content watching familiar movies many times, and I'm at least content that the artistry, story telling is showing them positive role models, healthy relationships, community life, friendship, love, etc. etc, etc.

Some favorites, FYI tips for others to look up:

Howl's Moving Castle
Princess Mononoke
Nausica
My neighbor Totoro
Pom Poko
Kiki's Delivery Service
Castle of Cagliostro
Castle in the Sky
Spirited Away

and for very sad, heavy one - Grave of the Fireflies

[Anonymous]

I let my kids watch screens, because there is a lot of useful stuff to learn. I just teach them how to not become addicted to screens, so they know how to shut them off and not let screens control their lives.

[Anonymous]

I do think it's harder if video games are a big part of the social culture at your kids school or in your community. And yes, boys tend to do this more so I think it's harder with boys. We have friends whose kids used video games as a primary source of socializing during the pandemic because they could get on and play together virtually, and that's how they'd talk and interact. Now they can do more in person of course, but that habit is set. It's such a catch-22. I don't think they wish they had kept kids off screens during the pandemic when it was such a valuable outlet for them. But now what?

We take a minimalist approach to screens but don't ban them. My kid can watch TV (on an actual TV screen) a few times a week, one of which is a family movie night. No phone, no tablet. But school is the issue -- they use tablets in school and there's an educational app that gets assigned with their homework. Even when it's optional, there are often rewards associated with doing it, and I feel like we are the ONLY ones who care about the screen exposure of using this app at home. I also think there's real benefit to doing this sort of work (math, phonics, reading comp, grammar) with paper and pencil. I feel like we are in a constant push-pull over how much of this to allow. We let DC use my spouse's tablet (I don't have one) to do it sometimes. It's not part of our daily routine.

For me it's all about staving off the phone conversation as long as possible, and then setting ourselves up to create good boundaries with any device my kid eventually gets. We have lots of conversations about how screens are not inherently bad, but they are addictive and can pull you away from other things that are very worthwhile and make life worth living. So part of it is about filling our lives with music, art, conversation, games, nature, etc., so that there are always lots of desirable alternatives to staring at a screen. It's hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

But unlimited access to screens, or not caring about the quality of what is on the screen, or the kind of screen your kid is interacting with, IS a virtue. Lots of adults are screen addicted. They are not an unmitigated good, they can be addictive, and they can be the medium for a lot of terrible content.

We don't ban screens in our house but I absolutely care about how much screen time my kids get and the nature of the screen time. Texting with a friend is great, but not if it's happening at 1am. Watching movies can be wonderful, but hours and hours of mindless TV less so. Watching screens with other people can be a bonding experience and a way to learn about the world or experience art, but staring at a handheld device all the time can have a negative impact on your mental health (and your posture!).

[Anonymous]

I think you can balance op. The thing that has worked the best for us is a really predictable routine, no ipads or phones (kids still too young for their own phones anyway), just watching on the TV or when they are later elementary we will probably integrate some video games. But we do no screens on weekdays and then let them watch TV on the weekends here and there but like others said, we do try to keep the content a little tight. More PBS-type things, slower shows. In my experience, the content really does make a difference. If my son starts watching too many violent things I see it reflected in his play. If he starts watching things that are meant to amp you up and are go go go he is more addicted - it's all about those dopamine hits so you need shows that aren't aiming for those as much.

This has really decreased it feeling more addictive - both the routine and the content. So he's not completely out of the loop, we read Star Wars books, sometimes he'll watch a few episodes here and there of things his friends are more into but I just don't let that be a constant or a binging situation. That way he knows a little to talk about it without it becoming too intense. Also buying books and listening to stories on those high value topics so again he doesn't feel totally out of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do think it's harder if video games are a big part of the social culture at your kids school or in your community. And yes, boys tend to do this more so I think it's harder with boys. We have friends whose kids used video games as a primary source of socializing during the pandemic because they could get on and play together virtually, and that's how they'd talk and interact. Now they can do more in person of course, but that habit is set. It's such a catch-22. I don't think they wish they had kept kids off screens during the pandemic when it was such a valuable outlet for them. But now what?

We take a minimalist approach to screens but don't ban them. My kid can watch TV (on an actual TV screen) a few times a week, one of which is a family movie night. No phone, no tablet. But school is the issue -- they use tablets in school and there's an educational app that gets assigned with their homework. Even when it's optional, there are often rewards associated with doing it, and I feel like we are the ONLY ones who care about the screen exposure of using this app at home. I also think there's real benefit to doing this sort of work (math, phonics, reading comp, grammar) with paper and pencil. I feel like we are in a constant push-pull over how much of this to allow. We let DC use my spouse's tablet (I don't have one) to do it sometimes. It's not part of our daily routine.

For me it's all about staving off the phone conversation as long as possible, and then setting ourselves up to create good boundaries with any device my kid eventually gets. We have lots of conversations about how screens are not inherently bad, but they are addictive and can pull you away from other things that are very worthwhile and make life worth living. So part of it is about filling our lives with music, art, conversation, games, nature, etc., so that there are always lots of desirable alternatives to staring at a screen. It's hard.

I have learned so much about music, art, conversation, games, and nature through screens. Screens aren't the problem. Usage of the screens is the problem. Teach your kids how to use screens properly, and they will take themselves off of them when they don't need to be on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

Part of the screen issue is the garbage that fills kids' heads. I'm now reading a parenting book published 1992 and they had same complaints then.

My solution has been to be strict about what's on the screen. Kids are age 9, 4, almost 2. DH introduced us to Studio Ghibli and we've bought many if not most of their movies on YT. This is my kids' ad-free corner of the internet. They're surprisingly content watching familiar movies many times, and I'm at least content that the artistry, story telling is showing them positive role models, healthy relationships, community life, friendship, love, etc. etc, etc.

Some favorites, FYI tips for others to look up:

Howl's Moving Castle
Princess Mononoke
Nausica
My neighbor Totoro
Pom Poko
Kiki's Delivery Service
Castle of Cagliostro
Castle in the Sky
Spirited Away

and for very sad, heavy one - Grave of the Fireflies

Max (formerly hbo) has an entire section with the studio ghibli catalog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do think it's harder if video games are a big part of the social culture at your kids school or in your community. And yes, boys tend to do this more so I think it's harder with boys. We have friends whose kids used video games as a primary source of socializing during the pandemic because they could get on and play together virtually, and that's how they'd talk and interact. Now they can do more in person of course, but that habit is set. It's such a catch-22. I don't think they wish they had kept kids off screens during the pandemic when it was such a valuable outlet for them. But now what?

We take a minimalist approach to screens but don't ban them. My kid can watch TV (on an actual TV screen) a few times a week, one of which is a family movie night. No phone, no tablet. But school is the issue -- they use tablets in school and there's an educational app that gets assigned with their homework. Even when it's optional, there are often rewards associated with doing it, and I feel like we are the ONLY ones who care about the screen exposure of using this app at home. I also think there's real benefit to doing this sort of work (math, phonics, reading comp, grammar) with paper and pencil. I feel like we are in a constant push-pull over how much of this to allow. We let DC use my spouse's tablet (I don't have one) to do it sometimes. It's not part of our daily routine.

For me it's all about staving off the phone conversation as long as possible, and then setting ourselves up to create good boundaries with any device my kid eventually gets. We have lots of conversations about how screens are not inherently bad, but they are addictive and can pull you away from other things that are very worthwhile and make life worth living. So part of it is about filling our lives with music, art, conversation, games, nature, etc., so that there are always lots of desirable alternatives to staring at a screen. It's hard.

I have learned so much about music, art, conversation, games, and nature through screens. Screens aren't the problem. Usage of the screens is the problem. Teach your kids how to use screens properly, and they will take themselves off of them when they don't need to be on them.

That's fine but it's also good to learn about those things in ways that are NOT mediated by screens. Screen dependency is a real thing.

I partially agree with you -- I do think screens are inevitable and that you need to expose your kids to them so they learn to use them appropriately. And being vigilantly anti screen doesn't do this because then kids don't understand how to moderate.

But I do think that on some level, it is the screens themselves that are the problem. Even when you are engaging in a good screen use, screens hold attention and smooth out experiences in ways that books, in-person interaction, and hands-on activities do not. I'm not super anti-screen but I think it's important to understand WHY screens have this effect on us. Like we really try to restrict handheld screens in our house, whenever possible, because I think it changes the relationship between the user and the screen in a way that makes it more addictive and destructive.

I don't think screens are just neutral. They have their place but they are kind of like alcohol to me -- not bad but with some inherent dangers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Screens are an integral part of our lives. They are prominent in how we learn, work and play. Artificially restricting them isn’t the virtue some think it is.

Part of the screen issue is the garbage that fills kids' heads. I'm now reading a parenting book published 1992 and they had same complaints then.

My solution has been to be strict about what's on the screen. Kids are age 9, 4, almost 2. DH introduced us to Studio Ghibli and we've bought many if not most of their movies on YT. This is my kids' ad-free corner of the internet. They're surprisingly content watching familiar movies many times, and I'm at least content that the artistry, story telling is showing them positive role models, healthy relationships, community life, friendship, love, etc. etc, etc.

Some favorites, FYI tips for others to look up:

Howl's Moving Castle
Princess Mononoke
Nausica
My neighbor Totoro
Pom Poko
Kiki's Delivery Service
Castle of Cagliostro
Castle in the Sky
Spirited Away

and for very sad, heavy one - Grave of the Fireflies

Sorry we don’t watch anime

Then you’re missing out!